Here are 17 dramatic monologues for men:

1. “We can’t strike.” – Marius from ‘Les Misérables’

Spark a revolution with this one-minute monologue spoken by Victor Hugo’s Marius.

Monologue Length: 1:00 – 1:15

“We can’t strike. Why not? Because it’s against the law to strike! The king has declared that everything is a crime. Writing is a crime. Two weeks ago, the police destroyed the Galaty, the worker’s newspaper. They smashed the press. They burned over two thousand newspapers but that didn’t satisfy the king. Three days ago at a student meeting, a peaceful meeting, soldiers broke it up and arrested two of my friends. Writing, talking, going to class, speaking out is a crime. Being poor is a crime. Being poor is the worst crime of all. And if you commit these crimes, you are condemned for life. Our government has no mercy, no pity, no forgiveness. And there’s no work for us. And because there’s no work, our children are starving. Tell me: why are we powerless to save the people we love? All of you know. Tell me – why? The king betrayed us. We were promised the vote, do we have it? Do we have the vote? Where is the republic our fathers died for? It’s here my brothers. It lives here in our heads. But most of all, best of all, it’s here in our hearts. In our hearts – WE ARE THE REPUBLIC!”

2. “You wouldn’t understand yet, son…” – Walter Lee Younger from ‘A Raisin In The Sun’

From one of the most acclaimed plays to date comes Walter Lee Younger’s iconic monologue. Walter is an ambitious dreamer who wants a better life for his family, untouched by poverty.

Monologue Length: 1:25 – 1:40

“You wouldn’t understand yet, son, but your daddy’s gonna make a transaction…a business transaction that’s going to change our lives…That’s how come one day when you ‘bout seventeen years old I’ll come home and I’ll be pretty tired, you know what I mean, after a day of conferences and secretaries getting things wrong the way they do…’cause an executive’s life is hell, man–And I’ll pull the car up on the driveway…just a plain black Chrysler, I think, with white walls–no–black tires. More elegant. Rich people don’t have to be flashy…though I’ll have to get something a little sportier for Ruth–maybe a Cadillac convertible to do her shopping in…And I’ll come up the steps to the house and the gardener will be clipping away at the hedges and he’ll say, “Good evening, Mr. Younger.” And I’ll say, “Hello, Jefferson, how are you this evening?” And I’ll go inside and Ruth will come downstairs and meet me at the door and we’ll kiss each other and she’ll take my are and we’ll go up to your room to see you sitting on the floor with the catalogues of all the great schools in America around you…All the great schools in the world! And–and I’ll say, all right son–it’s your seventeenth birthday, what is it you’ve decided?…just tell me where you want to go to school and you’ll go. Just tell me, what it is you want to be==Yessir! You just name it, son…and I hand you the world!”

3. “Well, as you guessed, Hope took over her father’s business…” – Officer Lockstock from ‘Urinetown’

We think “urine” luck with Officer Lockstock’s animated ‘Urinetown’ monologue.

Monologue Length: 1:15 – 1:30

“Well, as you guessed, Hope took over her father’s business, instituting a series of reforms which opened the public bathrooms to all the people, to pee for free whenever they liked, as much as they liked, for as long as they liked, with whomever they liked. The UGC was renamed, “The Bobby Strong Memorial Toilet Authority” and was operated as a public trust for the benefit of the people. Of course, it wasn’t long before the water turned silty, brackish and then disappeared altogether. As cruel as Caldwell B. Cladwell was, his measures effectively regulated water consumption, sparing the town the same fate as the phantom Urinetown. Hope chose to ignore the warning signs, however, preferring to bask in the people’s love for as long as it lasted. If there is a next time I’m sure we can. Well, that’s our story. Hope eventually joined her father in a manner not quite so gentle. As for the people of this town? They did as best they could. But they were prepared for the world they inherited, weaned as they were on the legend born of their founding father’s scare tactics. For when the water dried up, they recognized their town for the first time for what it really was. What it was always waiting to be.”

4. “I’m just living in Berkeley.” – Benjamin Braddock from ‘The Graduate’

Full of angst and self-confliction, the popular story of Benjamin Braddock follows his affair with the older Mrs. Robinson and his romance with her daughter, Elaine.

Monologue Length: 0:45 – 1:00

“I’m just living in Berkeley. Having grown somewhat weary of family life, I’ve been meaning to stop by and pay my respects but have not been entirely certain how you felt about me after the incident with your mother which was certainly a serious mistake on my part but not serious enough I hope to permanently alter your feelings about me. I love you. I love you and I can’t help myself and I’m begging you to forgive me for what I did. I love you so much I’m terrified of seeing you every time I step outside the door. I feel helpless and hopeless and lost and miserable, please forget what I did please Elaine O God Elaine I love you please forget what I did? Please forget what I did Elaine, I love you.”

5. “All the world’s a stage…” – Jacques from ‘As You Like It’

Perhaps one of the most memorable speeches in theatre history, Shakespeare’s “All the world’s a stage” stands the test of time. Bring your own unique voice to the role of Jacques with this monologue.

Monologue Length: 1:15 – 1:30

“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms.
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel,
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lin’d,
With eyes severe, and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper’d pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose well sav’d, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.”

6. “A heavier task could not have been imposed…” – Egeon from ‘The Comedy Of Errors’

In the opening of this play by The Bard, Egeon wears his heart on his sleeve and tells the audience of his tragic past.

Monologue Length: Up to 2:50

“A heavier task could not have been imposed
Than I to speak my griefs unspeakable:
Yet, that the world may witness that my end
Was wrought by nature, not by vile offence,
I’ll utter what my sorrows give me leave.
In Syracusa was I born, and wed
Unto a woman, happy but for me,
And by me, had not our hap been bad.
With her I lived in joy; our wealth increased
By prosperous voyages I often made
To Epidamnum; till my factor’s death
And the great care of goods at random left
Drew me from kind embracements of my spouse:
From whom my absence was not six months old
Before herself, almost at fainting under
The pleasing punishment that women bear,
Had made provision for her following me
And soon and safe arrived where I was.”

[Full Monologue HERE]

7. “To be, or not to be–that is the question…” – Hamlet in ‘Hamlet’

Hamlet’s infamous speech is sure to prove a worthwhile challenge for actors looking to take on a classic piece by Shakespeare.

Monologue Length: 1:30 – 1:45

“To be, or not to be–that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die, to sleep–
No more–and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. ‘Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep–
To sleep–perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There’s the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th’ oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely
The pangs of despised love, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th’ unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprise of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action. — Soft you now,
The fair Ophelia! — Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remembered.”

8. “Is this a dagger which I see before me…” Macbeth in ‘Macbeth’

Enter The Scottish Play – a story filled with intensity and anguish. Step into the shoes of this acclaimed role and slay your next dramatic monologue.

Monologue Length: 1:30 – 1:45

“Is this a dagger which I see before me,
The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee.
I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.
Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible
To feeling as to sight? or art thou but
A dagger of the mind, a false creation,
Proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain?
I see thee yet, in form as palpable
As this which now I draw.
Thou marshall’st me the way that I was going;
And such an instrument I was to use.
Mine eyes are made the fools o’ the other senses,
Or else worth all the rest; I see thee still,
And on thy blade and dudgeon gouts of blood,
Which was not so before. There’s no such thing:
It is the bloody business which informs
Thus to mine eyes. Now o’er the one halfworld
Nature seems dead, and wicked dreams abuse
The curtain’d sleep; witchcraft celebrates
Pale Hecate’s offerings, and wither’d murder,
Alarum’d by his sentinel, the wolf,
Whose howl’s his watch, thus with his stealthy pace.
With Tarquin’s ravishing strides, towards his design
Moves like a ghost. Thou sure and firm-set earth,
Hear not my steps, which way they walk, for fear
Thy very stones prate of my whereabout,
And take the present horror from the time,
Which now suits with it. Whiles I threat, he lives:
Words to the heat of deeds too cold breath gives.
[A bell rings]
I go, and it is done; the bell invites me.
Hear it not, Duncan; for it is a knell
That summons thee to heaven or to hell.”

9. “But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?” – Romeo from ‘Romeo And Juliet’

If it’s a declaration of love that strikes your fancy, choose this monologue from the one of the most romantic (and tragic) love stories of all time.

Monologue Length: 1:00 – 1:10

“But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the East, and Juliet is the sun!
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief
That thou her maid art far more fair than she.
Be not her maid, since she is envious.
Her vestal livery is but sick and green,
And none but fools do wear it. Cast it off.
It is my lady; O, it is my love!
O that she knew she were!
She speaks, yet she says nothing. What of that?
Her eye discourses; I will answer it.
I am too bold; ’tis not to me she speaks.
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!”

10. “Under the cool shade of a sycamore…” – Boyet from ‘Love’s Labour’s Lost’

This eloquent speech brings to life the role of Boyet, assistant to the princess in ‘Love’s Labour’s Lost’.

Monologue Length: 1:20 – 1:35

“Under the cool shade of a sycamore
I thought to close mine eyes some half an hour;
When, lo! to interrupt my purposed rest,
Toward that shade I might behold addrest
The king and his companions: warily
I stole into a neighbour thicket by,
And overheard what you shall overhear,
That, by and by, disguised they will be here.
Their herald is a pretty knavish page,
That well by heart hath conn’d his embassage:
Action and accent did they teach him there;
‘Thus must thou speak,’ and ‘thus thy body bear:’
And ever and anon they made a doubt
Presence majestical would put him out,
‘For,’ quoth the king, ‘an angel shalt thou see;
Yet fear not thou, but speak audaciously.’
The boy replied, ‘An angel is not evil;
I should have fear’d her had she been a devil.’
With that, all laugh’d and clapp’d him on the shoulder,
Making the bold wag by their praises bolder:
One rubb’d his elbow thus, and fleer’d and swore
A better speech was never spoke before;
Another, with his finger and his thumb,
Cried, ‘Via! we will do’t, come what will come;’
The third he caper’d, and cried, ‘All goes well;’
The fourth turn’d on the toe, and down he fell.
With that, they all did tumble on the ground,
With such a zealous laughter, so profound,
That in this spleen ridiculous appears,
To cheque their folly, passion’s solemn tears.”

11. “Mankind marches on…” – Peter Trofimov from ‘The Cherry Orchard’

Peter, an intellectual with an often pretentious nature, sheds light on his views with “Mankind marches on…”

Monologue Length: 1:30 – 1:45

“Mankind marches on, going from strength to strength. All that now eludes us will one day be well within our grasp, but, as I say, we must work and we must do all we can for those who are trying to find the truth. Here in Russia very few people do work at present. The kind of Russian intellectuals I know, far and away the greater part of them anyway, aren’t looking for anything. They don’t do anything. They still don’t know the meaning of hard work. They call themselves an intelligensia, but they speak to their servants as inferiors and treat the peasants like animals. They don’t study properly, they never read anything serious, in fact they don’t do anything at all. Science is something they just talk about and they know precious little about art. Oh, they’re all very earnest. They all go round looking extremely solemn. They talk of nothing but weighty issues and they discuss abstract problems, while all the time everyone knows the workers are abominably fed and sleep without proper bedding, thirty or forty to a room–with bed-bugs everywhere, to say nothing of the stench, the damp, the moral degradation. And clearly all our fine talk is just meant to pull wool over our own eyes and other people’s too. Tell me, where are those children’s creches that there’s all this talk about? Where are the libraries? They’re just things people write novels about, we haven’t actually got any of them. What we have got it dirt, vulgarity and squalor. I loathe all those earnest faces. They scare me, and so do earnest conversations. Why can’t we keep quiet for a change?”

12. “Yes, I have tricks in my pocket, I have things up my sleeve.” – Tom Wingfield from ‘The Glass Menagerie’

‘The Glass Menagerie’ opens with this monologue by Tom Wingfield, the narrator of the story.

Monologue Length: Up to 2:00

“Yes, I have tricks in my pocket, I have things up my sleeve. But I am the opposite of a stage magician. He gives you illusion that has the appearance of truth. I give you truth in the pleasant disguise of illusion. To begin with, I turn bark time. I reverse it to that quaint period, the thirties, when the huge middle class of America was matriculating in a school for the blind. Their eyes had failed them or they had failed their eyes, and so they were having their fingers pressed forcibly down on the fiery Braille alphabet of a dissolving economy. In Spain there was revolution. Here there was only shouting and confusion. In Spain there was Guernica. Here there were disturbances of labour, sometimes pretty violent, in otherwise peaceful cities such as Chicago, Cleveland, Saint Louis. . . . This is the social background of the play. The play is memory. Being a memory play, it is dimly lighted, it is sentimental, it is not realistic. In memory everything seems to happen to music. That explains the fiddle in the wings. I am the narrator of the play, and also a character in it. The other characters are my mother Amanda, my sister Laura and a gentleman caller who appears in the final scenes. He is the most realistic character in the play, being an emissary from a world of reality that we were somehow set apart from. But since I have a poet’s weakness for symbols, I am using this character also as a symbol; he is the long-delayed but always expected something that we live for. There is a fifth character in the play who doesn’t appear except in this larger-than-life-size photograph over the mantel. This is our father who left us a long time ago.He was a telephone man who fell in love with long distances; he gave up his job with the telephone company and skipped the light fantastic out of town. . . .The last we heard of him was a picture postcard from Mazatlan, on the Pacific coast of Mexico, containing a message of two words – ‘Hello – Good-bye!’ and no address. I think the rest of the play will explain itself …”

13. “Try and calm yourself, and make your mind easy again…” – Torvald Helmer from ‘A Doll’s House’

Torvald comforts his wife, Nora, in this snippet from Henrik Ibsen’s play, ‘A Doll’s House.’

Monologue Length: 1:20 – 1:45

“Try and calm yourself, and make your mind easy again, my frightened little singing-bird. Be at rest, and feel secure; I have broad wings to shelter you under. [Walks up and down by the door.] How warm and cosy our home is, Nora. Here is shelter for you; here I will protect you like a hunted dove that I have saved from a hawk’s claws; I will bring peace to your poor beating heart. It will come, little by little, Nora, believe me. Tomorrow morning you will look upon it all quite differently; soon everything will be just as it was before. Very soon you won’t need me to assure you that I have forgiven you; you will yourself feel the certainty that I have done so. Can you suppose I should ever think of such a thing as repudiating you, or even reproaching you? You have no idea what a true man’s heart is like, Nora. There is something so indescribably sweet and satisfying, to a man, in the knowledge that he has forgiven his wife–forgiven her freely, and with all his heart. It seems as if that had made her, as it were, doubly his own; he has given her a new life, so to speak; and she has in a way become both wife and child to him. So you shall be for me after this, my little scared, helpless darling. Have no anxiety about anything, Nora; only be frank and open with me, and I will serve as will and conscience both to you–. What is this? Not gone to bed? Have you changed your things?”

14. “Oh, Miss Julie, a dog may lie on the couch of a Countess…” – Jean from ‘Miss Julie’

Jean’s complex character first appears one way to Miss Julie, the play’s protagonist, before showing his true colors.

Monologue Length: 1:15 – 1:25

“Oh, Miss Julie, a dog may lie on the couch of a Countess, a horse may be caressed by a lady’s hand, but a servant—yes, yes, sometimes there is stuff enough in a man, whatever he be, to swing himself up in the world, but how often does that happen! But to return to the story, do you know what I did? I ran down to the mill dam and threw myself in with my clothes on—and was pulled out and got a thrashing. But the following Sunday when all the family went to visit my grandmother I contrived to stay at home; I scrubbed myself well, put on my best clothes, such as they were, and went to church so that I might see you. I saw you. Then I went home with my mind made up to put an end to myself. But I wanted to do it beautifully and without pain. Then I happened to remember that elderberry blossoms are poisonous. I knew where there was a big elderberry bush in full bloom and I stripped it of its riches and made a bed of it in the oat-bin. Have you ever noticed how smooth and glossy oats are? As soft as a woman’s arm.—Well, I got in and let down the cover, fell asleep, and when I awoke I was very ill, but didn’t die—as you see. What I wanted—I don’t know. You were unattainable, but through the vision of you I was made to realize how hopeless it was to rise above the conditions of my birth.”

15. “I’m celebrating because I’ve got a friend who tells me all the things that ought to be told me.” – George Gibbs from ‘Our Town’

Thornton Wilder’s beloved ‘Our Town’ chronicles the story of one town, Grover’s Corner, and the families that encompass the community. George Gibbs is an all-American boy navigating family, school, love for Emily, and growing up.

Monologue Length: 0:45 – 1:00

“I’m celebrating because I’ve got a friend who tells me all the things that ought to be told me. I’m glad you spoke to me like you did. But you’ll see. I’m going to change. And Emily, I want to ask you a favor. Emily, if I go away to State Agricultural College next year, will you write me a letter? The day wouldn’t come when I wouldn’t want to know everything about our town. Y’ know, Emily, whenever I meet a farmer I ask him if he thinks it’s important to go to Agricultural School to be a good farmer. And some of them say it’s even a waste of time. And like you say, being gone all that time – in other places, and meeting other people. I guess new people probably aren’t any better than old ones. Emily – I feel that you’re as good a friend as I’ve got. I don’t need to go and meet the people in other towns. Emily, I’m going to make up my mind right now – I won’t go. I’ll tell Pa about it tonight.”

16. “Why do you got to get killed?” – Lennie Small from ‘Of Mice And Men’

Known for his kind heart and loyalty, Lennie struggles with accepting that he has accidentally killed a puppy given to him by his friend, George.

Monologue Length: 1:00 – 1:15

“Why do you got to get killed? You ain’t so little as mice. I didn’t bounce you so hard. (bends pup’s head up and looks in its face) Now may be George ain’t gonna let me tend no rabbits if he finds out you got killed. (Scoops a little hollow and lays puppy in it out of sight and covers it over with hay. He stares at the mound he has made.) I’ll tell George I found it dead. (unburies pup and inspects it. Twists its ears and works his fingers in its fur, sorrowfully) But he’ll know. George always knows. He’ll say: “You done it. Don’t try to put nothin’ over on me.” And he’ll say: “Now just for that you don’t get to tend no ‐‐‐ you know whats.” (his anger rises. Addresses pup) Damn you. Why do you got to get killed? You ain’t so little as mice. (picks up pup and hurls it from him, turns his back on it. Sits bent over his knees, moaning to himself.) Now he won’t let me…Now he won’t let me. You wasn’t big enough. They tole me and tole me you wasn’t. I didn’t know you’d get killed so easy. Maybe George won’t care. This here pup wasn’t nothin’ to George.”

17. “What can I do? I’m a patsy, what can a patsy do?” – Eddie Carbone from ‘A View From The Bridge’

Though well intentioned, Eddie Carbone struggles to stay afloat in the real world as he lets himself slowly fall into a delusional state of mind in ‘A View From The Bridge.’

Monologue Length: 0:45 – 1:00

“What can I do? I’m a patsy, what can a patsy do? I worked like a dog twenty years so a punk could have her, so that’s what I done. I mean, in the worst times, in the worst, when there wasn’t a ship comin’ in the harbor, I didn’t stand around lookin’ for relief—I hustled. When there was empty piers in Brooklyn, I went to Hoboken, Staten Island, the West Side, Jersey all over—because I made a promise. I took out of my own mouth to give to her. I took out of my wife’s mouth. I walked hungry plenty days in this city! (It begins to break through.) And now I gotta sit in my own house and look at a son-of-a-bitch punk like that—which he came out of nowhere! I give him my house to sleep! I take the blankets off my bed for him, and he takes and puts his dirty filthy hands on her like a goddam thief!”

Have a great dramatic monologue to share with other thespians? Comment below…

The post 17 Dramatic Monologues For Men appeared first on Theatre Nerds.

Have no fear! Here are 17 dramatic monologues for women:

1. “Set down, set down your honourable load…” – Lady Anne Neville from ‘Richard III’

When it comes to drama, Shakespeare’s ‘Richard III’ doesn’t fall short – as shown by this monologue spoken by the complex and emotionally-driven Lady Anne…

Monologue Length: Up to 2:00

“Set down, set down your honourable load,
If honour may be shrouded in a hearse,
Whilst I awhile obsequiously lament
The untimely fall of virtuous Lancaster.
Poor key-cold figure of a holy king!
Pale ashes of the house of Lancaster!
Thou bloodless remnant of that royal blood!
Be it lawful that I invocate thy ghost,
To hear the lamentations of Poor Anne,
Wife to thy Edward, to thy slaughter’d son,
Stabb’d by the selfsame hand that made these wounds!”

[Full Monologue HERE]

2. “And for that matter I have no secrets.” – Julie from ‘Miss Julie’

The woeful tale of Miss Julie dates back to 1888, written by playwright August Strindberg (it has since then been adapted into modern works such as the National Theatre’s production of ‘Julie’).

Monologue Length: 1:25 – 2:00

“And for that matter I have no secrets. You see, my mother was not of noble birth. She was brought up with ideas of equality, woman’s freedom and all that. She had very decided opinions against matrimony, and when my father courted her she declared that she would never be his wife—but she did so for all that. I came into the world against my mother’s wishes, I discovered, and was brought up like a child of nature by my mother, and taught everything that a boy must know as well; I was to be an example of a woman being as good as a man—I was made to go about in boy’s clothes and take care of the horses and harness and saddle and hunt, and all such things; in fact, all over the estate women servants were taught to do men’s work, with the result that the property came near being ruined—and so we became the laughing stock of the countryside. At last my father must have awakened from his bewitched condition, for he revolted, and ran things according to his ideas. My mother became ill—what it was I don’t know, but she often had cramps and acted queerly—sometimes hiding in the attic or the orchard, and would even be gone all night at times. Then came the big fire which of course you have heard about. The house, the stables—everything was burned, under circumstances that pointed strongly to an incendiary, for the misfortune happened the day after the quarterly insurance was due and the premiums sent in by father were strangely delayed by his messenger so that they arrived too late.”

3. “My sister, Veronica, and I did this double act…” – Velma Kelly from ‘Chicago’

…5, 6, 7, 8! Take on the role of Cook County Jail diva, Velma Kelly, who recounts her murderous mishap involving her late husband and sister.

Monologue Length: 0:40 – 1:00

“My sister, Veronica, and I did this double act and my husband, Charlie, traveled around with us. Now for the last number in our act, we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row, one, two, three, four, five…splits, spread eagles, flip flops, back flips, one right after the other. Well, this one night we were in Cicero, the three of us, sittin’ up in a hotel room, boozin’ and havin’ a few laughs and we ran out of ice, so I went out to get some. I come back, open the door and there’s Veronica and Charlie doing Number Seventeen–the spread eagle. Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I can’t remember a thing. It wasn’t until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands I even knew they were dead.”

4. “I dream of a place where we could be together at last…” – Audrey from ‘Little Shop Of Horrors’

While ‘Little Shop Of Horrors’ offers audiences plenty of laughs (and horrors), it also carries a few heavy themes. Cue Audrey’s heartfelt monologue, denoting her hopes and dreams to live somewhere that’s green beyond Skid Row.

Monologue Length: 0:30 – 0:50

“I dream of a place where we could be together at last… It’s just a daydream of mine. A little development that I dream of. Just off the interstate in a little suburb, far, far from urban Skid Row. The sweetest, greenest place – where everybody has the same little lawn out front and the same little flagstone patio out back. And all the houses are so neat and pretty… ‘Cause they all look just alike. Oh, I dream about it all the time. Just me. And the toaster. And a sweet little guy – like Seymour…”

5. “I come here from North Carolina at seventeen…” – Esther from ‘Intimate Apparel’

Lynn Nottage’s play is set in 1905 and chronicles the journey of a young woman following her dreams in New York City.

Monologue Length: 0:50 – 1:00

“I come here from North Carolina at seventeen after my mother died of influenza. God bless her loving spirit. My father died two years later, he was a slave you see and didn’t take to life as a freeman. He’d lost his tongue during a nasty fight over a chicken when I was a baby, so I never heard him speak, no complaints, no praise, no gentle words, no goodbye. He was… silent. Broken really. I come to this city by myself, worked my way North little by little, picking berries in every state until I get here. An old woman in the rooming house teach me to sew intimate apparel, saying folks’ll pay you good money for your discretion. It was just about the best gift anybody give me. It was as though God kissed my hands when I first pulled the fabric through the sewing machine and held up a finished garment. I discovered all I need in these fingers. I wanted you to know that about me.”

6. “Long gone away somewhere I don’t know…” – Mrs. Robinson from ‘The Graduate’

And here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson… The story of ‘The Graduate’ has graced both screen and stage, an acclaimed script accompanying both.

Monologue Length: 0:30 – 0:45

“Long gone away somewhere I don’t know. I met your father, he used t’sing t’me. We’d be go someplace in the car and he would sing. He could sing. But not the high notes. Some songs he couldn’t get those high notes. So at school I had this teacher. Who taught the choir and the piano and the oboe, but the choir, so I know if you singing high up there you must think you breathing in, not out, as you go up… You understand? In, not out, and high as you like. So one night. In the car. I taught him. And right away, he could. And all the songs he used to sing… to want to sing… suddenly… he could sing ‘em. And you know what? He never sang to me again.”

7. “One woe doth tread upon another’s heel…” – Gertrude from ‘Hamlet’

If there’s one playwright who knows drama, it’s William Shakespeare. In one of his most-read works, the character of Queen Gertrude laments the death of Ophelia as she informs Ophelia’s brother, Laertes.

Monologue Length: 0:50 – 1:10

“One woe doth tread upon another’s heel,
So fast they follow. Your sister’s drown’d, Laertes.
Drown’d! O, where?
There is a willow grows aslant a brook,
That shows his hoar leaves in the glassy stream.
There with fantastic garlands did she come
Of crowflowers, nettles, daisies, and long purples,
That liberal shepherds give a grosser name,
But our cold maids do dead men’s fingers call them.
There on the pendant boughs her coronet weeds
Clamb’ring to hang, an envious sliver broke,
When down her weedy trophies and herself
Fell in the weeping brook. Her clothes spread wide
And, mermaid-like, awhile they bore her up;
Which time she chaunted snatches of old tunes,
As one incapable of her own distress,
Or like a creature native and indued
Unto that element; but long it could not be
Till that her garments, heavy with their drink,
Pull’d the poor wretch from her melodious lay
To muddy death.”

8. “O good Iago, What shall I do to win my lord again?” – Desdemona from ‘Othello’

In another monologue penned by The Bard, Desdemona beckons the help of her friend, Iago, to win back her husband’s love and affections.

Monologue Length: 0:40 – 1:00

“O good Iago, What shall I do to win my lord again? Good friend, go to him; for, by this light of heaven, I know not how I lost him. Here I kneel: If e’er my will did trespass ‘gainst his love, Either in discourse of thought or actual deed, Or that mine eyes, mine ears, or any sense, Delighted them in any other form; Or that I do not yet, and ever did. And ever will—though he do shake me off To beggarly divorcement—love him dearly, Comfort forswear me! Unkindness may do much; And his unkindness may defeat my life, But never taint my love. I cannot say ‘whore:’ It does abhor me now I speak the word; To do the act that might the addition earn Not the world’s mass of vanity could make me.”

9. “Thou knowest the mask of night…” – Juliet from ‘Romeo and Juliet’

Perhaps the most iconic tragedy to date, ‘Romeo And Juliet’ bare countless woeful speeches. You can get your fill of drama with Juliet’s “Thou knowest the mask of night” monologue.

Monologue Length: 1:00 – 1:15

“Thou knowest the mask of night is on my face;
Else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek
For that which thou hast heard me speak to-night.
Fain would I dwell on form — fain, fain deny
What I have spoke; but farewell compliment!
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say ‘Ay’;
And I will take thy word. Yet, if thou swear’st,
Thou mayst prove false. At lovers’ perjuries,
They say Jove laughs. O gentle Romeo,
If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully.
Or if thou thinkest I am too quickly won,
I’ll frown, and be perverse, and say thee nay,
So thou wilt woo; but else, not for the world.
In truth, fair Montague, I am too fond,
And therefore thou mayst think my havior light;
But trust me, gentleman, I’ll prove more true
Than those that have more cunning to be strange.
I should have been more strange, I must confess,
But that thou overheard’st, ere I was ware,
My true-love passion. Therefore pardon me,
And not impute this yielding to light love,
Which the dark night hath so discovered.”

10. “Cremuel– tell the Ambassador of the bill you are bringing into Parliament.” – Anne Boleyn from ‘Wolf Hall’

‘Wolf Hall’ sheds light on the Tudor era of King Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn through the eyes of Thomas Cromwell. Channel your anguished inner queen with these words by Anne…

Monologue Length: 1:05 – 1:20

“Cremuel– tell the Ambassador of the bill you are bringing into Parliament. I wish it made clear to your master, and to all Europe, that a bill is going through Parliament which settles the succession of England on my children. Mine. Not Katharine’s. When a son is born to me he shall succeed to the throne of England. And my daughters are and shall be royal princesses.

Cremuel’s bill declares that Katharine’s child Mary is a bastard– she was never your wife, Henry, so the child you go on her is a bastard–is that not so, Cremuel? It’s not enough to put Mary out of the line of succession! It’s no good to me. I want her made a bastard. You bill will make her a bastard.

You are worried about her cousin, the Emperor? You don’t want to provoke him? No? Then I shall provoke him for you. I shall tell you, Ambassador, what will happen to Mary. The Princess Elizabeth is to have her own household and the bastard Mary will join it as her servant. She will go on her knees to my daughter. And if she won’t bend her knee then she shall be beaten and buffeted until she does bend. She will call my daughter Princess, or I shall make her suffer.”

11. “I went to the typing instructor and introduced myself as your mother.” – Amanda Wingfield from ‘The Glass Menagerie’

A devoted yet overprotective mother involves herself with the business of her children in this monologue from the acclaimed play, ‘The Glass Menagerie’.

Monologue Length: 1:25 – 1:40

“I went to the typing instructor and introduced myself as your mother. She didn’t know who you were. Wingfield, she said. We don’t have any such student enrolled at the school! I assured her she did, that you had been going to classes since early in January. ‘I wonder,’ she said, ‘if you could be talking about that terribly shy little girl who dropped out of school after only a few days’ attendance?’ ‘No,’ I said, ‘Laura, my daughter, has been going to school every day for the past six weeks!’ ‘Excuse me,’ she said. She took the attendance book out and there was your name, unmistakably printed, and all the dates you were absent until they decided that you had dropped out of school. I still said, ‘No, there must have been some mistake I There must have been some mix‐up in the records!’ And she said, ‘No – I remember her perfectly now. Her hands shook so that she couldn’t hit the right keys! The first time we gave a speed‐test, she broke down completely ‐ was sick at the stomach and almost had to be carried into the wash‐room! After that morning she never showed up any more. We phoned the house but never got any answer’ – while I was working at Famous and Barr, I suppose, demonstrating those – Oh! I felt so weak I could barely keep on my feet! I had to sit down while they got me a glass of water! Fifty dollars’ tuition, all of our plans – my hopes and ambition for you – just gone up the spout, just gone up the spout like that.”

12. “When I was very small…” – Beneatha Younger from ‘A Raisin In the Sun’

Audiences are brought into the living room of one Chicago family in ‘A Raisin In The Sun’. Beneatha, one of the play’s main characters, discusses her past in the below snippet.

Monologue Length: 1:15 – 1:30

“When I was very small…we used to take our sleds out in the wintertime and the only hills we had were the ice covered stone steps of some houses down the street. And we used to fill them in with snow and make them smooth and slide down them all day…and it was very dangerous you know…far too steep…and sure enough one day a kid named Rufus came down too fast and hit the sidewalk…and we saw his face just split open right there in front of us…and I remember standing there looking at his bloody open face thinking that was the end of Rufus. But the ambulance came and they took him to the hospital and they fixed the broken bones and they sewed it all up…and the next time I saw Rufus he just had a little line down the middle of his face…I never got over that…

That that was what one person could do for another, fix him up–sew up the problem, make him all right again. That was the most marvelous thing in the world…I wanted to do that. I always thought it was the one concrete thing in the world that human being could do. Fix up the sick, you know–and make them whole again. This was truly being God…”

13. “Yes–someday, perhaps, after many years…” – Nora Helmer from ‘A Doll’s House’

This play’s leading lady is a model housewife and mother plagued by an inner discontentment for her “perfect” world.

Monologue Length: 1:00 – 1:15

“Yes–someday, perhaps, after many years, when I am no longer as nice-looking as I am now. Don’t laugh at me! I mean, of course, when Torvald is no longer as devoted to me as he is now; when my dancing and dressing-up and reciting have palled on him; then it may be a good thing to have something in reserve–[Breaking off.] What nonsense! That time will never come. Now, what do you think of my great secret, Christine? Do you still think I am of no use? I can tell you, too, that this affair has caused me a lot of worry. It has been by no means easy for me to meet my engagements punctually. I may tell you that there is something that is called, in business, quarterly interest, and another thing called payment in installments, and it is always so dreadfully difficult to manage them. I have had to save a little here and there, where I could, you understand. I have not been able to put aside much from my housekeeping money, for Torvald must have a good table. I couldn’t let my children be shabbily dressed; I have felt obliged to use up all he gave me for them, the sweet little darlings!”

14. “He was a boy, just a boy…” – Blanche DuBois from ‘A Streetcar Named Desire’

In one of theatre’s most known works written by Tennessee Williams, Blanche DuBois shares her discovery of love and its tumultuous and tragic downfall.

Monologue Length: 1:50 – 2:10

“He was a boy, just a boy, when I was a very young girl. When I was sixteen, I made the discovery–love. All at once and much, much too completely. It was like you suddenly turned a blinding light on something that had always been half in shadow, that’s how it struck the world for me. But I was unlucky. Deluded. There was something different about the boy, a nervousness, a softness and tenderness which wasn’t like a man’s, although he wasn’t the least bit effeminate looking–still–that thing was there…. He came to me for help. I didn’t know that. I didn’t find out anything till after our marriage when we’d run away and come back and all I knew was I’d failed him in some mysterious way and wasn’t able to give the help he needed but couldn’t speak of! He was in the quicksands and clutching at me–but I wasn’t holding him out, I was slipping in with him! I didn’t know that. I didn’t know anything except I loved him unendurably but without being able to help him or help myself. Then I found out. In the worst of all possible ways. By coming suddenly into a room that I thought was empty–which wasn’t empty, but had two people in it… the boy I had married and an older man who had been his friend for years….

[… …]

I ran out–all did!–all ran and gathered about the terrible thing at the edge of the lake! I couldn’t get near for the crowding. Then somebody caught my arm. “Don’t go any closer! Come back! You don’t want to see!” See? See what! Then I heard voices say–Allan! Allan! The Grey boy! He’d stuck the revolver into his mouth, and fired–so that the back of his head had been–blown away!

It was because–on the dance-floor–unable to stop myself–I’d suddenly said–“I saw! I know! You disgust me…” And then the searchlight which had been turned on the world was turned off again and never for one moment since has there been any light that’s stronger than this–kitchen– candle…”

15. “Fie, fie, unknit that threat’ning unkind brow…” Katherine from ‘The Taming Of The Shrew’

Shakespeare’s comedy (later adapted into musical form via ‘Kiss Me, Kate’) also brings drama to the table. If it’s an eloquent monologue comprised of old English you’re looking for, put your twist on Katherine’s “Fie, fie, unknit that threat’ning unkind brow…”

Monologue Length: Up to 2:15

“Fie, fie, unknit that threat’ning unkind brow
And dart not scornful glances from those eyes
To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor.
It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads,
Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds,
And in no sense is meet or amiable.
A woman moved is like a fountain troubled,
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty,
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.
Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee
And for thy maintenance; commits his body
To painful labor both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou li’st warm at home, secure and safe;
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks, and true obedience–
Too little payment for so great a debt.”

[Full Monologue HERE]

16. “A reserved lover, it is said, always makes a suspicious husband.” – Kate Hardcastle from ‘She Stoops To Conquer’

Conquer this traditional dramatic monologue at your next audition. It’s spoken by Kate Hardcastle (also known as “Miss Hardcastle), the story’s heroine who yearns for true love.

Monologue Length: 1:45 – 2:00

“A reserved lover, it is said, always makes a suspicious husband. […] He must have more striking features to catch me, I promise you. However, if he be so young, so handsome, and so everything as you mention, I believe he’ll do still. I think I’ll have him. […] Well, if he refuses, instead of breaking my heart at his indifference, I’ll only break my glass for its flattery, set my cap to some newer fashion, and look out for some less difficult admirer. […] Lud, this news of papa’s puts me all in a flutter. Young, handsome; these he put last; but I put them foremost. Sensible, good-natured; I like all that. But then reserved, and sheepish, that’s much against him. Yet can’t he be cured of his timidity, by being taught to be proud of his wife? Yes, and can’t I–But I vow I’m disposing of the husband, before I have secured the lover.”

17. “Oh, my sins….” – Lyuba Ranevsky from ‘The Cherry Orchard’

In Chekhov’s symbolic drama, the role of Lyuba encompasses a richly complex woman who continually attempts to run from her troubles in search of a happier life.

Monologue Length: 1:10 – 1:25

“Oh, my sins…. I’ve always scattered money about without holding myself in, like a madwoman, and I married a man who made nothing but debts. My husband died of champagne—he drank terribly—and to my misfortune, I fell in love with another man and went off with him, and just at that time—it was my first punishment, a blow that hit me right on the head—here, in the river… my boy was drowned, and I went away, quite away, never to return, never to see this river again…I shut my eyes and ran without thinking, but he ran after me… without pity, without respect. I bought a villa near Mentone because he fell ill there, and for three years I knew no rest either by day or night; the sick man wore me out, and my soul dried up. And last year, when they had sold the villa to pay my debts, I went away to Paris, and there he robbed me of all I had and threw me over and went off with another woman. I tried to poison myself…. It was so silly, so shameful…. And suddenly I longed to be back in Russia, my own land, with my little girl…. [Wipes her tears] Lord, Lord be merciful to me, forgive me my sins! Punish me no more! [Takes a telegram out of her pocket] I had this to-day from Paris…. He begs my forgiveness, he implores me to return…. [Tears it up] Don’t I hear music? [Listens.]”

Have a great dramatic monologue to share with other thespians? Comment below…

The post 17 Dramatic Monologues For Women appeared first on Theatre Nerds.

Impress your casting director with these 17 comedic monologues for men:

1. “I would like to say something your honor…” – Leo Bloom from ‘The Producers’

Chronicling a goofy duo of ‘has been’ Broadway producers, this aptly titled musical is packed with satire and witty dialogue making it a shoo-in for a comedic monologue choice. Take on the role of Leo Bloom, a nerve-wracked accountant who partners up with the bold and scheming Max Bialystock.

Monologue Length: 1:08 – 1:20

“I would like to say something your honor, not on my behalf, but in reference to my partner, Mr. Bialystock….your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Max Bialystock is the most selfish man I ever met in my life…Not only is he liar, and a cheat and a scoundrel, and a crook, who has taken money from little old ladies, he has also talked people into doing things, especially me, that they would never in a thousand years had dreamed of doing. But, your honor, as I understand it the law was created to protect people from being wronged. Your honor, whom has Max Bialystock wronged? I mean, whom has he really hurt? Not me. Not me. I was…. this man…. no one ever called me Leo before. I mean, I know it’s not a big legal point, but even in kindergarten they used to call me Bloom. I never sang a song before. I mean with someone else, I never sang a song with someone else before. This man…. this man… this is a wonderful man. He made me what I am today…he did. And what of the dear ladies? What would their lives have been without Max Bialystock? Max Bialystock, who made them feel young, and attractive, and wanted again. That’s all I have to say.”

2. “Perhaps you think…” – Black Stache from ‘Peter And The Starcatchers’

Do you have a knack for the dark side? Set sail with this fantastical monologue from the Tony Award-winning play, “Peter And The Starcatchers.” Show the audition room that it’s not easy being a villainous pirate – as seen by this lament from the ominous (and slightly silly) Captain Black Stache.

Monologue Length: 45 seconds – 1 minute

“Perchance you think a treasure trunk sans treasure has put my piratical BVDs in a twist? How wrong you are. Yes, I’d hoped to be hip-deep in diamonds, but they’re a poor substitute for what I really crave: a bona fide hero to help me feel whole. For without a hero, what am I? Half a villain; a pirate in part; ruthless, but toothless. And then I saw you, and I thought, “Maybe? Can it be? Is he the one I’ve waited for? Would he, for example, give up something precious for the sake of the daughter he loves?” But alas, he gives up sand. Now, let’s see: hero with treasure, very good. Hero with no treasure…. doable. No hero and a trunk full o’ sand? Not s’much. NOW, WHERE’S MY TREASURE?!?”

(Credit: Elice, Rick. Peter and the Starcatcher Disney Editions, 2014.)

3. “Eliza, you are to stay here…” – Henry Higgins from “My Fair Lady”

This monologue from Professor Henry Higgins sums up ‘My Fair Lady’ in a nutshell. As a stiff and stern educator, Higgins is out to make a lady of the wild and carefree Eliza Dolittle. He states his rules for their lessons in this memorable scene.

Monologue Length: 1:07 – 1:20

“Hmmm. Eliza, you are to stay here for the next six months learning how to speak beautifully, like a lady in a florist shop. If you’re good and do whatever you are told, you shall sleep in a proper bedroom, have lots to eat, and money to buy chocolates and take rides in taxis. But if you are naughty and idle you shall sleep in the back kitchen amongst the black beetles, and be walloped by Mrs. Pearce with a broomstick. At the end of six months you shall be taken to Buckingham Palace in a carriage, beautifully dressed. If the King finds out that you are not a lady, the police will take you to the Tower of London, where your head will be cut off as a warning to other presumptuous flower girls (Eliza looks up at him terrified) But if you are not found out, you shall have a present of seven-and-six to start life with as a lady in a shop. If you refuse this offer you will be a most ungrateful wicked girl, and the angels will weep for you. (Seeing by Eliza’s reaction that she has understood every word he turns to Pickering, his former tone instantly changed to one of good humor) Now are you satisfied, Pickering?”

4. “Juicy as a pomegranate.” – Beverly Carlton from “The Man Who Came To Dinner”

If it’s a bit of dramatic flair you’re looking for, this might be your cup of tea. Enter Beverly Carlton: a playwright and performer with a talent for impressions. In this minute-long monologue, he reenacts an overly theatrical conversation.

Monologue Length: 55 seconds – 1:10

“Juicy as a pomegranate. It is the latest report from London on the winter maneuvers of Miss Lorraine Sheldon against the left flank — in fact, all flanks — of Lord Cedric Bottomley. Listen: “Lorraine has just left us in a cloud of Chanel Number Five. Since September, in her relentless pursuit of His Lordship, she has paused only to change girdles and check her oil. She has chased him, panting, from castle to castle, till he finally took refuge, for several weekends, in the gentleman’s lavatory of the House of Lords. Practically no one is betting on the Derby this year; we are all making book on Lorraine. She is sailing tomorrow on the Normandie, but would return on the Yankee Clipper if Bottomley so much as belches in her direction.” Have you ever met Lord Bottomley, Maggie dear? “Not v-v-very good shooting today, blast it. Only s-s-six partridges, f-f-four grouse, and the D-D-Duke of Sutherland.”

5. “I think lunchtime is about the worst time of day for me.” – Charlie Brown from ‘You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown’

Poor Charlie Brown! Nothing can ever seem to go right. In this scene, a melancholy Charlie discusses why lunchtime is his least favorite part of the day. Nail your audition with an excerpt from this Peanuts-inspired script.

Monologue Length: 2:12 – 2:30

“I think lunchtime is about the worst time of day for me. Always having to sit here alone. Of course, sometimes, mornings aren’t so pleasant either. Waking up and wondering if anyone would really miss me if I never got out of bed. Then there’s the night, too. Lying there and thinking about all the stupid things I’ve done during the day. And all those hours in between when I do all those stupid things. Well, lunchtime is among the worst times of the day for me. Well, I guess I’d better see what I’ve got. Peanut butter. Some psychiatrists say that people who eat peanut butter sandwiches are lonely…I guess they’re right. And when you’re really lonely, the peanut butter sticks to the roof of your mouth. There’s that cute little red-headed girl eating her lunch over there. I wonder what she would do if I went over and asked her if I could sit and have lunch with her?…She’d probably laugh right in my face…it’s hard on a face when it gets laughed in. There’s an empty place next to her on the bench. There’s no reason why I couldn’t just go over and sit there. I could do that right now. All I have to do is stand up…I’m standing up!…I’m sitting down. I’m a coward. I’m so much of a coward, she wouldn’t even think of looking at me. She hardly ever does look at me. In fact, I can’t remember her ever looking at me. Why shouldn’t she look at me? Is there any reason in the world why she shouldn’t look at me? Is she so great, and I’m so small, that she can’t spare one little moment?…SHE’S LOOKING AT ME!! SHE’S LOOKING AT ME!! (he puts his lunchbag over his head.) …Lunchtime is among the worst times of the day for me. If that little red-headed girl is looking at me with this stupid bag over my head she must think I’m the biggest fool alive. But, if she isn’t looking at me, then maybe I could take it off quickly and she’d never notice it. On the other hand…I can’t tell if she’s looking, until I take it off! Then again, if I never take it off I’ll never have to know if she was looking or not. On the other hand…it’s very hard to breathe in here. (he removes his sack) Whew! She’s not looking at me! I wonder why she never looks at me? Oh well, another lunch hour over with…only 2,863 to go.”

6.“Don’t let her bedevil you, gentlemen.” – Finian McLonergan from ‘Finian’s Rainbow’

If you’re opting for a traditional monologue, this snippet from ‘Finian’s Rainbow’ will do the trick. Walk into your audition as Finian himself using this outrageous speech which takes place after the titular character’s daughter is accused of witchcraft.

Monologue Length: 45 seconds – 1 minute

“Don’t let her bedevil you, gentlemen. A witch she is and a witch she’s always been. Who would know better than me, her unhappy father, who found her on me doorstep, left by a fairy in the moonlight. At the age of two, she could talk with the skylarks, and decode the chirping of the crickets. At the age of four, she could blow a rainbow out of a bubble pipe, and then wear her pants out sliding down it. Then, during her adolescence, she took a tragic turn. She began to change whiskey into milk. It was a crisis, a crisis. From then on, one change led to another, and now you are all witnesses to the unhappy climax – she’s changed a white man into a black. (silencing gesture) Quiet, Woody, I’m doing the right thing. Just a minute, gentlemen. Sharon can also change a black man into a white.”

7. “Well either you are closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge…” – Harold Hill from ‘The Music Man’

There may be seventy-six auditionees vying for a role, but only one will be cast! Impress casting directors by embodying the infamous Harold Hill, a traveling salesman who poses as a band director in a small Iowa town.

Monologue Length: 1:25 – 1:40

“Well either you are closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge, or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of a pool table in your community.
Well, you got trouble my friend. Right here, I say, trouble right here in River City. Why sure I’m a billiard player, certainly mighty proud to say, I’m always mighty proud to say it. I consider that the hours I spend with a cue in my hand are golden. Help ya cultivate horse sense, and cool head and a keen eye. Did you ever take and try to give an ironclad leave to yourself from a three rail billiard shot? But just as I say it takes judgement, brains and maturity to score in a balk line game, I say that any boob, can take and shove a ball in a pocket. And I call that sloth, the first big step on the road to the depths of degreda- I say first, medicinal wine from a teaspoon, then beer from a bottle. And the next thing you know your son is playing for money in a pinch back suit and listening to some big out of town jasper here to talk about horse race gamblin’. Not a wholesome trottin race, no, but a race where they sit down right on the horse! Like to see some stuck up jockey boy sitting on Dan-Patch? Make your blood boil? Well, I should say. Now friends, let me tell you what I mean. Ya got one, two, three, four, five, six pockets in a table. Pockets that mark the difference between a gentleman and a bum with a capital B and that rhymes with P and that stands for pool.”

8. “O, she misused me past the endurance of a block!” – Benedick from ‘Much Ado About Nothing’

Shakespearean dialogue has long been a popular monologue choice – and with good reason! These words, spoken by the role of Benedick, is a great choice if you’re looking to find a monologue that showcases old English and can be performed in approximately one minute.

Monologue Length: 1:05 – 1:15

“O, she misused me past the endurance of a block! An oak but with one green leaf on it would have answered her; my very visor began to assume life and scold with her. She told me, not thinking I had been myself, that I was the Prince’s jester, that I was duller than a great thaw; huddling jest upon jest with such impossible conveyance upon me that I stood like a man at a mark, with a whole army shooting at me. She speaks poniards, and every word stabs. If her breath were as terrible as her terminations, there were no living near her; she would infect the North Star. I would not marry her though she were endowed with all that Adam had left him before he transgressed. She would have made Hercules have turned spit, yea, and have cleft his club to make the fire too. Come, talk not of her. You shall find her the infernal Ate in good apparel. I would to God some scholar would conjure her, for certainly, while she is here, a man may live as quiet in hell as in a sanctuary; and people sin upon purpose, because they would go thither; so indeed all disquiet, horror, and perturbation follows her.”

9. “And I, forsooth, in love!” – Berowne from ‘Love’s Labour’s Lost’

This particular Shakespearean declaration of love is a tad dramatic (and can be a fun monologue when auditioning for a comedic role!) Berowne, a former cynic when it comes to romance, unexpectedly falls for a beautiful girl; this new revelation sparks the words below…

Monologue Length: 1:20 – 1:45

“And I, forsooth, in love!
I, that have been love’s whip,
A very beadle to a humorous sigh,
A critic, nay, a night-watch constable,
A domineering pedant o’er the boy,
Than whom no mortal so magnificent.
This wimpled, whining, purblind, wayward boy,
This signor-junior, giant-dwarf, Dan Cupid,
Regent of love-rimes, lord of folded arms,
The anointed sovereign of sighs and groans,
Liege of all loiterers and malcontents,
Dread prince of plackets, king of codpieces,
Sole imperator and great general
Of trotting paritors — O my little heart!
And I to be a corporal of his field,
And wear his colors like a tumbler’s hoop!
What? I love, I sue, I seek a wife!
A woman that is like a German clock,
Still a-repairing, ever out of frame,
And never going aright, being a watch,
But being watched that it may still go right!
Nay, to be perjured, which is worst of all;
And, among three, to love the worst of all;
A whitely wanton with a velvet brow,
With two pitch balls stuck in her face for eyes.
Ay, and, by heaven, one that will do the deed,
Though Argus were her eunuch and her guard.
And I to sigh for her, to watch for her,
To pray for her! Go to, it is a plague
That Cupid will impose for my neglect
Of his almighty dreadful little might.
Well, I will love, write, sigh, pray, sue, groan:
Some men must love my lady, and some Joan.”

10. “Well, kiddies, that’s what happened to Tommy today.” – Jeff Douglas from ‘Brigadoon’

Pack your bags and take a trip to Brigadoon with this monologue. Lerner and Lowe’s beloved show follows two friends who stumble upon a mystic town that appears once every 100 years (ooh! aah!)

Monologue Length: 1:30 – 1:45

“Well, kiddies, that’s what happened to Tommy today. But, what about his friend Jeff? Well, he had fun too. Tonight he went running off through the woods after some highland hot-head who was gonna make all the people disappear by crossing the wrong street. Well after a while, Jeff thought he saw a bird perched low in a tree, and he shot at it. Something fell to the ground. He rushed over to it, and whaddya think it was? It was hot-head Harry. Yessir, the boy Dermish himself, lying there looking all dead….Now to kill somebody somewhere else in the world would’ve been an awful thing, but you see, Harry was a citizen of the little town that wasn’t there, and he probably never lived in the first place. Chances are there weren’t even any woods. In fact the whole day probably never even happened, because you see, this is a fairy tale…(angry) Dream stuff, boy, all made up outta broomsticks and wishing wells! It’s either that or a boot camp for lunatics, I don’t know what goes on around here. All I know is that whatever it is, it’s got nothing to do with me and nothing to do with you! And anything that happens to either of us just doesn’t count! How can it when you don’t understand it? And you wanna give up your family, your friends, your whole life for this? It’s not even worth arguing about. Now go say goodbye to the little people and thank them for the picnic!…You’re confused aren’t ya boy? You know, if you believed as much as you think you do, you wouldn’t be.”

11. “Okay. Now here it comes.” – Man In Chair from ‘The Drowsy Chaperone’

Over the years, the nameless Man In Chair has been played by many well-known actors. Now it’s your time to shine with this iconic monologue from “The Drowsy Chaperone.”

Monologue Length: 1:18 – 1:30

“Okay. Now here it comes. The moment I was talking about […] a moment that has fascinated me more than any other and that has brought me back to this record again and again. Here it comes. (Pause). You can’t quite make out what she says because someone drops a cane. Is she saying “live while you can,” or “leave while you can”? And that’s exactly what you think when you’re standing at the altar, isn’t it, “Live” or “Leave” and you have to live. [… … …] So, one day […] you say “I love you” and you basically phrase it as a question, but they accept it as fact and then suddenly there she is standing in front of you in a three thousand dollar dress with tears in her eyes, and her nephew made the huppah, so what do you do? […] You choose to live. And for a couple of months you stare at the alien form in the bed beside you and you think to yourself “Who are you? Who are you?” And one day you say it out loud…then it’s a trial separation and couples counseling and all your conversations are about her eating disorder and your Zoloft addiction, […] and the whole “relationship” ends on a particularly ugly note with your only copy of Gypsy spinning through the air and smashing against the living room wall. But still, in the larger sense, in a broader sense, it’s better to have lived than left, right?”

12.“I’m sorry to have to say it to your face, Lucy, but it’s true.” – Schroeder from ‘You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown’

If this were a ‘Friends’ episode, this monologue would be called ‘the one where Schroeder calls out Lucy for being crabby. This humorous confrontation is a light-hearted pick especially if you’re auditioning for the role of a young character.

Monologue Length: 40 seconds – 1 minute

“I’m sorry to have to say it to your face, Lucy, but it’s true. You’re a very crabby person. I know your crabbiness has probably become so natural to you now that you’re not even aware when you’re being crabby, but it’s true just the same. You’re a very crabby person and you’re crabby to just about everyone you meet. Now I hope you don’t mind my saying this, Lucy, and I hope you’re take it in the spirit that it’s meant. I think we should be very open to any opportunity to learn more about ourselves. I think Socrates was very right when he said that one of the first rules for anyone in life is ‘Know Thyself’. Well, I guess I’ve said about enough. I hope I haven’t offended you or anything.”

13. “It pains me very much to have to speak frankly to you, Lady Bracknell…” – Jack from ‘The Importance of Being Earnest’

This classic work by Oscar Wilde is best known for its cleverness and wit. While much of the text comes across as prim and proper, the play is a farce commenting on social hierarchies and traditions of the upper class.

Monologue Length: 1:05 – 1:15

“It pains me very much to have to speak frankly to you, Lady Bracknell, about your nephew, but the fact is that I do not approve at all of his moral character. I suspect him of being untruthful. I fear there can be no possible doubt about the matter. This afternoon during my temporary absence in London on an important question of romance, he obtained admission to my house by means of the false pretence of being my brother. Under an assumed name he drank, I’ve just been informed by my butler, an entire pint bottle of my Perrier-Jouet, Brut, ’89; wine I was specially reserving for myself. Continuing his disgraceful deception, he succeeded in the course of the afternoon in alienating the affections of my only ward. He subsequently stayed to tea, and devoured every single muffin. And what makes his conduct all the more heartless is, that he was perfectly well aware from the first that I have no brother, that I never had a brother, and that I don’t intend to have a brother, not even of any kind. I distinctly told him so myself yesterday afternoon.”

14. “Medium” Monologue by Joseph Arnone

In this contemporary piece, Derek might have a bit of a “Napoleon complex.” Put your unique spin on his character with this unique monologue (available on monologueblogger.com) if you’re looking for something new and modern.

Monologue Length: 1:30 – 1:45

DEREK: “I’m a medium. Why do you keep asking me if I’m a small? Do I look like a hobbit to you? I have wide shoulders. (standing up from his seat) Look. Look at me. See how my shoulders are wide and then as you go down it starts to V, that’s because I have wide shoulders, alright?

(beat)

I know the last shirt you got me was a small and still looked big on me. That’s because it was made that way. That’s the design of how that company makes that style shirt. There are other companies I can get in a large, like that coat you made fun of me in, that was the style, a little baggy…well, actually, yeah, you’re right about the coat. It was too big. Why did I buy a coat so big??

(beat)

Honey, do I suffer from a slight case of Napoleon disease? Not like a big case but like a small case…you think? Well, my height is 5’11 so I’m no Napoleon. What? I am 5’11! I’m not 5’9. Listen, when we measured last time it was in an old house with crooked flooring, alright? Your mother’s floor is still the original from 1910. It’s all lopsided. Everyone’s height fluctuates in that house depending on where they’re standing. Your Uncle Tobey, who’s 2’2 was staring down at me in the kitchen and then in the living room he was at my knees. Come on, that’s not fair. I’m no smaller than 5’10, that I’m one hundred percent sure about. On my life, I swear on my life about that and that’s still a good height for a guy so I’m not complaining. I’ll give you the inch.

But please, most shirts fit me as a medium, so order me a medium.”

15. “God, Gloria, how I always loved this!” – Leo from ‘At Long Last Leo’

This play touches on human nature, family dynamics and the promise of a better life. Leo is addicted to thinking, hoping and changing which can be seen in this excerpt from ‘At Long Last Leo.’

Monologue Length: 1:05 – 1:15

“God, Gloria, how I always loved this! (sits on the ground) Being out back at night, looking up at the sky. It always made me think about what an extraordinary tourist attraction the world is. About all the famous people who’ve lived here, and all the incredible events that have happened right here on this planet. Sometimes, you know what I think about? I think about all the incredible events that have happened that history never knew about. I mean it is unbelievable some of the things that must have happened that, for one reason or another, we don’t know about. Sometimes, I think about all the amazing coincidences that have happened that you hear about. And then I think about all the amazing coincidences that almost happened, but didn’t…because one guy went down the canned food aisle just as the other one went down the baking goods aisle. I can feel this planet, Gloria. I swear I can actually feel this planet hurtling through space. Fast. Much faster than we realize. (then) Know what else I think about that’s weird? What if it turns out I really am the next Moses? Can you imagine? What if I really am?”

16. “You know why men are constantly fighting instead of working together to survive?” – Barry from ‘Dreams In Captivity’

It’s a man’s world in this short monologue from Gabriel Davis’ ‘Dreams In Captivity.’ Find your distinct inspiration for Barry, a Lazy Boy salesman who has a thing or two to say.

Monologue Length: 40 seconds – 1 minute

“You know why men are constantly fighting instead of working together to survive? Simple. Man is mainly motivated to sit on his ass. Our greatest inventors are busy right now finding more ways for us to sit on our ass better. And when they make it, men will kill to sit on it. Wars will happen because every man wants the best Lazy Boy Recliner in the galaxy. AND I SELL IT. I sell a deluxe Lazy Boy outfitted with massagers, heating pads, a cooling unit for drinks – it’s the closest experience of comfort a man can get on earth short of climbing back through his mother’s hoo-ha into the womb. If it’s a choice between that and helping you colonize space? No contest.”

17. “If music be the food of love, play on.” – Orsino from ‘Twelfth Night’

All the world’s a stage and, therefore, we must end our collection with another monologue by Shakespeare. Orsino, a powerful nobleman, is the definition of lovesick. Command the audition room with this hilarious declaration of love.

Monologue Length: 40 seconds – 1 minute

“If music be the food of love, play on; Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting, The appetite may sicken, and so die. That strain again! it had a dying fall: O, it came o’er my ear like the sweet sound, That breathes upon a bank of violets, Stealing and giving odour! Enough; no more: ‘Tis not so sweet now as it was before. O spirit of love! how quick and fresh art thou, That, notwithstanding thy capacity Receiveth as the sea, nought enters there, Of what validity and pitch soe’er, But falls into abatement and low price, Even in a minute: so full of shapes is fancy That it alone is high fantastical.”

Have a great comedic monologue to share with other actors? Comment below…

The post 17 Comedic Monologues For Men appeared first on Theatre Nerds.

Next time you’re looking to slay an audition with a funny monologue (YAS, QUEEN!), peruse this diverse collection.

Here are 17 great comedic monologues for women:

1. “So, the day after I turned 18…” – Val Clarke from ‘A Chorus Line’

Chances are, you and Val have at least one thing in common: you’re familiar with the trials and tribulations of auditioning. This witty monologue, from the acclaimed musical, ‘A Chorus Line,’ denotes one dancer’s darkly comedic journey to the Broadway stage.

Monologue Length: 2:10 – 2:30

“So, the day after I turned 18, I kissed the folks goodbye, got on a Trailways bus – and headed for the big bad apple. Cause I wanted to be a Rockette. Oh, yeah, let’s get one thing straight. See, I never heard about “The Red Shoes,” I never saw “The Red Shoes,” I didn’t give a fu** about “The Red Shoes.” I decided to be a Rockette because this girl in my home town – Louella Heiner – had actually gotten out and made it in New York. And she was a Rockette. Well, she came home one Christmas to visit, and they gave her a parade. A goddamn parade! I twirled a friggin’ baton for two hours in the rain. Unfortunately though, she got knocked up over Christmas. Merry Christmas – and never made it back to Radio City. That was my plan. New York, New York. Except I had one minor problem. See, I was ugly as sin. I was ugly, skinny, homely, unattractive and flat as a pancake. Get the picture? Anyway, I got off this bus in my little white shoes, my little white tights, little white dress, my little ugly face, and my long blonde hair – which was natural then. I looked like a fucking nurse! I had 87 dollars in my pocket and seven years of tap and acrobatics. I could do a hundred and eighty degree split and come up tapping the Morse Code. Well, with that kind of talent I figured the Mayor would be waiting for me at Port Authority. Wrong! I had to wait 6 months for an audition. Well, finally the big day came. I showed up at the Music Hall with my red patent leather tap shoes. And I did my little tap routine. And this man said to me: Can you do fankicks? – Well, sure I could do terrific fankicks. But they weren’t good enough. Of course, what he was trying to tell me was…it was the way I looked, not the fankicks. So I said: Fuck you, Radio City and the Rockettes! I’m gonna make on Broadway!

Well, Broadway, same story. Every audition. I mean I’d dance rings around the other girls and find myself in the alley with the other rejects. But after a while I caught on. I mean I had eyes. I saw what they were hiring. I also swiped my dance card once after an audition. And on a scale of 10….they gave me for dance 10. For looks: 3.”

2. “I can’t open sardines and answer the phone…” – Dotty Otley from ‘Noises Off’

Who doesn’t love an audition where you’re playing a character auditioning to play a character? This play-within-a-play features Dotty Otley, a washed-up actress who has a flare for the dramatics. Dotty is not only a principal investor in the play’s production but cherishes the role of Mrs. Clackett, a gossipy housekeeper.

Monologue Length: 1:10 – 1:25

“It’s no good you going on. I can’t open sardines and answer the phone. I’ve only got one pair of feet. Hello…. Yes, but there’s no one here, love…. No, Mr. Brent’s not here…He lives here, yes, but he don’t live here now because he lives in Spain… Mr. Philip Brent, that’s right…. The one who writes the plays, that’s him, only now he writes them in Spain… No, she’s in Spain, too, they’re all in Spain, there’s no one here… Am I in Spain? No, I’m not in Spain, dear. I look after the house for him, but I go home at one o’clock on Wednesday, only I’ve got a nice plate of sardines to put my feet up with, because it’s the royal what’s-it’s called on the telly — the royal you know — where’s the paper, then? And if it’s to do with letting the house then you’ll have to ring the house-agents, because they’re the agents for the house…. Squire Squire, Hackham and who’s the other one…? No, they’re not in Spain, they’re next to the phone in the study. Squire, Squire, Hackham, and hold on, I’ll go and look. Always the same, isn’t it. Soon as you take the weight off your feet, down it all comes on your head.”

3. “I sighted a herd near Penguin’s Creek” – Lady Mary from ‘The Admirable Crichton’

If it’s traveling back in time you like, choose the words of Lady Mary Lasenby, daughter of an English lord who is stuck on a deserted island with fellow aristocrats. Derived from a play by James M. Barrie (creator of ‘Peter Pan’), this challenging monologue proves a unique pick.

Monologue Length: 45 seconds – 1 minute

“I sighted a herd near Penguin’s Creek, but had to creep round Silver Lake to get to windward of them. However, they spotted me and then the fun began. There was nothing for it but to try and run them down, so I singled out a fat buck and away we went down the shore of the lake, up the valley of rolling stones; he doubled into Brawling River and took to the water, but I swam after him; the river is only half a mile broad there, but it runs strong. He went spinning down the rapids, down I went in pursuit; he clambered ashore, I clambered ashore; away we tore helter-skelter up the hill and down again. I lost him in the marshes, got on his track again near Bread Fruit Wood, and brought him down with an arrow in Firefly Grove.”

4. “[Let me] tell you again, Grace, how important it is to give everyone a chance.” – Mrs. Armstrong from ‘The Best Christmas Pageant Ever’

Enter Mrs. Armstrong: veteran Christmas pageant director dedicated to ensuring one church’s amateur stage adaptation of the story of Jesus’ birth does the Bible justice. Tackle her hilarious lecture, and you’re sure to bring a little holiday cheer to the room.

Monologue Length: 1:15-1:30

“[Let me]tell you again, Grace, how important it is to give everyone a chance. Here’s what I do — I always start with Mary and tell them we must choose our Mary carefully because Mary was the mother of Jesus… Yes, and then I tell them about Joseph, that he was God’s choice to be Jesus’ father. That’s how I explain that. Frankly, I don’t ever spend much time on Joseph because it’s always Elmer Hopkins, and he knows all about Mary and Joseph, but I do explain about the Wise Men and the shepherds and how important they are. And I tell them, there are no small parts, only small actors. Remind the angel choir not to stare at the audience, and don’t let them wear earrings and things like that. And don’t let them wear clunky shoes or high heels. I just hope you don’t have too many baby angels, Grace, because they’ll be your biggest problem. You’ll have to get someone to push the baby angels on, otherwise they get in each other’s way and bend their wings. Bob could do that, and he could keep an eye on the shepherds too. Oh, another thing about the angel choir. Don’t let them wear lipstick. They think because it’s a play that they have to wear lipstick, and it looks terrible. So tell them…. And, Grace, don’t use just anybody’s baby for Jesus… get a quiet one. Better yet, get two if you can… then if one turns out to be fussy, you can always switch them.”

5. “I got a ‘C’ on my coathanger sculpture?” – Sally Brown from ‘You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown’

Charlie Brown and friends may be a mere bunch of kids, but the beauty of the hit musical, “You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown” is that a cast of adult actors brings this motley crew to life. Poor Sally garners an average ‘C’ grade for a school sculpture, and she has a thing or two to say about it…

Monologue Length: 1 Minute

“A ‘C’? A ‘C’? I got a ‘C’ on my coathanger sculpture? How could anyone get a ‘C’ in coathanger sculpture? May I ask a question? Was I judged on the piece of sculpture itself? If so, is it not true that time alone can judge a work of art? Or was I judged on my talent? If so, is it fair that I be judged on a part of my life over which I have no control? If I was judged on my effort, then I was judged unfairly, for I tried as hard as I could! Was I judged on what I had learned about this project? If so, then were not you, my teacher, also being judged on your ability to transmit your knowledge to me? Are you willing to share my ‘C’? Perhaps I was being judged on the quality of coathanger itself out of which my creation was made…now is this not also unfair? Am I to be judged by the quality of coat hangers that are used by the drycleaning establishment that returns our garments? Is that not the responsibility of my parents? Should they not share my ‘C’?”

6. “Do you know what I intend?” – Lucy Van Pelt from ‘You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown’

If it’s another member of Charlie Brown’s gang that strikes your fancy (or if you have a knack for dishing severe sass), check out this infamous declaration by the incomparable Lucy Van Pelt. Spoiler alert: she intends to be a QUEEN!

Monologue Length: 1 Minute

“Do you know what I intend? I intend to be a queen. When I grow up I’m going to be the biggest queen there ever was, and I’ll live in a big palace and when I go out in my coach, all the people will wave and I will shout at them, and…and…in the summertime I will go to my summer palace and I’ll wear my crown in swimming and everything, and all the people will cheer and I will shout at them… What do you mean I can’t be queen? Nobody should be kept from being a queen if she wants to be one. It’s usually just a matter of knowing the right people.. ..well…. if I can’t be a queen, then I’ll be very rich then I will buy myself a queendom. Yes, I will buy myself a queendom and then I’ll kick out the old queen and take over the whole operation myself. I will be head queen.”

7. “I’m sorry, but a good HALF of the United States hates pigeons.” – Janet from ‘The West Wing’

Jenny Kirlin’s short play offers plenty of witty political humor. If you’re in need of a shorter monologue, consider reading this snippet of theatre that features a great opening line (we do hate pigeons!)

Monologue Length: 30 Seconds

“I’m sorry, but a good HALF of the United States hates pigeons. One third shoots them for game. I’m not the only bad guy here. You would have voted for an elephant if it had told you it could fix the economy. Which, by the way, is still not fixed. A giant goose egg. […] I’m sorry if I am offending you, but I find it more than a little offensive that I just walked my daughter past a portrait of a pigeon in the National Art Gallery before I came here.”

8. “Well nothing’s perfect Benjamin” – Elaine Robinson from ‘The Graduate’

If you’re a film buff as well as a theatre nerd, you may enjoy reading from the stage version of cult-classic blockbuster, ‘The Graduate.’ Your part? Elaine Robinson, daughter of Mrs. Robinson (*cue Simon & Garfunkel*).

Monologue Length: 1 Minute

“Well nothing’s perfect Benjamin. I wish my mother didn’t drink so much. I wish I’d never fallen out of that tree and broken my thumb because it so affects my fingering I’ll probably never play the violin as well as I’d love to but that’s about it for the bullshit, Benjamin. It’s only bullshit if you let it pile up. Heaven’s in the details. Someone said that. I think Robert Frost said that. I was in this diner with my roommate Diane? And this guy came along with a goat on a rope and it turns out the reason he’s got a little goat on a rope is that he was thrown out the day before for bringing in his dog? But the point is that Diane had stood up to leave when she saw the man walk in and she sat straight down again and said, well if there’s a goat I think I’ll have dessert. And that’s why I love Diane, because if you think like that you not only notice more little goats, you get more dessert.”

9. “O, I am out of breath in this fond chase!” – Helena from ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’

Are your acting chops shown best when getting in tune with old-school theatre? A Shakespeare monologue can do no wrong. Fortunately, The Bard did auditionees the favor of writing comedies and tragedies; and “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” is one of his most beloved comedic plays. To read Helena’s monologue or not to read Helena’s monologue, that is the question…

Monologue Length: 45 Seconds

“O, I am out of breath in this fond chase!
The more my prayer, the lesser is my grace.
Happy is Hermia, wheresoe’er she lies;
For she hath blessed and attractive eyes. 
How came her eyes so bright? Not with salt tears:
If so, my eyes are oftener wash’d than hers.
No, no, I am as ugly as a bear;
For beasts that meet me run away for fear:
Therefore no marvel though Demetrius 
Do, as a monster fly my presence thus.
What wicked and dissembling glass of mine
Made me compare with Hermia’s sphery eyne?
But who is here? Lysander! on the ground!
Dead? or asleep? I see no blood, no wound.
Lysander if you live, good sir, awake”

10. “And why, I pray you?” – Rosalind from ‘As You Like It’

We’ve another Shakespearean gem for you: Cue Rosalind, the smart, cunning and beautiful heroine of ‘As You Like It.’ Yes, this comedic piece also has a dramatic flair to it but the text lends itself to some witty interpretations.

Monologue Length: 1:20-1:30

“And why, I pray you? Who might be your mother,
That you insult, exult, and all at once,
Over the wretched? What though you have no beauty,–
As by my faith, I see no more in you
Than without candle may go dark to bed,–
Must you be therefore proud and pitiless?
Why, what means this? Why do you look on me?
I see no more in you than in the ordinary
Of nature’s sale-work. Od’s my little life!
I think she means to tangle my eyes too.
No, faith, proud mistress, hope not after it:
‘Tis not your inky brows, your black silk hair,
Your bugle eyeballs, nor your cheek of cream,
That can entame my spirits to your worship.
You foolish shepherd, wherefore do you follow her,
Like foggy south puffing with wind and rain?
You are a thousand times a properer man
Than she a woman: ‘tis such fools as you
That make the world full of ill-favour’d children:
‘Tis not her glass, but you, that flatters her;
And out of you she sees herself more proper
Than any of her lineaments can show her.
But, mistress, know yourself: down on your knees,
And thank heaven, fasting, for a good man’s love:
For I must tell you friendly in your ear,
Sell when you can; you are not for all markets.
Cry the man mercy; love him; take his offer:
Foul is most foul, being foul to be a scoffer.
So take her to thee, shepherd. Fare you well.”

11. “I don’t know what it is with me lately but I just get so UGH!” – Kim from ‘Rather Be A Man’

Joseph Arnone’s one-act play, ‘Rather Be A Man’ chronicles two girls who are totally done with men being men. The e-play (available for download on MonologueBlogger.com) features a dark-clever reading into the mind of modern women.

Monologue Length: 1:05-1:15

KIM: “I don’t know what it is with me lately but I just get so UGH! when guys come up to me, with their cheesy lines, (imitating guy) “Hey, you have such a beautiful smile” or “Can I just tell you that you are so beautiful”.  Ugh!  It disgusts me.  I mean, who the hell does this guy or that guy think he is to give me such compliments?  What gives him the right?  I don’t do anything to give off any kind of interest whatsoever, I completely look the other way when I see eye contact happening and they STILL come over thinking they’re so suave and it’s simply repulsive.  You know what I’m saying??

What does a girl have to do these days?  Maybe if I just vomited on myself the guy would walk the other way but I bet even then, I’d get, “The way you vomit on yourself is just so, so delightful.”

…All I want is to be left alone.  I have a man, I love my man and I do my best to be polite but the irritation and the cheesy lines are getting to be too much.  Guys are blind, they really are, OBLIVIOUS to when a girl is not interested.  There are days when I rather be a man.”

12. ‘Don’t Look At Me’ monologue by Joseph Arnone

This monologue brings to life the high-power attitude of one high-powered fashion designer. If it’s Meryl Streep in ‘Devil Wears Prada’ that acts as your creative muse, take a look at this monologue and add your own personality to this major diva supreme.

Monologue Length: 45 Seconds -1:00

Elmira: “Don’t look at me.  (points) You.  Eh, eh, eh…when I address you, do not look at me.  No eye contact.  Is that understood?  Look away.  (beat)  Okay, look at me now.  (snaps her fingers) I told you not to look at me.  Even if I tell you to look at me, do not look at me. Understood?  Good, good darling.

(she removes her gloves and hands them to her assistant)

Oh!  I have something in my eye, can you help me?  (pointing) Looking, looking, looking!  NO looking under all circumstances.

You must raise up that attention span of yours.  A fish could retain more darling.  That is true.  I have read it.  Less attention span than a fish.

Do not let that be you darling.”

13. “Something I’ve resurrected from that old trunk!” – Amanda Wingfield from ‘The Glass Menagerie’

Own the audition room with some Tennessee Williams as you portray Amanda Wingfield, one of the most well-known roles in ‘The Glass Menagerie.’ Though chock full of drama, there are bits of comedic relief throughout the award-winning play. This monologue is spoken by Amanda, an aging and overbearing mother.

Monologue Length: 2 Minutes

“Possess your soul in patience – you will see!

Something I’ve resurrected from that old trunk! Styles haven’t changed so terribly much after all.

[She parts the portières.]

Now just look at your mother !

[She wears a girlish frock of yellowed voile with a blue silk sash. She carries a bunch of jonquils – the legend of her youth is nearly revived.]

[Feverishly]: This is the dress in which I led the cotillion, won the cakewalk twice at Sunset Hill, wore one spring to the Governor’s ball in Jackson ! See how I sashayed around the ballroom, Laura?

[She raises her skirt and does a mincing step around the room.] I wore it on Sundays for my gentlemen callers ! I had it on the day I met your father. I had malaria fever all that spring. The change of climate from East Tennessee to the Delta – weakened resistance I had a little temperature all the time – not enough to be serious – just enough to make me restless and giddy. Invitations poured in – parties all over the Delta! – ‘Stay in bed,’ said mother, ‘you have fever!’ – but I just wouldn’t. – I took quinine but kept on going, going ! Evenings, dances ! – Afternoons, long, long rides! Picnics. – lovely! – So lovely, that country in May. – All lacy with dogwood, literally flooded with jonquils! – That was the spring I had the craze for jonquils. Jonquils became an absolute obsession. Mother said, ‘Honey, there’s no more room for jonquils.’ And still I kept on bringing in more jonquils. Whenever, wherever I saw them, I’d say, “Stop ! Stop! I see jonquils ! I made the young men help me gather the jonquils ! It was a joke, Amanda and her jonquils ! Finally there were no more vases to hold them, every available space was filled with jonquils. No vases to hold them? All right, I’ll hold them myself – And then I – [She stops in front of the picture.] met your father ! Malaria fever and jonquils and then – this – boy…. [She switches on the rose-coloured lamp.] I hope they get here before it starts to rain.”

14. ‘Ferret Envy’ monologue by Tara Meddaugh

Ferret murderers and unconventional pets run amok in this monologue by playwright Tara Meddaugh. Maybe you’re looking to read something that reflects your unique, one-of-a-kind sense of humor. We think this bizarrely wild scenario might do just the trick.

Monologue Length: 2 Minutes

Jyoti: “I know you think I murdered your ferret, but—hey, stop crying. You’re gonna make me cry too. And you (starts crying)—know—happens—when—we—both—start—oh! I’m doing it too now…Okay. Okay. What would Zena do? Julia, your ferret ran away. He did. I know you don’t want to believe me, but I know this, because…well, I saw him. And I was wearing my glasses, so I had 20/20. Or 20/30. I need a new prescription. But I could still see it was Foozu, and he was wearing the yellow rain slicker, not the winter coat you tie dyed for him, so I think he was headed for Seattle. And, I don’t think we should go after him, Julia. That Payless box wasn’t big enough; you always forgot to feed him, and when you did, it was usually just pebbles and sticks—and I really don’t think ferrets can live on that. Seattle has a lot more to offer Foozu. Food, drinks, warm shelter, intellectual stimulation, perpetual contentment. He deserves that, don’t you think? I, I know coming in and seeing me with the knife over Foozu’s box makes it look rather strange. But. . . Well. . . You miss him, don’t you? (pause) I could be your ferret. Don’t dismiss it right away. I’d be a good pet. I like to curl up in small places and I don’t mind rocks and sticks. You could knit me a winter coat, and you don’t even have to tie dye it if you don’t want to. That’s okay with me. Is that okay with you? I’m gonna just rinse this knife off and throw this little bag away, and then I’ll curl up in my box. I found a new one—a size 11! I’ll wait for you there and you can throw me a ball, okay? Unless, you don’t want me to be your ferret. You don’t need to back away from me. . . Don’t you want me here anymore? If I’m not here, who’s going to sing to you? I know the entire soundtrack to Sleepless In—don’t be scared—I’ll—but I don’t know where I’m supposed to go, Julia. (pause) I could follow Foozu. I could—I could go to Seattle. . . . I’ll follow Foozu. But Julia, when I go, you’ll have to clean off the knife again—I won’t be able to do it. . . . I don’t have a yellow slicker.”

15. “Brothers and sisters, resist the Devil…” – Sarah Brown from ‘Guys and Dolls’

Step up onto your soapbox and dive into the role of Sarah Brown. In a buzzing New York City, Sarah is set on bringing truth to sinners. This lively monologue is one of the most memorable from this Tony Award-winning musical.

Monologue Length: 45 Seconds – 1 Minute

“Brothers and sisters, resist the Devil and he will flee from you. That is what the Bible tells us. And that is why I am standing here, in the Devil’s own city, on the Devil’s own street, prepared to do battle with the forces of evil. Hear me, you gamblers! With your dice, your cards, your horses! Pause and think before it is too late! You are in great danger! I am not speaking of the prison and the gallows, but of the greater punishment that awaits you! Repent before it is too late!

Just around the corner is out little mission where you are always welcome to seek refuge from this jungle of sin. Come here and talk to me. Do not think of me as Sergeant Sarah Brown, but as Sarah Brown, your sister. Join me, Brothers and Sisters, in resisting the Devil, and we can put him to flight forever.”

16. “Oh! It is strange…” – Gwendolen Fairfax from ‘The Importance of Being Earnest’

Oscar Wilde’s classic work is fully titled, ‘The Importance of Being Earnest, A Trivial Comedy for Serious People.’ It’s incomparable wit and wordplay is perfect monologue content as can be seen by these words from leading lady Gwendolen Fairfax:

Monologue Length: 1:05 – 1:15

“Oh! It is strange he never mentioned to me that he had a ward. How secretive of him! He grows more interesting hourly. I am not sure, however, that the news inspires me with feelings of unmixed delight. [Rising and going to her.] I am very fond of you, Cecily; I have liked you ever since I met you! But I am bound to state that now that I know that you are Mr. Worthing’s ward, I cannot help expressing a wish you were—well, just a little older than you seem to be—and not quite so very alluring in appearance. In fact, if I may speak candidly— […] Well, to speak with perfect candour, Cecily, I wish that you were fully forty-two, and more than usually plain for your age. Ernest has a strong upright nature. He is the very soul of truth and honour. Disloyalty would be as impossible to him as deception. But even men of the noblest possible moral character are extremely susceptible to the influence of the physical charms of others. Modern, no less than Ancient History, supplies us with many most painful examples of what I refer to. If it were not so, indeed, History would be quite unreadable.”

17. “My aunt died of influenza, so they said.” – Eliza Doolittle from ‘My Fair Lady

Take on one of the most beloved characters of all time (and on Broadway currently). Quirky and lovable, this Eliza Doolittle monologue is an excellent pick for any woman who knows that the rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain!

Monologue Length: 55 Seconds – 1 Minute

“My aunt died of influenza, so they said. But it’s my belief they done the old woman in. Yes Lord love you! Why should she die of influenza when she come through diphtheria right enough the year before? Fairly blue with it she was. They all thought she was dead. But my father, he kept ladling gin down her throat. Then she come to so sudden that she bit the bowl off the spoon. Now, what would you call a woman with that strength in her have to die of influenza, and what become of her new straw hat that should have come to me? Somebody pinched it, and what I say is, them that pinched it, done her in. Them she lived with would have killed her for a hatpin, let alone a hat. And as for father ladling the gin down her throat, it wouldn’t have killed her. Not her. Gin was as mother’s milk to her. Besides, he’s poured so much down his own throat that he knew the good of it.”

You Might Like: 8 Strong Female Monologues From Shakespeare

Have a great comedic monologue to share with other women? Comment below…

Research credit to stageagent.com , monologueblogger.com 

The post 17 Comedic Monologues For Women appeared first on Theatre Nerds.

When looking to Shakespeare for strong characters to play or idolize, the first few that always come to mind are Hamlet or Richard II, since these are very meaty characters who have countless iconic lines. Many women would prefer to play Hamlet over Ophelia or play Prospero over Cressida. However, that’s not to say the women of Shakespeare are completely at a loss. There are many strong monologues by female characters throughout his work.

Whether it be for an audition or just for fun, here are eight great Shakespearean monologues for women:

1. Lady Macbeth Damned Spot, “Macbeth,” Act 5, Scene 1

When trying to think of a great female monologue from Shakespeare, this is the one that most often comes to mind. Lady M. has become one of the most iconic female characters in Shakespeare’s work. She’s far from innocent, and you can’t help but feel for her in this scene. This is perhaps one of the most, if not the most popular female monologue from Shakespeare.

Yet here’s a spot.

Out, damned spot! out, I say!–One: two: why,
then, ’tis time to do’t.–Hell is murky!–Fie, my
lord, fie! a soldier, and afeard? What need we
fear who knows it, when none can call our power to
account?–Yet who would have thought the old man
to have had so much blood in him.

The thane of Fife had a wife: where is she now?–
What, will these hands ne’er be clean?–No more o’
that, my lord, no more o’ that: you mar all with
this starting.

Here’s the smell of the blood still: all the
perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little
hand. Oh, oh, oh!

Wash your hands, put on your nightgown; look not so
pale.–I tell you yet again, Banquo’s buried; he
cannot come out on’s grave.
To bed, to bed! there’s knocking at the gate:
come, come, come, come, give me your hand. What’s
done cannot be undone.–To bed, to bed, to bed!

2. Ophelia’s Breakdown, “Hamlet,” Act 4, Scene 5

Getting the more well-known scenes out of the way, this is one of the greatest examples of a female having a breakdown in Shakespeare’s work. What is admirable about this scene is that it is not a very “woe is me” moment. This scene was not triggered by a failed romantic endeavor. Yes, Hamlet has been toying with Ophelia throughout the play up until this point and did tell her “get thee to a nunnery,” but she finally cracks when she loses her closest ally: her father. Though not a technical monologue, all of Ophelia’s lines combined in this scene make for a very dramatic read.

Where is the beauteous majesty of Denmark?

[Sings]
How should I your true love know
From another one?
By his cockle hat and staff,
And his sandal shoon.

Say you? nay, pray you, mark.
[Sings]
He is dead and gone, lady,
He is dead and gone;
At his head a grass-green turf,
At his heels a stone.

Pray you, mark.
[Sings]
White his shroud as the mountain snow,–

[Sings]
Larded with sweet flowers
Which bewept to the grave did go
With true-love showers.

Well, God ‘ild you! They say the owl was a baker’s
daughter. Lord, we know what we are, but know not
what we may be. God be at your table!

Pray you, let’s have no words of this; but when they
ask you what it means, say you this:
[Sings]
To-morrow is Saint Valentine’s day,
All in the morning betime,
And I a maid at your window,
To be your Valentine.
Then up he rose, and donn’d his clothes,
And dupp’d the chamber-door;
Let in the maid, that out a maid
Never departed more.

Indeed, la, without an oath, I’ll make an end on’t:
[Sings]
By Gis and by Saint Charity,
Alack, and fie for shame!
Young men will do’t, if they come to’t;
By cock, they are to blame.
Quoth she, before you tumbled me,
You promised me to wed.
So would I ha’ done, by yonder sun,
An thou hadst not come to my bed.

I hope all will be well. We must be patient: but I
cannot choose but weep, to think they should lay him
i’ the cold ground. My brother shall know of it:
and so I thank you for your good counsel. Come, my
coach! Good night, ladies; good night, sweet ladies;
good night, good night.

3. Beatrice Is Tricked, “Much Ado About Nothing,” Act 3, Scene 1

Though a shorter monologue, Beatrice couldn’t be left off this list. She is one of the feistiest and and admirable female characters that Shakespeare has produced. She has many crazy one-liners, including “It is so, indeed; he is no less than a stuffed man: but for the stuffing—well, we are all mortal.” This monologue occurs after she is tricked into believing Benedict loves her.

What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true?
Stand I condemn’d for pride and scorn so much?
Contempt, farewell! and maiden pride, adieu!
No glory lives behind the back of such.
And, Benedick, love on; I will requite thee,
Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand:
If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee
To bind our loves up in a holy band;
For others say thou dost deserve, and I
Believe it better than reportingly.

4. Katherine, “Taming of the Shrew,” Act 5, Scene 2

Though not the most empowering of strong female monologues from Shakespeare, this one is pretty infamous and well-written. Yes, this monologue requires a great deal of analysis to understand how this character got to this point when she started out more outspoken than Beatrice, but it’s still worth a read. Feel free to interpret this ending as you like.

Fie, fie! unknit that threatening unkind brow,
And dart not scornful glances from those eyes
To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor.
It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads,
Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds,
And in no sense is meet or amiable.
A woman mov’d is like a fountain troubled-
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty;
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.
Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee,
And for thy maintenance commits his body
To painful labour both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe;
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks, and true obedience-
Too little payment for so great a debt.
Such duty as the subject owes the prince,
Even such a woman oweth to her husband;
And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,
And not obedient to his honest will,
What is she but a foul contending rebel
And graceless traitor to her loving lord?
I am asham’d that women are so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace;
Or seek for rule, supremacy, and sway,
When they are bound to serve, love, and obey.
Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,
Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,
But that our soft conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?
Come, come, you forward and unable worms!
My mind hath been as big as one of yours,
My heart as great, my reason haply more,
To bandy word for word and frown for frown;
But now I see our lances are but straws,
Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,
That seeming to be most which we indeed least are.
Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot,
And place your hands below your husband’s foot;
In token of which duty, if he please,
My hand is ready, may it do him ease.

5. Helena’s Declaration, “All’s Well that Ends Well,” Act 1, Scene 3

This monologue is not only passionate, but it’s a great example of role reversal. It’s not often that a female character gets a lengthy monologue to declare her love for a man in the bard’s work. For example, even a character as strong as Beatrice in “Much Ado About Nothing” is often upstaged by Benedict.

Helena’s monologue here also comes very early on in the play and establishes her character. She is very aware of her status, but she knows what she wants and will do anything to achieve it. Weird body swap to consummate her marriage aside, in full Shakespearean fashion, this monologue sets the stage for a very interesting character.

Then, I confess,
Here on my knee, before high heaven and you
That before you, and next unto high heaven,
I love your son.
My friends were poor, but honest; so’s my love:
Be not offended, for it hurts not him
That he is lov’d of me: I follow him not
By any token of presumptuous suit;
Nor would I have him till I do deserve him;
Yet never know how that desert should be.
I know I love in vain, strive against hope;
Yet, in this captious and intenible sieve
I still pour in the waters of my love,
And lack not to lose still. Thus, Indian-like,
Religious in mine error, I adore
The sun, that looks upon his worshipper,
But knows of him no more. My dearest madam,
Let not your hate encounter with my love
For loving where you do: but, if yourself,
Whose aged honour cites a virtuous youth,
Did ever in so true a flame of liking
Wish chastely and love dearly, that your Dian
Was both herself and Love; O! then, give pity
To her, whose state is such that cannot choose
But lend and give where she is sure to lose;
That seeks not to find that her search implies,
But, riddle-like, lives sweetly where she dies.

6. A Rose by Any Other Name, “Romeo and Juliet,” Act 2, Scene 2

Yes, it is corny and extremely well-known, but this list would not be complete without Juliet. While Juliet’s monologue after her cousin’s death was a close second, this list just needed a brief monologue about love and the optimism that occurs after meeting a cute boy at a party.

O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I’ll no longer be a Capulet.

‘Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What’s Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What’s in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call’d,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.

7. Spare Your Threats, “The Winter’s Tale,” Act 3, Scene 2

This play is often severely overlooked, as is the character of Hermione. The main issue with this play is that it’s hard to classify. Some say it’s a comedy, while others think it’s a romance. Though Hermione is not a main character throughout the whole play, the conflict between her and her husband drives the plot.

In this particular scene, she is defending herself after her husband has accused her of having an affair. She never once appears weak and holds her head high throughout the scene.

Sir, spare your threats:
The bug which you would fright me with I seek.
To me can life be no commodity:
The crown and comfort of my life, your favour,
I do give lost; for I do feel it gone,
But know not how it went. My second joy
And first-fruits of my body, from his presence
I am barr’d, like one infectious. My third comfort
Starr’d most unluckily, is from my breast,
The innocent milk in its most innocent mouth,
Haled out to murder: myself on every post
Proclaimed a strumpet: with immodest hatred
The child-bed privilege denied, which ‘longs
To women of all fashion; lastly, hurried
Here to this place, i’ the open air, before
I have got strength of limit. Now, my liege,
Tell me what blessings I have here alive,
That I should fear to die? Therefore proceed.
But yet hear this: mistake me not; no life,
I prize it not a straw, but for mine honour,
Which I would free, if I shall be condemn’d
Upon surmises, all proofs sleeping else
But what your jealousies awake, I tell you
‘Tis rigor and not law. Your honours all,
I do refer me to the oracle:
Apollo be my judge!

8. The Epilogue, “As You Like It,” Act 5, Scene 4

Like Lady Macbeth’s monologue, this one by Rosalind is also fairly well known. Rosalind is a big favorite as far as Shakespearean female leads go. She is strong, well-spoken and has a good deal of respect from those around her throughout the play. For those reasons, it’s not a surprise that she closes the play, though as she points out, “It’s not the fashion to see the lady the epilogue.”

It is not the fashion to see the lady the epilogue;
but it is no more unhandsome than to see the lord
the prologue. If it be true that good wine needs
no bush, ’tis true that a good play needs no
epilogue; yet to good wine they do use good bushes,
and good plays prove the better by the help of good
epilogues. What a case am I in then, that am
neither a good epilogue, nor cannot insinuate with
you in the behalf of a good play! I am not
furnished like a beggar, therefore to beg will not
become me: my way is, to conjure you; and I’ll begin
with the women. I charge you, O women! for the love
you bear to women–as I perceive by your simpering,
none of you hates them–that between you and the
women the play may please. If I were a woman I
would kiss as many of you as had beards that pleased
me, complexions that liked me and breaths that I
defied not: and, I am sure, as many as have good
beards or good faces or sweet breaths will, for my
kind offer, when I make curtsy, bid me farewell.

You Might Like: 17 Comedic Monologues For Women

What is your favorite female monologue from a Shakespeare play? Let us know in the comments below…

The post 8 Strong Female Monologues From Shakespeare appeared first on Theatre Nerds.

A monologue from Your Swash is Unbuckled by Jeff Goode  

(Comedic – Teens, 20s)

This piece is from the shorter play, “Lewd Loves of a Lusty Laundress” within Your Swash is Unbuckled. Molly, a young laundress with two “manly” stepsisters and a “manly” stepmother, is repeatedly berated and teased by her step-family. She dreams of being whisked away by a handsome, strong, and/or wealthy man riding any kind of horse and going to any location other than where she currently is. In this scene, her step-sisters and step-mother have dropped more laundry on her and are forbidding her from going to the fair. The women leave, and as Molly goes through the laundry, she finds various shirts belonging to high-ranking individuals and fantasizes about who they belong to.

Get the monologue here.

A monologue from What the Well Dressed Girl is Wearing by Arthur M. Jolly

(Comedic – Teens)

Teenaged Sandra has been helping her best friend choose an outfit for her date…with Jimmy, the guy Sandra yearns for. After Sandra’s friend asks her if she is mad about Jimmy, Sandra becomes upset, mildly at first. Sandra then begins to recount how she felt on several different occasions when her feelings for Jimmy weren’t returned…especially when she saw her friend and Jimmy dancing together at the spring formal…

Get the monologue here.

A monologue from Stay by David-Matthew Barnes

(Comedic – High School, 20s)

Rindy, a young aspiring hairstylist who lives in a small Southern town, confides in her best friend Alison that she spent the night with her boyfriend, unbeknownst to her unstable mother. Rindy is terrified that her mother will find out about last night’s romantic rendezvous, and she can’t wait until he gets off work at 4 o’clock. Rindy is extroverted, unfiltered, and Southern. (*This monologue contains adult language and talk of sex.)

Get the monologue here.

The Reason I’m Single by Tara Meddaugh

(Comedic – High School, 20s)

Kelly has been pressuring Rebecca to fess up: why doesn’t Rebecca have a boyfriend? Rebecca explains that, even though boys are always attracted to her and asking her out, she won’t accept any of their offers. The reason she doesn’t have a boyfriend is because she loves Kelly. (*This monologue is a standalone piece and contains talk of sex.)

Get the monologue here.

Swap by Barbara Lhota

(Comedic – 20s)

Kate and Nina’s apartment. Nina and Kate are roommates and good friends. Recently, Kate has begun dating Nina’s former boyfriend, Josh. Nina explains to Kate why she broke up with Josh in the first place…and now why she wants him back. (*This monologue is a standalone piece.)

Get the monologue here.

A monologue from The Princess of Caspia by Ricardo Soltero

(Dramatic – 20s, 30s – 40s, 50s – Older)

Simon and Taylor are married, and Simon is having an affair with Rhonda. Taylor, trying to get the attention of her husband, has just broken Simon’s prized Dudamel baton in half. He tells her to pick up the baton off the floor where she left it. She refuses, and he keeps demanding that she act according to his orders. When she says, “Or else what?” he doesn’t respond. Here, Taylor responds and tells Simon that she is the only one who will fight for him like this. She loves him, but not the person who he is right now.

Get the monologue here.

A monologue from [Catherine (The Great] Dictionary Girl) by Alex Kump

(Dramatic – High School, 20s)

Catherine talks about being in love with Patrick Yorland, the boy who rides her bus. She defends her love, which she knows probably comes off as childish, by describing what it’s like to love someone and want to take care of them. She is almost giddy in her affections, and her feelings consume her.

Get the monologue here.

A monologue from Pendragon County Ghosts by Don Nigro

(Dramatic – Teens, 20s)

Jimmy is in love with Jessie, and has been trying to win her hand throughout his adolescence and early adulthood. In this monologue, she is trying to convince Jimmy that he should leave her; it is selfish for her to keep him so near when she knows in her heart of hearts that they will never be anything more than friends. She is attempting to push him away to protect his own feelings, yet does not want him to leave her side for her self-centered reasons.

Get the monologue here.

A monologue from House of Angels by Jennie S. Redling

(Dramatic – Teens, 20s)

New York, 1914. Autumn appears to suffer from what has yet to be classified as an illness – manic depression. She is on the verge of a manic episode right before a tea party planned for her sister Helen’s fiancé, whom she secretly loves. Autumn inherited her illness from her father who killed himself, and with whom she felt a natural kinship she cannot share with her mother, Amelia, and her sister. When Autumn comes upon them discussing Amelia’s social ambitions, Helen lies and says they were just saying how sad that their father wouldn’t be present at Helen’s wedding. Autumn begins on a dreamy tirade and speaks of how their father would have presented Helen like Aphrodite to her new husband. Her speech is somewhat malicious.

Get the monologue here.

A Monologue from John Singer Sargent and Madame X by Rosary O’Neill

(Dramatic – 20s)

Paris, 1882. Amelie, a beautiful model living in Paris, seduces John Singer Sargent to get married in New Orleans. She describes in vivid detail the journey she dreams of having with him, including the trip by boat to America, their arrival (to thunderous applause) in New Orleans, and their evenings spent whispering low to each other in the summer months.

Get the monologue here. 

Post by Ashleigh Gardner from PerformerStuff.com

The post 10 Female Monologues From Love-Sick Characters appeared first on Theatre Nerds.

Is it your dream to get into a great drama school? We’re entering college audition season and I’m excited to share these tips to help you rock your auditions. Keep in mind, selecting your material is often the biggest hurdle for many of my students so give yourself lots of time. If you haven’t chosen your pieces, get started reading lots of plays and asking for suggestions from teachers or coaches you trust. Give yourself the time to really do the work you are capable of. You deserve it after all that hard work you’ve done in high school!

1. Ask yourself these material selection questions:

• How are you most likely to be cast?
• What are your acting strengths?
• What playwrights do you love?
• What kind of stories are you most moved to tell?
• Most importantly, does this monologue excite me in an “I can’t wait to work on it” kind of way? (If not, don’t bother!)

2. Make sure:

• Your monologues are from published plays.
• Do a web search and make sure they aren’t crazy overdone.  (Although if you’re amazing and in love with your pieces you can do anything…well, almost.)
• The pieces are active, meaning the character is really trying to get/do something.
• You have double checked the monologue requirements for the specific school.

3. Do your homework and rehearse the heck out of your pieces:

• What is the monologue about?
• Who am I according to the writer?
• What is my relationship to all people, places, objects, events and time?
• What does my character want?
• What are my obstacles?  And what are my intentions to break through those obstacles?
• What are the stakes?
• Now get on your feet and work it and work it and work it…and get a coach or trusted friend to help you.

Want to dive in even deeper?  Discover how to rehearse in a technical way, get mastery over your nerves and finally let it all go to totally rock it with Sarah’s free video series: The Top Three Audition Game Changers.

Though her work in acting classes, one-on-one and on-set, Sarah of Teen Actor’s Lab has skillfully guided thousands of tentative, timid newcomers to become confident, technical, risk-taking artists.

The post 3 Steps To Rocking Your College Audition Monologues appeared first on Theatre Nerds.