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Context & Lyrics


View Lyrics
Love is beautiful, love is swell Love is as sweet as a nut Love is grander than tongue can tell Love is remarkable but
Look at what it did to Romeo It dealt poor Romey an awful blow If love could do that to Romeo What chance have I with love?

Look at what it did to Anthony It made a "mark" out of Anthony If love could do that to Anthony What chance have I with love?

Look at what it did to Samson 'Til he lost his hair he was brave If a haircut could weaken Samson They could murder me with a shave

Louie Number Fifteen, King of France They say he suffered with each romance If love kicked him in the royal pants What chance have I An ordinary guy What chance have I with love?

Look at what it did to Adam From that bite he could not escape If an apple could finish Adam They could knock me off with a grape

Miss Lucrezia Borgia, deep in sin She poisoned her lovers when they dropped in If they wound up with a Mickey Finn What chance have I An ordinary guy What chance have I with love?

Look what love did for Reno It put Reno on the map When a woman goes to Reno It's because some man is a sap

Tommy Manville's love is not returned He sells asbestos and he has learned That with asbestos he still gets burned What chance have I An ordinary guy What chance have I with love?

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfljnbflUzk

♬ Browse All Songs

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Context & Lyrics


A waiter, who notices that Aaron and Casey are not having a good time, performs a rousing crowdpleaser to lighten the mood.
View Lyrics
WAITER I've made my career as a waiter And my job, well, it never gets old I've seen romances bloom Wild affairs meet their doom Every night, some new sight to behold

Yet I find, as I wait on my tables And serve them their baskets of bread I can't help but think As they pick out a drink Of what I would order instead...

I'd order love Delicious, well-seasoned and rare I'd order love A big enough portion to share Bring me all of the heartache A small side of woe That flavor of longing That I long to know I don't need a menu Just someone to care for my heart Yes, I'd order love There's no better dish to start

I'd order love That's spicy and steaming and hot Oh, I'd order love So juicy - it hits the spot I crave nights full of passion All drizzled with lust Breakfast in bed Is an absolute must Then bring on the marriage But don't top it off with divorce Yes, I'd order love It's the very best second course

I'm tired of always observing Loving couples, all dreamy and sweet For years, I've been patiently waiting When's it gonna be my time to eat? This lack of attention's unnerving I fear that I'm losing my grip

If cupid keeps up this substandard service I'm screwing him out of his tip! He don't get no tip! Big finish!

I'd order love Appetizer, main course and dessert - ball change! Yes, I'd order love Even if it was peppered with hurt 'Cause at least I could savor The way that it feels To not eat alone For each one of my meals

There's a lot on the menu - I'd have something else if I could But I'd order love 'Cause there's nothing else earth That tastes so good! Mmm, it tastes so good Oh so very good So good, so good

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WneJ3UZZ3c

♬ Browse All Songs

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Context & Lyrics


Mendel makes a clumsy and offbeat marriage proposal to Trina.
View Lyrics
JASON (spoken)
This is how you make a marriage proposal.

MENDEL I love you dear. I think you're swell. You're never near me close enough to tell If I'm delightful or not.

I need your wrist. I praise your thigh. There's not a guy, There's not a piece of paper, There's not a man in pants Who could love you the same as I!

Oftentimes, lovers are crazy people. Sometimes they kill each other. Just like a biblical brother Did to his biblical brother Back in biblical times.

TRINA Biblical times?

MARVIN Biblical times?

MENDEL Uh, biblical times.

Oh, those' biblical times! I love your eyes. I love your face. I want you by my side to take my place If I get sick or detained.

Don't brush your hair, you?re perfect. Don't start to cry. There's not a guy, There's not a horse or zebra, There's not a giant man Who could love you the same as I!

Forget that giant man, He won't love you the same as I! I'm not a giant man, But I'll love you until, Love you until, I die!

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vDi8fI0hzc

♬ Browse All Songs

[post_title] => Marriage Proposal [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => marriage-proposal [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2018-09-02 22:00:28 [post_modified_gmt] => 2018-09-03 02:00:28 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=8053 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw ) [3] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 8032 [post_author] => 733 [post_date] => 2017-03-22 10:31:31 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-03-22 14:31:31 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Vocal Book

Context & Lyrics


H.C. Curry and his sons anticipate the return of his daughter Lizzie.
View Lyrics
HC All right! All right! I’m comin’! I’m comin’! Dang telephone’s getting’ To be a nuisance. Rings sometimes twice a day.

Hello! Yeah, this is HC. Un-huh. What do you mean today? She’s here today? Oh, my god! Well, thanks, Mildred. Thanks for callin’. Boys, I got some good news! Your sister’s comin’ Home early.

NOAH & JIM Yippeeee!

HC Boys, i got some bad news. Your sister’s comin’ Home early.

JIM Huh’

HC She’ll be here directly in five minutes!

NOAH Oh my god!

JIM Now what’s so bad about that? All we gotta do is-

NOAH & JIM Clean up!

HC When lizzie is here The house is full of laughter. When lizzie is here It has a woman’t touch.

When lizzie is here We get together after Our supper is over, Sit in the parlor, Singing together, When lizzie is here. When lizzie is here, I start to recall her maw.

NOAH & JIM And lizzie is comin’ Home!

HC Lizzie is on the way!

HC, NOAH & JIM Lizzie’s arrivin’ Today! Got to get busy!

HC Fix up for lizzie! Lizzie’s comin’’

HC, NOAH & JIM Home!

NOAH When lizzie is here I don’t get indigestion. When lizzie is here My appetite is fine.

When lizzie is here There’s never any question There’s beefsteak with gravy. Hot buttered biscuits, Fresh apple crumble. When lizzie is here. When lizzie is here, I eat’ll i nearly pop!

HC And lizzie is comin’ Home!

JIM Lizzie is on the way!

HC, NOAH & JIM Lizzie’s arrivin’ Today!

NOAH & JIM Got to get busy,

HC Fix up for lizzie,

HC, NOAH & JIM Lizzie’s comin’ Home!

NOAH C’mon, jimmy, get a move on!

JIM I’m tryin’ Noah!

NOAH Well try harder!

JIM When lizzie is here I never feel so gawky. When lizzie is here I start to gettin’ Talky.

She listens for hours, Askin’ Me questions. I know the answers When lizzie is here. When lizzie is here, I kinda forget’ I’m dumb.

HC & NOAH And lizzie is comin’ Home!

JIM Lizzie is on the way!

HC, NOAH & JIM Lizzie’s arrivin’ Today! (hallelujah!) Got to get busy, Fix up for lizzie. Got to get hoppin’! No time for stoppin’! Lizzie’s comin’ ‘ Home!

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFHM-a_zipk

♬ Browse All Songs

[post_title] => Lizzie's Comin' Home [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => lizzies-comin-home [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-03-22 10:31:31 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-03-22 14:31:31 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=8032 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw ) [4] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7983 [post_author] => 733 [post_date] => 2017-03-21 21:12:53 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-03-22 01:12:53 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music♬ BUY Vocal Book

Context & Lyrics


Georges, who owns La Cage aux Folles, teaches the drag queen Albin to become less flamboyant.
View Lyrics
GEORGES I want you to pick up that piece of toast like a man!
Think of this as Masculine toast and Masculine butter, Ready for spreading by a Masculine hand. Pick up that knife and make believe it's a machete. It'll take all your strength and steady nerves For hacking your way through the cherry preserves.
Think of John Wayne, and Jean Paul Belmondo. Think of the Legionnaires and Charlemagne's men. So like a stevedore you grab your cup And if God forbid that your pinky pops up, You can climb back up the mountain once again.
Have you got that?
ALBIN I think so!
GEORGES Don't think so! You're a man!
ALBIN I'm a man!
RENAUD You're a man!
ALBIN I'm a man!
MME. RENAUD You're a man!
ALBIN I said I'm a man.
MME. RENAUD Oh, Albin
GEORGES About that voice of yours. Grunt like an ape, and growl like a tiger. Give us a roaring, snorting masculine laugh!
ALBIN Ah ah ah ah ah ah!
GEORGES Try to remember that John Wayne was not soprano. Try making it rough and gruff and low.
ALBIN Ha Ha!
GEORGES Try more of John Wayne and less Brigitte Bardodt!
RENAUD Think of De Gaulle and pick up Rasputin.
MME. RENAUD Think like you're Daniel marching into the den.
GEORGES While trying to join the burly brutes, If you forget that your nylons are under your boots
GEORGES, RENAUD, MME. RENAUD, & FRANCIS You can climb back up the mountain once again...
ALL Think Ghengis Kan (Think!) and think Taras Bulba (Think!) (Think! Think! Think!) Think of Atilla's Huns and Robin Hood's men. (Hup! Hup!)
Try not to weaken or collapse; If they discover the petticoat under your chaps You can climb back up the mountain once again. Woah! Yeah!

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SF2Pj8Q_Iig

♬ Browse All Songs

[post_title] => Masculinity [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => masculinity [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-03-21 21:12:53 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-03-22 01:12:53 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=7983 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw ) [5] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7974 [post_author] => 733 [post_date] => 2017-03-21 17:46:08 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-03-21 21:46:08 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music

Context & Lyrics


Guido Contini, a film director suffering from a midlife crisis, struggles to distinguish his ambitious interior world from reality.
View Lyrics
I would like to be here,
I would like to be there. I would like to everywhere at once. I know that's a contradiction in terms, And it's a problem,
Especially when My body's clearing forty
As my mind is nearing ten.
I can hardly stay up,
And I can't get to Sleep, And I don't want to wake tomorrow morning At the bottom of some heap,
But why take it so seriously? After all, there's nothing at Stake here-only me. I want to be young,
And I want to be old.
I would like to be wise before my time And yet be foolish and brash and bold. I would like the universe to get down On it's knees And say, "Guido, whatever you please, It's okay. Even if it's impossible, we'll Arrange it." That's all that I want.
I am lusting for more.
Should I settle for less? I ask you, what's a good thing for, if Not for taking it to excess? One limitation I dearly regret, There's only one of me I've ever met.
I would like to have another me to Travel along with myself. I would even like to be able to sing a Duet with myself.
I would like to be here
(Sing along with myself in a song) To be there
(Walking down a lane now, everywhere) Everywhere
(Everywhere. That's a contradiction in terms. I want to) Here (With a counter-) Here (Melody in the) Here (Top of the morning to you, Guido) Guido (Guido) Guido (Guido) Guido (Me) Me (Me).
I want to be Proust or the Marquis De Sade, I would like to be Christ, Mohammed, Buddha But not have to believe in God, And you know I mean it with all of my heart.
It's the end if something important doesn't start. I want to be young,
But I have to be old. What I want is a tale of sound and fury That some idiot went and told.
I would like the universe to get down On it's knees And say, "Guido, whatever you please, it's okay. Even if it's ridiculous, we'll arrange it." So arrange it!
ALL Arrange it!
GUIDO That's all that I want!

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRFfRS06eIk

♬ Browse All Songs

[post_title] => Guido's Song [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => guidos-song [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-03-21 17:47:58 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-03-21 21:47:58 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=7974 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw ) [6] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7965 [post_author] => 733 [post_date] => 2017-03-21 16:47:52 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-03-21 20:47:52 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music♬ BUY Vocal Book

Context & Lyrics


Oscar, a selfish impresario, tries to convince his colleagues that he will regain success even after four flops.
View Lyrics
OSCAR (spoken) Traitors! Look at the two of you: Judas Iscariot and his sister Sue. You think I’m finished? They all think I’m finished. Just because I've had a failure... All right, four failures. But what glorious ones! Let them kick me when I'm down... but every time they think I’m through…

(sung) I rise again Full size again, And give those doubting Thomases a walloping surprise again! I sneer at them, I jeer at them, I thumb my nose and bite my thumb and bare my royal rear at them!

With my back up against the wall, With the wolves yapping at my heels, With the noose tightening ‘round my neck, That's the time I know how really living feels.

With the wall up against my back, With the water rising to my chin, Chained and bound tight inside a sack, That's the plight that I'm delighted in!

For I have powers like Aladdin's Genie did. I do escape tricks better than Houdini did. From the black of my cul-de-sac, Do I crack and fall? No – I attack! With my back up against the wall…

OLIVER & OWEN Listen boss, you've got to use your brain. Everyone you owe will meet the train

OSCAR I Shine again, All is mine again, A fighter rising from the canvas at the count of nine - -

OLIVER & OWEN Nine? The count is ten! You're out! The drums of doom are knocking. Your theatre and your offices The bankers will be locking.

OSCAR I spit at them, Spray flit at them. I'll face those grim Goliaths with my sling shot And I’ll hit at them.

With my back up against the wall, Angry birds pecking with their beaks Or submerged, sealed inside a tomb – That challenge brings the roses to my cheeks.

So rally 'round me now, my musketeering men. We’ll turn that raging lynch mob into cheering men! From the false reports of my demise, Like the phoenix right before their eyes With my back up against the wall…

OLIVER & OWEN With his back up against the wall…

OSCAR I rise again!

OLIVER & OWEN Ah-ah-ah

ALL THREE I (He'll) rise again!

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyFnaDAeXp8

♬ Browse All Songs

[post_title] => I Rise Again [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => i-rise-again [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-03-21 16:47:52 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-03-21 20:47:52 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=7965 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw ) [7] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7821 [post_author] => 733 [post_date] => 2017-03-17 14:55:59 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-03-17 18:55:59 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music♬ BUY Vocal Book

Context & Lyrics


Mitch, the Comfort Counselor, commends the last audience member for making it this far in the Bee.
View Lyrics
MR. PANCH (spoken) I’m sorry. You missed the silent q.
MITCH My friend you will be missed But now go with dignity This ends but first on our list You can go with pride
You’ve been the best looking dude we’ve had all day You’re a real smart dude as well Now go home and spell Give you squeeze some affection Come on make a connection Spell with patience and care That dude is my prayer
BOY SPELLERS Goodbye
GIRL SPELLERS Goodbye
BOY SPELLERS Goodbye
GIRL SPELLERS Goodbye
BOY SPELLERS Goodbye, Goodbye
GIRL SPELLERS Goodbye
BOY SPELLERS Goodbye
GIRL SPELLERS Goodbye
SPELLERS Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye,
Goodbye, Goodbye
MITCH Whoa! All you need Is strength to pretend it’s no big deal
Try to look like you don’t care Try not to cry lord In front of your brother Don’t embarrass your mother
ALL Not your mother
MITCH Make your exit with care That is my prayer Goodbye, Goodbye
ALL Goodbye, Goodbye Bye, bye, bye Whomever Goodbye, Goodbye Goodbye, Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye
MITCH Goodbye (spoken) Whomever!
ALL Goodbye!

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9oPIKKri8U

♬ Browse All Songs

[post_title] => Prayer of the Comfort Counselor [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => prayer-comfort-counselor [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-03-17 14:55:59 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-03-17 18:55:59 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=7821 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw ) [8] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7810 [post_author] => 733 [post_date] => 2017-03-17 12:57:24 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-03-17 16:57:24 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music♬ BUY Vocal Book

Context & Lyrics


Tateh, a Latvian Jewish artist, has now become a director of motion pictures.
View Lyrics
TATEH: Anyone can get lucky in america. I remind myself of this everyday.

The first nickel I ever earned, I keep in a little silver frame. It's how I gave my company a name, Reminding me how very far I came!

I was a Maker of the silhouettes Who made a small improvement- A little book of silhouettes That simulated movement. Well, people seemed to like it, Soon the money's going clink! And I'm buffalo nickel photoplay, inc!

I go from Silhouettes to photos. I invent a small projector, And soon, I'm making movies And they're calling me director!

An industry is dawning And I'm standing on the brink- Mister buffalo nickel photoplay, inc!

Life shines from the shadow screen Comical, yet infinitely true. People love to see what people do, Here where everyone is someone new.

Such tales from the shadow screen! Little men who never get the breaks, Fighting on till something fin'lly takes- What a lovely movie it all makes!

Well, business is booming I'm happy to say. I just made a contract To film for pathe A series of chapters That end in suspense- Each week, see what's next For another five cents!

And I am Waking every morning Filled with such anticipation! I frame the sea, I frame the sky. And this is my vacation.

I shake your hand, I kiss your hand, I buy you all a drink! And maybe if you chance to see A movie that was made by me Remember when the name goes by That's ash-k-e-n-a-z-y

The baron, now american, Who happened once to think Of silhouette and flicker book And movies as they're meant to look And buffalo nickel photoplay, inc! Action!

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuJ1amzs4aU

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[post_title] => Buffalo Nickel Photoplay Inc. [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => buffalo-nickel-photoplay-inc [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-03-17 12:57:24 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-03-17 16:57:24 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=7810 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw ) [9] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7801 [post_author] => 733 [post_date] => 2017-03-17 11:56:29 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-03-17 15:56:29 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Vocal Book

Context & Lyrics


View LyricsNo lyrics at this time, if you would like to submit please email trevor@theatrenerds.com

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElfWHoE-_6M

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[post_title] => Quasimodo [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => quasimodo [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-03-17 11:56:29 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-03-17 15:56:29 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=7801 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 1 [filter] => raw ) [10] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7797 [post_author] => 733 [post_date] => 2017-03-17 11:46:14 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-03-17 15:46:14 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music

Context & Lyrics


Og, who has feelings for both Sharon and Susan, contemplates the fickleness of love.
View Lyrics
Oh my heart is beating wildly And it's all because you're here. When I'm not near
The girl I love, I love the girl I'm near.
Ev'ry femme that flutters by me Is a flame that must be fanned. If I can't fondle the hand I'm fond of, I fondle the hand at hand.
My heart's in a pickle, It's constantly fickle And not too partickle, I fear. When I'm not near
The girl I love, I love the girl I'm near.
What if they're tall and tender
What if they're small and slender Long as they've got that gender I surrender

Always I can't refuse them Always my feet pursue them Long as they've got a bosom I woos 'em

I'm confessing a confession And I hope I'm not verbose When I'm not close to the kiss that I cling to, I cling to the kiss that's close

As I'm more and more a mortal I am more and more a case. When I'm not facing the face that I fancy. I fancy the face I face.

For Sharon I'm carin', But Susan I'm choosin' I'm faithful to whos'n is here. When I'm not near the girl I love, I love the girl I'm near.

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ul25d4gkDFM

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[post_title] => When I'm Not Near the Girl I Love [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => im-not-near-girl-love [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2018-09-06 09:39:02 [post_modified_gmt] => 2018-09-06 13:39:02 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=7797 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw ) [11] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7650 [post_author] => 733 [post_date] => 2017-03-10 17:01:48 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-03-10 22:01:48 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music

Context & Lyrics


John Jasper introduces himself and his inner disturbed feelings.
View Lyrics
Another trifling day,
One more soul-stifling day
Of blinding pain: Boredom grinds my brain
Down to the grain.
A man could go quite mad
And not be all that bad. Consider each superb,
Disturbing urge you've ever had To curse aloud in church
Or choke each bloke who Throws a smile your way... Be that as it may.
A man could have bad dreams
And not be all he seems. Yet not be far-removed
From all the noblest of extremes. Sometimes I think that sanity
Is just a passing fad. A man could go quite mad.
Unblessed are the dull.
One ceaseless, peaceless lull. Some wondrous night, Storm-struck thund'rous light Will cast me right
A sculptor lacking arms,
A sorc'ror lacking charms, A fiend who frightens no one
For there's no one that he harms. Whose clutches clutch
At only desp'rate respite From this dim tableau!
Knowing this is so,
I hide myself in thought Where one cannot be caught And feed on dreams that contradicts each Edict I've been taught And if someday I lose my way and mind, You'll find me glad - A man could go quite,
Man could go quite, Man could go quite mad!

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fn-h58dOLNg

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[post_title] => A Man Could Go Quite Mad [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => man-go-quite-mad [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2018-09-06 10:22:27 [post_modified_gmt] => 2018-09-06 14:22:27 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=7650 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw ) [12] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7629 [post_author] => 733 [post_date] => 2017-03-10 12:24:03 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-03-10 17:24:03 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Vocal Book

Context & Lyrics


Antipholus of Syracuse sings as the Sergeant drags him off to jail.
View Lyrics
Come with me Where the food is free Where the landlord never comes near you Be a guest in a house of rest Where the best of fellows can cheer you.
There's your own little room So cool, not too much light Where you're one man for whom No wife who waits up at night
When day ends You have lots of friends Who will guard you well while you slumber Safe from battle and strife Safe from the wind and gale Come with me to jail

You'll never have to fetch the milk Or walk the dog at early dawn There's no -"Get up- you're late for work!" While you rest in the pearly dawn You're never bored by politics You're privileged to miss a row Of tragedies by Sophocles And diatribes by Cicero

Your brother's wife will never come On Sunday noon to bring to you Her little son who plays the lute, Her little girl to sing to you

You can commit you little "sins" And relatives won't yell "Fie!" You needn't take the annual trip To the oracle at Delphi You snore and swear and stretch and yawn In this, your strictly male house

The only way that sinners go to Heaven Is in the jail house!

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0hnbOSdTT8

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[post_title] => Come With Me [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => come-with-me [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-03-10 12:24:03 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-03-10 17:24:03 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=7629 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 1 [filter] => raw ) [13] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7555 [post_author] => 733 [post_date] => 2017-03-08 23:23:24 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-03-09 04:23:24 [post_content] =>

Context & Lyrics


Juno laments that she cannot find love in Olympus or Earth.
View Lyrics
The breeze is chasing the zepher The moon is chasing the sea The bull is chasing the heifer But nobody's chasing me.

The cock is chasing the chicken The pea wakes up, pee-wee-wee The cat is taking a lickin' But nobody's taking me.

Nobody wants to own me And I object Nobody wants to phone me Even collect.

The leopard's chasing the leopard The chimp, some chap chimpanzee The sheep is chasing the shepherd But nobody's chasing me. Nobody! Nobody's chasing me.

The flood is chasing the levy The wolf is out on a spree The Ford is chasing the Chevvy But nobody's chasing me.

The bee is chasing petunias The queen is chasing the bee The worm is chasing the lettuce But nobody's chasing me.

Each night I get the mirror From off the shelf Each night I'm getting queerer, Chasing myself.

Ravel is chasing Debussy The avid chases the pee The gander's chasing the goosey But nobody's goosing me. Nobody! Nobody's chasing me.

The la is chasing the lama Papa is chasing Mama Monseur is chasing Madame But nobody's chasing moi.

The dove, each moment, is bolder The lark speaks muy petite Triston is chasing Isolde But nobody's chasing me.

Although I may be Juno, Believe it or not, I got a lot of you-know And you-know-what.

The snake, with passion, is shaking The pooch is chasing the flea The moose his love call is making But nobody's making me. Nobody! Nobody's chasing me!

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilzmpBJlnG0

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[post_title] => Nobody's Chasing Me [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => nobodys-chasing-me [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-03-08 23:23:24 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-03-09 04:23:24 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=7555 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 2 [filter] => raw ) [14] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7551 [post_author] => 733 [post_date] => 2017-03-08 23:12:20 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-03-09 04:12:20 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music♬ BUY Vocal Book

Context & Lyrics


Rosemary, a young secretary, dreams of a future living with Finch, a window cleaner.
View Lyrics
New Rochelle, New Rochelle, That's the place where the mansion will be For me and the darling bright young man I've picked out for marrying me.
He'll do well, I can tell. So it isn't a moment too soon To plan on my life in New Rochelle, The wife of my darling tycoon.
I'll be so happy to keep his dinner warm While he goes onward and upward; Happy to keep his dinner warm Till he comes wearily home from down town.
I'll be there waiting until his mind is clear While he looks through me, right through me; Waiting to say, "Good evening, dear. I'm pregnant. What's new with you from down town?"
Oh, to be loved by a man I respect; To bask in the glow of his perfectly understandable neglect. Oh, to belong in the aura of his frown--darling busy frown. Such heaven--
Wearing the wifely uniform While he goes onward and upward. Happy to keep his dinner warm Till he comes wearily home from down town.

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePPgEdclgoA

♬ Browse All Songs

[post_title] => Happy to Keep His Dinner Warm [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => happy-keep-dinner-warm [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-03-08 23:13:32 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-03-09 04:13:32 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=7551 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 1 [filter] => raw ) [15] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7519 [post_author] => 733 [post_date] => 2017-03-08 19:57:30 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-03-09 00:57:30 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music

Context & Lyrics


Michelle shines on stage while trying to restore her popularity.
View Lyrics
The little old lady sat on the porch of the farm-house. The little old lady rocked back and forth and crocheted. "Oh, listen to the cricket, look at the rooster, smell the hay," I told her. "And see the pretty little egg that the hen just laid."
The little old lady took off her glasses and squinted. And how she responded literally had me floored. She said: "It's to meet someone who appreciates The beauty that nature initiates." It's sweet to hear, but me, my dear, I'm truly bored.
I miss those city lights, those sparkling city lights, Those twinkling city lights blurring my eyes. I love those city lights, the color of city sights That shine under city lights tinting the skies.
New mown hay gives me hay fever. There's the rooster, where's my cleaver? So laid back, my mind might crack, And when the thresher's up my pressure's up. City lights, oh, I long for those city lights, The bulbs of those beaming brights beckoning me there. Be there.
Take the crickets and go shove 'em, Urban crises, how I love 'em! Grime and grit and pretty city lights.
Walking lanes to pick a daisy, That could drive a person crazy. Home-made bread lies here like lead, And Polly's peach preserves-- Oh, please, my nerves!
City lights, how I long for those city lights, The bulbs of those beaming brights beckoning me there. Be there.
Sties and stables sure are smelly, Let me sniff some Kosher deli, Brightly lit by pretty city lights.
Pluck your lilies of the valley, Let me sally up some alley Dimly lit by pretty city lights.
Country air means zilch to me, I won't breathe nothing I can't see. So let me quit and hit those pretty city lights. Hit them city lights! Love them city lights!
Fairs and socials ain't no pluses, I saw more on cross-town buses Brightly lit by pretty city lights. Hold that udder and churn that butter, Me, I'd rather shoot some gutter Dimly lit by pretty city lights.
Slop those sows, go on and fill your pails, Honey, just let me plant my buns down in Bloomingdales. Yes, let me quit and hit those pretty city lights. Love them city lights!

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LT5vlv-2564

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[post_title] => City Lights [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => city-lights [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-03-08 19:57:30 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-03-09 00:57:30 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=7519 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 1 [filter] => raw ) [16] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7483 [post_author] => 733 [post_date] => 2017-03-07 19:50:13 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-03-08 00:50:13 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music

Context & Lyrics


A woman is blasting her unfaithful lover.
View Lyrics
There he goes as usual, my man Breaking my foolish heart I really don't know what to do about him I've told myself I've got to do without him

There he goes as usual, my man Tearing my heart apart He's made my life a mess I've got to do this I guess

Goodbye Joe, from here I kiss you Goodbye Joe, I hope I don't miss you

If you had been on the square And had treated me fair And we?d not had a tiff If you had not said I should go and jump right off The nearest cliff

If you had stayed off the make And you never had taken To coming home stiff If I had not smelled perfume With a nasty unfamiliar whiff

I'm gonna miss you, baby Things could've been teriff Ah, what's the diff?

If you had not had the cheek To stay out for a week Saying, "Back in a jiff" If you were not such a two-timing guy

If you weren't If you hadn't If you didn't

If you weren't If you hadn't If you didn't

But you have And you were And you went And you did And so goodbye

If I had not seen you Take Geraldine on the lake In your flat-bottomed skiff If you were not out with Sue With your arms around her bare midriff

If I had not seen you pen sexy letters To Gwen in your own hieroglyph If you had not left me home When had two seats for South Pacif

I'm gonna miss you, baby You were too darn prolif Ah, what's the diff?

If you were not such a hound Who when game was around Always picked up the sniff If you were not such a two-timing guy

If you weren't If you hadn't If you didn't

If you weren't If you hadn't If you didn't

But you were And you have And you went And you did And so, goodbye

If when I asked where you'd been You had not cliffed my chin With a beautiful biff Hey, if I had not always found purple Lipstick on your handkerchief

If you had not told me lies And then looked in my eyes With a smile beautif If when I caught you with Kate You had not said, ?It?s of no signif?

I'm gonna miss you, baby And I could get specif Ah, what's the diff?

If the best years of my life Weren't spent as your wife With no marriage certif If you were not such a two-timing guy

If you weren't If you hadn't

If you didn't If you weren't If you hadn't If you didn't

But you had And you were And you have And you went And you did

And so goodbye!

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=un3JE346h4A

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[post_title] => If You Hadn't But You Did [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => if-you-hadnt-but-you-did [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-03-07 19:50:13 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-03-08 00:50:13 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=7483 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 1 [filter] => raw ) [17] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7477 [post_author] => 733 [post_date] => 2017-03-07 19:17:07 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-03-08 00:17:07 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music

Context & Lyrics


At the musical's opening, Frenchy and the girls perform for their male patrons.
View LyricsNo lyrics at this time, if you would like to submit please email trevor@theatrenerds.com

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ITqbEMi3Kw

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[post_title] => Ladies [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => ladies [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-03-07 19:17:07 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-03-08 00:17:07 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=7477 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw ) [18] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7394 [post_author] => 733 [post_date] => 2017-03-03 17:36:44 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-03-03 22:36:44 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music♬ BUY Vocal Book

Context & Lyrics


Berthe, Pippin's grandmother, reminds him to worry less and live a little.
View Lyrics
BERTHE When you are as old as I, my dear And I hope that you never are You will woefully wonder why, my dear Through your cataracts and catarrh You could squander away or sequester A drop of a precious year For when your best days are yester The rest'er twice as dear....
What good is a field on a fine summer night If you sit all alone with the weeds? Or a succulent pear if with each juicy bite You spit out your teeth with the seeds? Before it's too late stop trying to wait For fortune and fame you're secure of For there's one thing to be sure of, mate: There's nothing to be sure of!
Oh, it's time to start livin' Time to take a little from this world we're given Time to take time, cause spring will turn to fall In just no time at all....
I've never wondered if I was afraid When there was a challenge to take I never thought about how much I weighed When there was still one piece of cake
Maybe it's meant the hours I've spent Feeling broken and bent and unwell But there's still no cure sole heaven-sent As the chance to raise some hell Everybody....
ALL Oh, it's time to start livin' Time to take a little from this world we're given Time to take time, cause spring will turn to fall In just no time at all....
BERTHE
Now, Sages tweet that age is sweet Good deeds and good work earns you laurels But what could make you feel more obsolete Than being noted for your morals?
Give me a man who is handsome and strong Someone who's stalwart and steady Give me a night that's romantic and long And give me a month to get ready
Now I could waylay some aging roue And persuade him to play in some cranny But it's hard to believe I'm being led astray By a man who calls me granny
ALL Oh, it's time to start livin' Time to take a little from this world we're given Time to take time, for spring will turn to fall In just no time at all....
BERTHE So when the drearies do attack And a siege of the sads begins I just throw these regal shoulders back And lift these noble chins
Here is a secret I never have told Maybe you'll understand why I believe if I refuse to grow old I can stay young till I die
Now, I've known the fears of sixty-six years I've had troubles and tears by the score But the only thing I'd trade them for Is sixty-seven more...
ALL Oh, it's time to start livin' Time to take a little from this world we're given Time to take time, for spring will turn to fall In just no time at all....
BERTHE Oh, it's time to start livin' Time to keep takin' from this world we're given You are my time, so I'll throw off my shawl And watching your flings be flung all over Makes me feel young all over
ALL In just no time at all!

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDRIRPMBIMo

♬ Browse All Songs

[post_title] => No Time At All [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => no-time-at-all [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-03-07 16:59:56 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-03-07 21:59:56 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=7394 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 1 [filter] => raw ) [19] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7387 [post_author] => 733 [post_date] => 2017-03-03 17:06:17 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-03-03 22:06:17 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music♬ BUY Vocal Book

Context & Lyrics


Mimi Paragon, a ship captain, rants and raves about embarrassing travelers and their awkward behaviors overseas.
View Lyrics
Travel they say improves the mind, An irritating platitude, which frankly, entrenous, Is very far from true.

Personally I've yet to find that longitude and latitude can educate those scores of monumental bores Who travel in groups and herds and troupes Of various breeds and sexes Till the whole world reels... to shouts and squeals... And the clicking of Roliflexes.

Why do the wrong people travel, travel, travel When the right people stay back home? What compulsion compels them and who the hell tells them To drag their clans to Zanzibar, instead of staying quietly in Omaha.

The Taj Mahal and the Grand Canal And the sunny French Rivera Would be less oppressed if the Middle West Would settle for somewhere rather nearer. Please do not think that I criticize or cavel At a genuine urge to roam.

But why, oh why, do the wrong people travel When the right people stay back home And mind their business When the right people stay back home And eat hot doughnuts When the right people stay back home I sometimes wonder Why the right people stay back home.

Just when you think romance is ripe it rather sharply dawns on you That each sweet serenade is for the tourist trade Any attractive native type who resolutely fawns on you Will give as his address, American Express There isn't a rock between Bangkok and the beaches of His-pianola That does not recoil from suntan oil and the gurgle of Coca-Cola

Why do the wrong people travel, travel, travel When the right people stay back home? What explains this mass mania to leave Pennsylvania And clack around like flocks of geese. Demanding dry martinis on the isles of Greece In the smallest street, where the gourmets meet, They invariably fetch up And it's hard to make them accept a steak that isn't served rare and smeared with ketchup.

Millions of tourists are churning up the gravel While they gaze at St. Peter's Dome,

But why, oh why do the wrong people travel when the right people stay back home with Cinerama when the right people stay back home with all that Kleenex when the right people stay back home I merely asking why the right people stay back home

What peculiar obsessions inspire those processions Of families from Houston Tex with all those cameras around their necks? They will take a train Or an aeroplane For an hour on the Costa Brava, And they'll see Pompeii On the only day When it's up to its ass in molten lava! It would take years to unravel, ravel, ravel Every impulse that makes them wanna roam.

But why oh WHY do the wrong people travel When the right people stay at home." And Yogie Bear-O When the right people stay back home Won't someone tell me Why the right people stay back home.

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TV4WSMsu4Y

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[post_title] => Why Do the Wrong People Travel? [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => wrong-people-travel [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-03-03 17:06:17 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-03-03 22:06:17 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=7387 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 1 [filter] => raw ) [20] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7373 [post_author] => 733 [post_date] => 2017-03-03 12:06:57 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-03-03 17:06:57 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music *Sheet Music is an excerpt of the song

Context & Lyrics


Ruth describes her offbeat, nearly affection-less relationship with her husband.
View LyricsNo lyrics at this time, if you would like to submit please email trevor@theatrenerds.com

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOFshT6KvAU

♬ Browse All Songs

[post_title] => It's a Helluva Way to Run a Love Affair [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => helluva-way-run-love-affair [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-03-03 12:06:57 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-03-03 17:06:57 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=7373 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 1 [filter] => raw ) [21] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7305 [post_author] => 733 [post_date] => 2017-03-02 14:48:42 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-03-02 19:48:42 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music♬ BUY Vocal Book

Context & Lyrics


Sister Robert Anne, a nun who traded fame for the convent, sings about her love for the stage.
View LyricsNo lyrics at this time, if you would like to submit please email trevor@theatrenerds.com

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7V4h_N6sZY

♬ Browse All Songs

[post_title] => I Just Want to Be a Star [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => just-want-star [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-03-02 14:48:42 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-03-02 19:48:42 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=7305 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw ) [22] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7293 [post_author] => 733 [post_date] => 2017-02-28 20:56:24 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-03-01 01:56:24 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music♬ BUY Vocal Book

Context & Lyrics


Carmen, a producer, reminds her estranged daughter Bambi (real name Elaine) that her main goal is to draw a profit from shows.
View Lyrics
CARMEN I've never been known as one of those stupid clucks [pause] Elaine.

BAMBI Bambi

CARMEN Who pisses away a lot of her hard earned bucks [pause] Elaine

BAMBI Bambi

CARMEN But let's face it your coloratura sucks Bambi, Though it breaks your mother's heart, Forget about the part, It's time for you to know Why I really backed this show.

You ask me for my motives Well, you needn't be so smart, It's a business. It isn't making history, It isn't making art, It's a business.

Shaw and Ibsen take 'em away, And don't bother me with Molière, Those Russians never pay.

So go on criticize me, Please, proceed with your attack, It's a business

I put one million in And I expect two million back, It's a business

So, what crime have i committed If I'm putting up a fight? It's a business

And I want those paying suckers Out there giving me the business Every night

(spoken) Am I getting through to you, Elaine?

BAMBI I'm sorry mother, but to me the theatre is a temple.

CARMEN (spoken) What so it should only be filled on shabbat? Give me a hand fellas. [they clap] Very funny. You know what I mean. Back me up.

(sung) The not for profit theatres Don't need to turn a buck That's not business

GUYS That's not business

CARMEN So give them Lysistrata And I wish them lots of luck I do business

GUYS She does business

CARMEN Dorky schmorky Money misspent You won't survive Yom Kippur You'll never get through Lent

I once knew a producer Whose pretension knew no bounds In the business

GUYS In the business

CARMEN He mounted Samuel Beckett I don't mean it like it sounds It was business

GUYS It was business

CARMEN So now he's down the crapper While I'm working in my prime It's a business

GUYS It's a business

CARMEN And the shows I do do business 'Cause I really know my business And I'm giving them the business, honey All the time

BAMBI But what about the great poets of the stage?

CARMEN (spoken) Honey i put on the ice man cometh and nobody cameth

(sung) To stage hands To the dressers To musicians in the pit It's a business

GUYS It's a business

CARMEN The owner of this premiss cleans up if we're a hit He's in business

GUYS He's in business

CARMEN Union workers don't work for free Hey Harry on the spotlight Blink twice if you agree

See!

I'm not devoid of culture But my feet are on the floor It's a business

GUYS It's a business

CARMEN I do the Kama Sutra With a Richard Rogers score That's good business

GUYS That's good business

CARMEN Yes, green's my favorite color, And I don't mean on the grass It's a business

GUYS It's a business

CARMEN And the shows I do do business, Yes I'm good at doin' business, And if you don't like my business sweetie,

Blow it out your—

GUYS Business. It's a business

CARMEN Business

ALL It's a business It's a business It's a business

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDrNaP-dZ0M

♬ Browse All Songs

[post_title] => It's A Business [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => its-a-business [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-02-28 20:56:24 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-03-01 01:56:24 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=7293 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw ) [23] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 7272 [post_author] => 733 [post_date] => 2017-02-27 16:46:50 [post_date_gmt] => 2017-02-27 21:46:50 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music

Context & Lyrics


Edie regrets failing to succeed in New York City, whereas her mother Edith regrets nothing and takes no blame for Edie’s shortcomings.
View Lyrics
EDITH (spoken) I have no complaints. I have everything I ever wanted.

EDIE (spoken) You had a rich husband; you should've stayed with him.

EDITH (spoken) I had a perfect marriage... beautiful children... terribly successful marriage, I never had a fight in my life.

EDIE (spoken) Ha!

EDITH (spoken) I had a very, very happy, satisfying life.

EDIE (spoken) Can't be done. You can't have your cake and eat it, too. You can't.

EDITH (spoken) Ohhhh yes you can. I most certainly did have my cake and eat it, down to the last crumb.

(sung) What good is cake You have but never eat? I never could Deny myself a sweet, So I sliced my life And licked my knife And ate the cake I had.

EDIE (spoken) Can't be done, I'm telling you...

EDITH Two perfect sons I thoroughly enjoyed An absent spouse And cats to fill the void, And the tri-state's best Accompanist Oh yes, I ate the cake I had.

Moist. Light. Gaily decorated. Every tasty morsel, Savored, chewed and masticated.
Young. Bright. Rich and thin and clever. Like a second helping? Sister, would I ever!

EDIE (spoken) I'll probably be an old maid until I die. I'll sit around with cats the rest of my life.

EDITH (spoken) When are you gonna learn, Edie? You're in this world, you know! You're not out of the world!

(sung) The days are gone When money grew on trees. The money tree Came down with elm disease. But at my age, ducks, For my two bucks I'll eat the cake I have And like it. I'll eat the cake I have.

EDIE (spoken) I think the saddest thing was my not marrying. During the war, my best friend, she was a nurse with the Red Cross... she met somebody overseas in a hospital. A Marine. Lost both of his legs at Iwo Jima. Romance was inevitable, really, given the situation. But I couldn't travel. Mother wasn't well during the war, you see.

EDITH (spoken) Gerald Gettys worshipped you - and those two nice Rockefeller fellas-

EDIE (spoken) They were horrible! Horrible!

EDITH (spoken) You just didn't want to get married. Now it's all blamed on me.

EDIE (spoken) I missed out on everything.

EDITH Gripe. Groan. Point the famous finger. Life is disappointing, Put the parent through the wringer.

Sulk. Moan. Blame it on the mother. When I'm dead and buried You won't get another.

EDIE (spoken) I met a Count, in Greenwich Village. He was a poet and a playwright, and he said, "Edith, I want to make an honest woman out of you." I thought that was very decent.

EDITH (spoken) He didn't have a nickel in his trousers! Not a nickel!

EDIE (spoken) Mother despised him. Gave him the pink slip. To think, I coulda been a Countess - Countess Edith!

EDITH Enough with all Your celebrated loves. You had two hands. You could have modeled gloves. Is it my fault that Your cake fell flat? That you're unmarried, Bald and fat?

As the world waltzed by And Edie sat... I ate the cake I had And loved it.
Oh, I ate the cake I had, No thanks to daddy. I ate the cake... I had.

EDIE (spoken) Sometimes I think I have the saddest life...

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoOwlr7xd-A

♬ Browse All Songs

[post_title] => The Cake I Had [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => the-cake-i-had [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-02-27 16:46:50 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-02-27 21:46:50 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=7272 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw ) [24] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 5735 [post_author] => 1 [post_date] => 2016-12-15 23:23:29 [post_date_gmt] => 2016-12-16 03:23:29 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Vocal Book

Context & Lyrics


After Michael criticizes Agnes’ expensive shopping habits, the wife contemplates being a saucy divorcee.
View Lyrics

That pompous, pompous, pompous, pompous ass!! Now's the time for that hat. The one I've been saving for all these years.

An eighty-five dollar hat! What do you think of that! Thirteen feathers of the pigeon family! And a bird of paradise plume!

I hid this hat for four whole years. In this great big box at the foot of the bed - Right here in this very same room! But now, my spouse, it's out of the box, And I'm gonna tell you what; If I am going to go to pot - This pot is gonna be HOT!

Say - who's that racy, middle-aged lady, Peeking underneath her veil? Why, don't you know? That's Flaming Agnes. (Her husband up and left her)

Who's that pale, available matron? Underneath the peacock's tail? Why, can't you guess? That's Flaming Agnes. (Emancipated lady!)

Used to find her sittin' in the kitchen. Mousy housewife was her name. But the day her husband up and left her - Agnes started to flame!

Now they say that nothing can save her - And they blame her husband for the blazing shame of Flaming Agnes! (vulgar dance) Fresh!

Used to find her tendin' to the kiddies; Up to here in Cream of Wheat! But the day her husband up and left her, That's the day that Agnes turned the heat one! Now she flames from night till early mornin'! While he slaves to raise the alimony He must pay, to Flaming Agnes!

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KyXfc9LYKc

♬ Browse All Songs

[post_title] => Flaming Agnes [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => flaming-agnes [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-02-24 14:22:59 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-02-24 19:22:59 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=5735 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw ) [25] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 5209 [post_author] => 1 [post_date] => 2016-10-20 20:26:28 [post_date_gmt] => 2016-10-21 00:26:28 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music

Context & Lyrics


The schoolteacher Miss Thorn is comforting Tina’s mother, Judy, over Tina’s disappointment in being the understudy in the school play.
View LyricsNo lyrics at this time, if you would like to submit please email trevor@theatrenerds.com

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quKYinnpjco

♬ Browse All Songs

[post_title] => Teaching Third Grade [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => teaching-third-grade [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-02-24 14:42:05 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-02-24 19:42:05 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=5209 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 1 [filter] => raw ) [26] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 4889 [post_author] => 1 [post_date] => 2016-10-02 12:14:29 [post_date_gmt] => 2016-10-02 16:14:29 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music♬ BUY Vocal Book

Context & Lyrics


The emcee Mick uses the vocal talents of Shelby, a former cook, to publicize a marathon.
View Lyrics
SHELBY A long time ago A lady whose name was Carmen Drove a man wild Until he was out of control

I truly believe That i am a modern day Carmen In spite of the fact I do not habla espanol

That girl was exactly like me We share this philosophy Ole, I say

I'm not the type who's ready For datin' someone steady I'm everybody's girl

On Sunday night it's Danny On Monday, maybe Nanny I'm everybody's girl

There's a point to my behavior Which is: Smart girls always share their riches

So, if your heart succumbs Don't let it You're certain to regret it All others, come and get it I'm everybody's girl.

I could never be a cowhand's girl

La la la la la la

And you wanna know why?

ALL: Why?

SHELBY: I just can't keep my calves together.

I'm everybody's girl Some old greek called Aristotle said it: If you got it, why not spread it? So don't go rattling any sabres Exerting any labors Just share me with the neighbors I'm everybody's girl

In case your passion rages, (I'm in the yellow pages) I'm... Girl.

You won't be disappointed I'm also double-jointed I'm everybody's girl Though it leaves a lot of fellas Cursin' I'm a person Needs disbursin'

And so to reaffirm my status It's absolutely gratis To use my apparatus I'm everybody's girl

Men and me are like pianos. When they Get upright, i feel grand!

Everybody's girl!

 

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFbsSYT8wkw

♬ Browse All Songs

[post_title] => Everybody's Girl [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => everybodys-girl [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-02-23 16:15:37 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-02-23 21:15:37 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=4889 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 1 [filter] => raw ) [27] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 4798 [post_author] => 1 [post_date] => 2016-09-28 12:06:30 [post_date_gmt] => 2016-09-28 16:06:30 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music♬ BUY Vocal Book

Context & Lyrics


Vicki, a very groomed housewife, sings about her cheerful marriage with Harold.
View Lyrics
VICKI You gotta love that man He's like my personal angel I've always wanted the kind of life That I've been having as Harold's wife What a catch I have caught He would buy me the moon If the moon could be bought I'm telling you - You gotta love that man

JERRY Why can't you just tell her?

HAROLD She adores me. How do you break the heart of someone you love?

VICKI I really love that man He likes me dressed to the nines I saw two words and then ta-da There's me completely in Prada And I've got the boots that go with the belt That goes with the bag That goes with my wonderful life with Harold You gotta love that man

So he tells me you boys are rollers at the mill. That's wonderful. Of course, I don't actually know what rollers do, but hey, I hardly know what Harold does over there. It's all steel to me.

HAROLD Look at her. She's a piece of Dresden china. She'd break into a million pieces!

VICKI God, I love that man But lately he's working too hard I keep on telling him how we Should take a few weeks in Maui And we'll feel the breeze and sample the poi And go see Don Ho and I'll say "Oh boy, how I love you, Harold" I hit the jackpot with Harry

He's a gem - he's a beaut He looks cute in a suit and he loves me to boot I'm telling you You gotta love that man

Love that man I love that man I love that man!

MEN Love that man You gotta love that man You really gotta love That man

 

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATtX_m97DJw

♬ Browse All Songs

[post_title] => Life With Harold [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => life-with-harold [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-02-23 16:57:14 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-02-23 21:57:14 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=4798 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw ) [28] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 4759 [post_author] => 1 [post_date] => 2016-09-27 17:32:59 [post_date_gmt] => 2016-09-27 21:32:59 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music♬ BUY Vocal Book

Context & Lyrics


A seemingly introverted woman reveals that there's more to her than meets the eye.
View Lyrics
The sign says I'm Miss Byrd And that's my name I'm one of those people who all look the same At work I'm hardly seen I come and go
But I know something that people don't know
Every one who sees me thinks That I'm that dull Miss Byrd I could blow that myth apart But i don't say a word

I sit here at my desk And no one knows Not twenty minutes ago I was not wearing clothes I was in someone's arms, in someone's bed Oh what the thought of it does to my head

If it's true a bird makes music When her heart takes wing This bird is singing Miss byrd is singing I'm singing I'm in love But I'm not saying a thing

Uh uh Oooh oooh

Down in apartment a The super's aptly named Last week I went to the basement More hours than i claimed He says i'm super too He calls me hot I show those basement apartments a lot

Back at work i'm crisp and fresh Reliable Miss Byrd Seals are dancing in my flesh But I don't say a word

I'm showing penthouse c As i begin I still feel his hands sliding over my skin My nipples start to throb Inside my bra That's when I start to go la-dah-di-dah

If you've never felt the lift A little lunch can bring This bird is singing Miss Byrd is singing I'm singing I'm on fire But i'm not saying a thing

No no no no oh oh oh...

This is a floor thru five I call it more a six The broken kitchenette tiles they will fix

Lots of girls who first seems shy Have secrets I have found If you think I'm special I suggest you look around

That little office temp Who seems so dumb How come a trip to mcdonald's Is making her hum?

And Mrs. Smith in sales Who's turning grey Why is she smiling that curious way?

If it's true the drabbest songbirds Come alive in spring The birds are singing Miss Byrd is singing I'm singing I'm in love But I'm not saying a thing

No no no no no no no no

Mum's the word

La la la la Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard...oo-wee

La la la la... Shh.....

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzegKeXmvf4

♬ Browse All Songs

[post_title] => Miss Byrd [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => miss-byrd [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-02-23 17:53:32 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-02-23 22:53:32 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=4759 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 1 [filter] => raw ) [29] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 4730 [post_author] => 1 [post_date] => 2016-09-26 17:59:21 [post_date_gmt] => 2016-09-26 21:59:21 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music♬ BUY Vocal Book

Context & Lyrics


The Mad Hatter raves on about how she wants to rule Wonderland.
View Lyrics
Well Hello, there, it's me With how it's gonna be, Settle down and listen up good.

The old Hatter is gone But the Hat must go on Worn by me, is that understood?

So shut up and tow the line, While I redefine How this all will be mine.

I have a dream, It's got a full head of steam!

What is true what is not Can both change in a shot And people, me, I couldn't care less.

'Cause in two seconds flat Livin' under my hat Is the strategy for success.

I will look the other way When you want to play Something more than croquet. You catch my drift? My little personal gift!

I'm the Mad Hatter Come and follow me, this is it. The Mad Hatter, All you gotta do is submit.

And if you don't my friend, Well then in the end, There'll be nothing left to defend. Know what I mean? When you are facing the Queen.

Uppercase, double-spaced Everyone gets a taste, And a brand new leather hat band.

But to participate, Let me reiterate You must first put me in command.

I'm the wonder, understand, Under Wonderland, Put the reigns in my hand. I'll do the rest, As soon as you've acquiesced!

I'm the Mad Hatter Offering a little bit more. The Mad Hatter, Giving you what you're looking for.

I am your best worst case For the choice you face, And the fastest rat in the race! It's me or the queen And her serene guillotine.

There is nothing I won't do, There is nothing too taboo, I will lie, I will cheat, I will track you down And then hit delete tout suite!

So sweetie let me repeat... I'm the Mad Hatter, Lend allegiance while you still can, The Mad Hatter More than just a Hat with a plan.

I am where you belong, The right kind of wrong, And I'll still be going real strong!

The bottom line Is everything will be fine. As all the planets align, It's gonna be so divine. When all of this will be MINE!!

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xc9PICpnAhI

♬ Browse All Songs

[post_title] => Mad Hatter [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => mad-hatter [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-02-23 21:43:23 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-02-24 02:43:23 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=4730 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw ) [30] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 4703 [post_author] => 1 [post_date] => 2016-09-26 11:46:23 [post_date_gmt] => 2016-09-26 15:46:23 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music♬ BUY Vocal Book

Context & Lyrics


View Lyrics
I look at all them pictures in the magazines Where they show you all the models in designer jeans All the girls are skinny are their hair is flat Why would we want to look like that?

We like the fashion don’ts and not the dos We read the comics and I throw away the news Cityfolks laugh at our K-mart clothes But we got our own style and we got out own nose

12 step programs make me yawn But I could 2 step all night long Pink flamingos on my lawn But, don’t call us trailer trash, we live in a mobile home

You can always keep me down on the farm Cause I’ve always like a man with a half tan arm A pickup truck with over-sized tires make me weak in the knees And sets my heart on fire

Cheese fries, wise guys, demolition derbies Stir fries, nice guys do nothing fer me Never cut out gourmet recipes, We prefer the cuisine at the tasty freeze

We like cars with lots of chrome We can make art out of Styrofoam We ain’t got no cellular phone But, don’t call us trailer trash, We live in a mobile home

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeBnPRonT7E

♬ Browse All Songs

[post_title] => Don't Call Me Trailer Trash [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => dont-call-me-trailer-trash [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-02-23 22:21:30 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-02-24 03:21:30 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=4703 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw ) [31] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 4693 [post_author] => 1 [post_date] => 2016-09-26 11:17:19 [post_date_gmt] => 2016-09-26 15:17:19 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music♬ BUY Vocal Book

Context & Lyrics


Ella, a chimney sweeper, is magically turned into the movie star Passionella.
View Lyrics
Look at me I am gorgeous. I am absolutely gorgeous. There's this avalanche of beauty in one woman and I'm it. Ahh. Oh look at the way all of the parts fit together.
Stunning. See the way my nose stopped running. I was positive this creature was there inside here ol' me. All bottled up waiting to get free. Now I see the real me.
Look at this, look at that. Look at those, let me just feel me. Beautiful, glamorous, radiant, ravishing. Look at the hair. Look at this shape. Look everywhere.
I am such a divine me. Every studio will sign me. My cup runneth over. Whoever saw such a complete wow! Nobody will say no to me now. No one, is as, gorgeous, as. Me-Ahhhhhhh.

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjVSqEURLUo

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[post_title] => Gorgeous [post_excerpt] => [post_status] => publish [comment_status] => open [ping_status] => open [post_password] => [post_name] => gorgeous [to_ping] => [pinged] => [post_modified] => 2017-02-24 01:00:37 [post_modified_gmt] => 2017-02-24 06:00:37 [post_content_filtered] => [post_parent] => 0 [guid] => http://theatrenerds.wpengine.com/?post_type=audition_songs&p=4693 [menu_order] => 0 [post_type] => audition_songs [post_mime_type] => [comment_count] => 0 [filter] => raw ) [32] => WP_Post Object ( [ID] => 4682 [post_author] => 1 [post_date] => 2016-09-25 18:27:13 [post_date_gmt] => 2016-09-25 22:27:13 [post_content] => ♬ BUY Digital Sheet Music

Context & Lyrics


The cabbie Hildy Esterhazy tries to seduce the sailor Chip and brags about her talents.
View Lyrics
HILDY: Oh, I can cook, too, on top of the rest, My seafood's the best in the town. And I can cook, too. My fish can't be beat, My sugar's the sweetest around. I'm a man's ideal of a perfect meal Right down to the demi-tasse. I'm a pot of joy for a hungry boy, Baby, I'm cookin' with gas. Oh, I'm a gumdrop, A sweet lollipop, A brook trout right out of the brook, And what's more, baby, I can cook!
Some girls make magazine covers, Some girls keep house on a dime, Some girls make wonderful lovers, But what a lucky find I'm. I'd make a magazine cover, I do keep house on a dime, I make a wonderful lover, I should be paid overtime!

'Cause I can bake, too, on top of the lot, My oven's the hottest you'll find. Yes, I can roast too, My chickens just ooze, My gravy will lose you your mind. I'm a brand new note On a table d'hote, But just try me? la carte. With a single course You can choke a horse. Baby, you won't know where to start! Oh, I'm an hors d'oeuvre, A jelly preserve, Not in the recipe book, And what's more, baby, I can cook!

Baby, I'm cookin' with gas. Oh, I'm a gumdrop, A sweet lollipop, A brook trout right out of the brook, And what's more, baby, I can cook!

Some girls make wonderful jivers, Some girls can hit a high "C", Some girls make good taxi drivers, But what a genius is me. I'd make a wonderful jiver, I even hit a high "C", I make the best taxi driver, I rate a big Navy "E"!

'Cause I can fry, too, on top of the heap, My Crisco's as deep as a pool. Yes, I can broil, too, My ribs get applause, My lamb chops will cause you to drool. For a candied sweet Or a pickled beet, Step up to my smorgasbord. Walk around until You get your fill. Baby, you won't ever be bored! Oh, I'm a pat? A marron glac? A dish you will wish you had took. And what's more, baby, I can cook!!

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t062tjKmK_I

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Context & Lyrics


View Lyrics
Love is beautiful, love is swell Love is as sweet as a nut Love is grander than tongue can tell Love is remarkable but
Look at what it did to Romeo It dealt poor Romey an awful blow If love could do that to Romeo What chance have I with love?

Look at what it did to Anthony It made a "mark" out of Anthony If love could do that to Anthony What chance have I with love?

Look at what it did to Samson 'Til he lost his hair he was brave If a haircut could weaken Samson They could murder me with a shave

Louie Number Fifteen, King of France They say he suffered with each romance If love kicked him in the royal pants What chance have I An ordinary guy What chance have I with love?

Look at what it did to Adam From that bite he could not escape If an apple could finish Adam They could knock me off with a grape

Miss Lucrezia Borgia, deep in sin She poisoned her lovers when they dropped in If they wound up with a Mickey Finn What chance have I An ordinary guy What chance have I with love?

Look what love did for Reno It put Reno on the map When a woman goes to Reno It's because some man is a sap

Tommy Manville's love is not returned He sells asbestos and he has learned That with asbestos he still gets burned What chance have I An ordinary guy What chance have I with love?

Watch / Listen


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfljnbflUzk

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