“I don’t sing in the shower, I perform,” my fellow thespian friend said at rehearsal one night. I laughed out loud and responded sarcastically, “Oh, I’m sure your roommates love that.” My friend leaned in close as if she were about to reveal one of her deepest, darkest secrets, and said, “My roommate hates ‘Wicked,’ so I make sure to belt out the end of ‘Defying Gravity’ really loud if I know she’s home.”
Who knew musical theatre could be used as a strange form of torture? Luckily, singing showtunes doesn’t count as a form of cruel and unusual punishments, so sing away with these six songs:
1. ‘Tomorrow’ from ‘Annie’
This one is at the top of the list for a reason. One surefire way to torment those around you is singing this overdone screamfest with the same amount of passion as a young Andrea McArdle.
2. ‘Oklahoma!’ from ‘Oklahoma!”
“And the land we belong to is grand! And then we saaaayyyyy NO PLEASE! STOP! WHY!”
You’re not “doin’ fine” if you think this a Top 40 hit. It’s tolerable during the show, but humming this song while you lather, rinse and repeat is a little coo-coo ka-choo.
3. ‘One More Angel in Heaven’ from ‘Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat’
Once upon a time, Andrew Lloyd Webber tried to write a hoedown — long story short, it’s a fun dance number, but it has the power to get stuck in your head for months on end. The brothers are singing a song to their father about how Joseph died unexpectedly, when in reality, the brothers sold him into slavery. They’re pure evil! No wonder the song is so bad! Also, any musical number with sudden, unexplained southern accents can’t be a good thing.
4. ‘Shipoopi’ from ‘The Music Man’
The title says it all.
5. ‘Fugue for Tinhorns’ from ‘Guys and Dolls’
It’s a classic: three guys singing about horses in a horse race for no other reason than to show the audience they are going to watch a show about gambling. Although, if you were me, you spent the rest of the show trying to figure out why they kept mentioning Paul Revere. This one is bound to annoy those around you. For the best results, try singing all three parts at once.
6. ‘Anything’ from ‘Cats’
Or, better yet, just buy a funky leotard, throw on some cat ears and heavy makeup and dance around your house. Your roommates will hate it. I know this from personal experience.
Which showtunes make you cringe? Or better yet, what’s your guilty pleasure musical theatre song? Add yours to the list!
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