Context & Lyrics
Major Bouvier tells his granddaughter Edie the best way to preserve their family’s legacy.
View Lyrics
Forgive me, ladies, but we live in perilous times.
If you want to anchor your self in a uncertain world you have only one recourse:
(sung)
With your eye on the ball and your feet on the fairway-
Hit it high little girls, marry well!
MAN
Four!
MAJOR BOUVIER
Every point under par is a leg up the stairway
To the sky little girls, marry well.
Find a staunch young patrician,
Republican!
With the blood and the brains to excel!
Like the fine strapping lad your late grandmama had
Meaning I, little girls, marry well.
Ridiculous woman my daughter Edith
Flying at the face of every good solid value I ever tried to instill in her
God knows I’ve tried to teach her tried to teach all of my brood-
EDIE &MAJOR BOUVIER(spoken)
The hallmark of aristocracy is responsibility
MAJOR BOUVIER
Edie, oh ho ho, the last hope of the great Bouvier clan.
EDIE
Oh, honestly!
BROOK
But Major Bouvier, the time!
MAJOR BOUVIER
Oh alright, alright, I’m coming.
Company, fall in! Ten hut!
EDIE
Chair the ball for the blind
LEE
Treat your church to a steeple
ALL
When in doubt, little girls, marry well!
LEE
Bail the met out of debt
JACKIE
Leave your art to the people.
ALL
And the crowd will fall under your spell!
MAJOR BOUVIER
But an unmarried lassie who’s fast and loose,
is a moose in a herd of gazelle!
ALL
POW
MAJOR BOUVIER
Don’t be picked off the pack
With your head on a plaque!
Do me proud, little girls
ALL
Marry well
MAJOR BOUVIER
It’s your future that counts
They say greatness always skips a generation
So now its up to you to burnish the family crest
And remember girls- this crest of our french royal providence
It took a while for it
We paid a pile for it
So go end up spinsters and diletants!
The name Bouvier will surpass all others
All of your uncles, aunts-
EDITH
Oh Ah Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
MAJOR BOUVIER
And mothers
LEE
Picture Lee in Milan with a prince and a villa.
MAJOR BOUVIER
Sally forth, little girl! Very nice.
JACKIE
Jackie B. in Paris, simply bathes in chinchilla
EDIE
As for me, Joe will more than suffice!
MAJOR BOUVIER
Good girl!
With a grandfather’s blessing, I wish you love!
Someone there when your hair goes to gray, and I’ll strut in my spats down the isle of Saint Pat’s!
BROOKS
Marry high!
EDIE
Marry proud!
JACKIE & LEE
Nouveau riche ain’t allowed!
BROOKS
Upper class!
LEE
Upper Crust!
JACKIE
Standard Oil and Morgan Trust!
EDIE
Marry young!
BROOKS
Marry chaste!
MAJOR BOUVIER
Or if not, then in haste-
ALL
Marry well, and you’re well on your way!
