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21 Things Theatre Teachers Can Tell Their Students That Regular Teachers Can’t

Warning: These are actual conversations that actual theatre educators are having with their students. Every theatre teacher wonders, “What do my students go home and tell their parents?” Hey Mom and Dad! Guess what my theatre teacher said today…

1. “Don’t stop choking him until he dies”

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Teaching stage combat produces some interesting sentences that could be misinterpreted if taken out of context.

2. “You need to wear different underwear”

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Costumes can be a nightmare. Between see through costumes, tight costumes, and revealing costumes… this line is said more than it should be.

3. “You’re not drunk enough” (Let me show you how to be drunk)

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Teaching students how to act drunk… awkward for everyone involved.

4. “I don’t like that dress… try on this one”… to a boy

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Did I mention costumes were a nightmare? I thought so.

5. “Try to threaten me”

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You’re supposed to be scary in this scene! Try to threaten me!

6. I’m your father now

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Okay, in this improv scene I’m going to play the role of your father.

7. “Nobody loves you and you’re all alone in the world”

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What’s my character motivation?

8. “Who did your makeup? It’s all wrong.”

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Just a little too much lipstick…

9. “Today we’re going to learn how to breathe”

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Fundamentals of stage speech… you’ve been breathing wrong your whole life… Seriously…

10. “I am a mother pheasant plucker…”

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Tongue Twister (the freshmen love this one) I am a mother pheasant plucker. I pluck mother pheasants. I am the best mother pheasant plucker to ever pluck a mother pheasant. Say that five times fast… and then go to the dean’s office.

11. “I’ve always wanted to be a serial killer”

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I mean I’ve always wanted to play a serial killer.

12. “This summer I was a dancing fork”

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Let’s be honest… if you’ve been in Beauty and the Beast, your resume probably has something like “Dancing Fork #8.” But I was the most graceful of all the dancing utensils!

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13. “You sound Indian… not Irish” (Your accent doesn’t sound real)

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When learning dialects, everyone’s culture is offended equally!

14. “I need you guys to kiss again”

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This time let’s try it with a little less tongue…

15. When a student asks, “Is it because I’m black?” you can say yes

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“Why do I have to sit in the balcony in this scene? Is it because I’m black?” Yes, we’re doing To Kill a Mockingbird… that’s kind of the point.

16. “You’re a pig”

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It’s not every day you get to call a student a pig… unless of course they’re a pig.

17. “I’ve never hated you more”

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And I mean that in a good way! You played that villain so convincingly!

18. “Build me a castle… you have three weeks”

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I decided this scene should have a castle… you can make that happen right?

19. “I want your death to be a violent death…”

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The audience should cheer when you die.

20. “I could hear everything you said in the bathroom…”

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Because your microphone is still on

21. I love you!

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When it’s all said in done… no other teacher knows you like your theatre teacher. The theatre department is like your second family.

So you might have some bizarre quotes from your theatre teacher, but you wouldn’t want it any other way!

Have your theatre teachers said some bizarre things? Are you a theatre teacher that’s said some bizarre things? List them in the comments section below!

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Written by Eric Eidson

Eric is a playwright, director, actor, and theatre educator from Aurora, CO. He received his BA in Acting and Theatre Education, and is currently an MFA candidate at the Playwright's Lab at Hollins University. (Hi Mom!)

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