Flaming Agnes

I do I do, flaming agnes

Song Title : Flaming Agnes

Show Name : I Do! I Do!

Character Name : Agnes

Gender : Female

Age : Adult

Vocal Part : Alto

Range : D3-Db5

Style : Midtempo (Jazzy)

Mood : Sassy, Comedic, Confident

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Context & Lyrics


After Michael criticizes Agnes’ expensive shopping habits, the wife contemplates being a saucy divorcee.

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That pompous, pompous, pompous, pompous ass!! Now’s the time for that hat. The one I’ve been saving for all these years.

An eighty-five dollar hat!
What do you think of that!
Thirteen feathers of the pigeon family!
And a bird of paradise plume!

I hid this hat for four whole years.
In this great big box at the foot of the bed –
Right here in this very same room!
But now, my spouse, it’s out of the box,
And I’m gonna tell you what;
If I am going to go to pot –
This pot is gonna be HOT!

Say – who’s that racy, middle-aged lady,
Peeking underneath her veil?
Why, don’t you know?
That’s Flaming Agnes. (Her husband up and left her)

Who’s that pale, available matron?
Underneath the peacock’s tail?
Why, can’t you guess?
That’s Flaming Agnes. (Emancipated lady!)

Used to find her sittin’ in the kitchen.
Mousy housewife was her name.
But the day her husband up and left her –
Agnes started to flame!

Now they say that nothing can save her –
And they blame her husband for the blazing shame of Flaming Agnes! (vulgar dance) Fresh!

Used to find her tendin’ to the kiddies;
Up to here in Cream of Wheat!
But the day her husband up and left her,
That’s the day that Agnes turned the heat one!
Now she flames from night till early mornin’!
While he slaves to raise the alimony
He must pay, to Flaming Agnes!

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