1. Annie Baker:

Baker is best known for her 2013 Pulitzer-winning Off-Broadway play “The Flick.” Aside from having written many other Off-Broadway plays, she was a MacArthur Fellow for 2017.

2. Lisa D’Amour:

D’Amour’s Off-Broadway plays include “The Cataract” and “Nita and Zita,” the latter of which won an Obie Award. Her play “Detroit” was a finalist for the 2011 Pulitzer Prize, and her Broadway play “Airline Highway” received four Tony nominations and three Drama Desk nominations.

3. Sarah DeLappe:

Her 2016 Off-Broadway play “The Wolves,” which is about a high school girls’ soccer team, was a finalist for the 2017 Pulitzer Prize. She has an MFA from Brooklyn College.

4. Margaret Edson:

Her play “Wit,” which ran Off-Broadway from 1998-2000, earned her the Pulitzer Prize, an Emmy for Outstanding Made for Television Film, and a Tony nomination for Best Revival of a Play. The Broadway production starred Cynthia Nixon, who also received a Tony nomination.

5. Liz Flahive:

A graduate from NYU Tisch, Flahive’s play “From Up Here” received nominations from Drama Desk and Outer Critics Circle. She has co-produced the shows “Nurse Jackie” and “GLOW.”

6. Amy Freed

Her Off-Broadway play “Freedomland” was a finalist for the 1998 Pulitzer Prize. Another Off-Broadway play of hers, the Shakespeare-themed “The Beard of Avon,” played Off-Broadway in 2003. More recently, the San Francisco Public Library named her a Library Laureate.

7. Madeleine George:

Her 2013 Off-Broadway play “The (curious case of the) Watson Intelligence” was a Pulitzer Prize finalist. Along with Young Jean Lee, Anne Washburn, and Sarah Ruhl, George also co-founded the Obie-winning collective 13P. She is married to Lisa Kron, who co-wrote the musical “Fun Home.”

8. Rebecca Gilman

Her best-known works are the Off-Broadway plays “Spinning Into Butter” and “Boy Gets Girl.” The former play examines political correctness and racial identity, whereas the latter play examines power dynamics in gender relations. Another play, “A True Story of the Johnstown Flood,” was inspired by Hurricane Katrina.

9. Gina Gionfriddo:

Two of her Off-Broadway plays, “Becky Shaw” and “Rapture, Blister, Burn,” were 2009 and 2013 finalists for the Pulitzer Prize. She has also written for “Law and Order” and “Cold Case.”

10. DW Gregory

Her plays are tragicomedic examinations of American life throughout history. One of her most famous works, “Radium Girls,” is about a group of female factory workers who fall ill with radium poisoning. It is a popular choice among high schools and community theaters.

11. Danai Gurira:

You might know her as Michonne from “The Walking Dead” and as Okoye in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Gurira’s play “Eclipsed” received six Tony nominations (winning one), and her play “Familiar” won her the Sam Norkin Award from Drama Desk.

12. Leslye Headland:

Headland is known for her “Seven Deadly Plays” cycle, in which each play covers one of the seven deadly sins in Christianity. She has directed multiple films, and her Netflix series “Russian Doll,” which she created with Natasha Lyonne and Amy Poehler, premieres later this year.

13. Amy Herzog:

Her Off-Broadway play “4000 Miles” won a 2012 Obie Award and was a 2013 Pulitzer Prize finalist. Her other Off-Broadway plays, including “The Great God Plan,” Mary Jane,” and “Belleville,” each received Drama Desk nominations.

14. Quiara Alegría Hudes:

Best known for writing the book for “In the Heights,” Hudes’ Off-Broadway play “Water by the Spoonful” won her the 2012 Pulitzer Prize for Drama. Her most recent musical “Miss You Like Hell,” which she wrote with Erin McKeown, played Off-Broadway last year.

15. Lucy Kirkwood:

This British playwright has found success on West End and on Broadway. Her most famous play, “The Children,” premiered in London in 2016, opened on Broadway a year later, and earned two Tony nominations.

16. Young Jean Lee

Lee has written and directed ten shows for her own non-profit theater company, of which she is the Artistic Director. Her most famous play, “Straight White Men,” made her the first Asian-American woman to have a play produced on Broadway.

17. Jennifer Maisel:

Her 2012 Off-Broadway play “The Last Seder” is about a Long Island family coming together during a difficult time. She is a lecturer at USC’s School for Dramatic Arts, and has been a Playwright in Residence for The Jewish Women’s Theatre Project.

18. Martyna Majok:

This Polish-American playwright won the 2018 Pulitzer Prize for Drama for her Off-Broadway play “Cost of Living.” More recently, her play “Queens,” which is about a group of immigrant women growing in the New York borough of the same name, premiered Off-Broadway last year.

19. Lynn Nottage:

Nottage is the only woman to have won the Pulitzer Prize for Drama twice. Her most recent major play “Sweat” is about a group of factory worker friends who are pitted against each other when layoffs occur. The play received three Tony nominations in 2017.

20. Antoinette Nwandu:

Nwandu is a member of the Ars Nova Play Group, and her play “Pass Over,” which ran Off-Broadway last year, became a film for Amazon that Spike Lee directed.

21. Suzan-Lori Parks:

In 2002, her play “Topdog/Underdog” made her the first African-American woman to win the Pulitzer Prize for Drama. She then was a Pulitzer Prize finalist in 2015 for her Off-Broadway play “Father Comes Home from the War (Parts 1, 2, and 3).” Her upcoming Off-Broadway play “White Noise” will premiere at the Public Theater in March of this year.

22. Theresa Rebeck:

Her Off-Broadway play “Omnium Gatherum,” which she wrote with Alexandra Gersten-Vassilaros, was a 2004 Pulitzer Prize finalist. Rebeck has had other Broadway plays, including “Seminar” and “Dead Accounts.” Her most recent Broadway play”Bernhardt/Hamlet” is about Sarah Bernhardt’s groundbreaking performance as the iconic Shakespearean protagonist.

23. Yasmina Reza:

This French playwright has had two Broadway plays, “Art” and “God of Carnage,” which both received Tony nominations. Last year, she published a novel “Elisabeth,” which is about a woman whose curiosity and ambition turn her quaint life into a police thriller.

24. Sarah Ruhl:

Two of her plays, “The Clean House” and “In the Next Room (or The Vibrator Play),” were Pulitzer Prize finalists. The latter play received three Tony nominations. More recently, her Off-Broadway play “For Peter Pan on Her 70th Birthday” received its New York premiere in 2017.

25. Laura Shamas:

Having earned a Ph. D. from Pacifica Graduate Institute, Shamas has written over 40 plays. She has also published “Pop Mythology,” which is an essay collection about mythology and modern life. Shamas is part-Chickasaw, and her works are featured in the Native American Women Playwrights Archive at Miami University in Ohio.

26. Lisa B. Thompson:

Thompson is a professor of African and African Diaspora Studies at UT-Austin, whose play “Single Black Female” ran Off-Broadway in 2006. She has had multiple plays receive productions throughout Texas.

27. Lucy Thurber:

Thurber is a playwright and opera librettist who has taught at NYU and Sarah Lawrence College. Her plays “Bottom of the World,” “Scarcity,” and “Tranfers” all received Off-Broadway runs during this decade.

28. Joyce Van Dyke:

Van Dyke is a lecturer at Harvard Extension School. Her play “The Women Who Mapped the Stars,” which tells of the discoveries made by five female Harvard astronomers, premiered last year in Cambridge. Her Off-Broadway play “Daybreak,” originally called “Deported,” is about the Armenian Genocide.

29. Paula Vogel:

Vogel is a playwright who was a Creative Writing Professor at Brown University for 24 years. She has written multiple Off-Broadway plays, including “How I Learned to Drive,” which received the 1998 Pulitzer Prize for Drama. Her Broadway play “Indecent” won two Tony Awards in 2017.

30. Anne Washburn:

She is best known for her 2013 Off-Broadway dark comedy, “Mr. Burns, a Post-Electric Play.” Despite a polarized reception, the play one Drama League nomination. Washburn’s theatrical adaptation of “The Twilight Zone” is opening on West End in March.

Did we leave off your favorite female playwright? Let us know in the comments below…

The post 30 Female Playwrights You Should Know appeared first on Theatre Nerds.

Today, the director has many responsibilities. Some are microscopic, and some are monumental. Chiefly, the director must guide the team in defining the artistic shape of the production. They must set the parameters of the world that is being created. This earns them the right to have an opinion on everything (whether or not that opinion is voiced and/or heeded). And while most people would jump at the chance to be in charge, it is important to remember that with great power comes great responsibility. To be a director, you have to prove yourself a leader worth following.

Here’s how…

1. Do Your Research

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Are you allergic to homework? Do book reports make you drowsy? Would you rather be dead than go to the library? Then, buddy, this is NOT the job for you. Like the genre itself, directing starts on the page. Before your first rehearsal, you’ll need to have a general understanding of the show’s historical context, references and themes. Even looking up the reviews of the original production might influence your interpretation. Granted, this doesn’t mean you have to know EVERYTHING… but if you intend to be a leader worth following, being a smarty-pants surely doesn’t hurt.

2. Be Organized & Stay Organized

The quickest and easiest way to have people turn against you is to waste their time. So, make a schedule and STICK TO IT. After all, you can’t earn respect unless you offer it. Don’t run over in a session (“Oh, just another 10 minutes!”), don’t be late (“Sorry to keep you all waiting!”) and don’t skip breaks (“You can just push through, right?!”). And be realistic with your expectations; you know you’re not going to get a production number staged in 45 minutes. Also, know what pages you are staging in that session; be familiar with them and have them handy. No one wants to work with a fumbling doofus.  

3. Don’t Over-Plan

I know what you’re thinking: “Wait… didn’t you just tell me to research until my eyes bleed and schedule every time I’ll need to pee?” Well, yeah… BUT — this is where you have to show a little restraint. Remember: you’re the director, not the dictator; if you have an answer for every question, you’re not only doing your job, you’re doing everyone else’s. And that’s ANNOYING. Giving actors line-readings (performing the role for them instead of coaching them to find a performance) invalidates their creative input. As much as you can, allow for happy accidents. Encourage people to make their own discoveries by answering questions with more questions. When they find the answer “independently”, there is a sense of ownership that will really show in the work.

4. Collaborate

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The best idea in the room doesn’t have to be your own. You’ve assembled a room full of talented and creative people. So… LET THEM BE TALENTED AND CREATIVE! Learn to listen; listen to learn.  

5. Study Art

Staging is HARD. Composition is one of the most difficult concepts for young directors to grasp. There are lots of little rules: actors should stand in triangles, people need to “cheat out” to see faces, asymmetry is your friend, etc. An easy way to develop your eye is to study the Old Masters (basically any painter working before 1800… or anyone with the same name as a Ninja Turtle). Find paintings of crowd scenes in particular. Take note of how the artist places his/her subjects to achieve peak visibility and drama. See how you can adapt their work. After all, the proscenium stage is modeled after the frame of a painting.   

6. Steal Creatively

Nobody likes a thief (especially not Javert…). It doesn’t matter that you saw the original production 50 times; as the director, it’s your job to figure out how the story will be told anew. Copying another production’s staging/choreography is THEFT. That work is/was someone else’s intellectual property. You can let their work influence you, sure — there’s a reason the show was successful in the first place. But steal creatively. When you see a show, take note of elements you admire. But don’t be dumb about it. You’d be surprised how inconspicuously the end of the first act of “Sunday in the Park with George” fits into the chorale of “The Pirates of Penzance.” And the audience (and critics) will be none-the-wiser. And if they are? Well, just call it an homage…

7. Don’t Be a Jerk

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This one sounds like a no-brainer, but… ugh, you’d be surprised. A lot of what a director does is to encourage other artists to deliver their best work. That’s not going to happen when people are scared of you. You can be tough and challenging, for sure. But don’t be a bully! Like, never ever. Behaving like a tyrant is sabotage to the creative process. And be brave enough to apologize when you have to; it doesn’t make you weak to say you’re sorry when it’s due. It’s like your mother always said: treat others the way you want to be treated.

8. Find the Humanity

Theater is magic. To breathe the same air as artists while they create for you in real-time — it’s an experience that is unparalleled. Simply put: there is no other form that can so closely replicate real life. Those are the moments to strive for, those moments of truth. One way to emphasize this is to ask yourself constantly while watching, “Does this feed my sense of truth?” If not, consider what changes can be made or notes can be given. But remember: the sense of truth shifts from show to show. The reality of “Mamma Mia!” is very different from that of “A Little Night Music.” Always aim for truth within the construct of the reality you are creating.

9. Know Your Audience

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Directing a show for kids? Then maybe your actors need to keep their pants on… The point is: always remain aware of the intended audience for your work. For example, the church-going crowd doesn’t like vulgarity. Even if you [BLEEP]-ing love swears, you may have to find ways to tone things down the product to meet the audience’s ethical standards without compromising your artistic integrity OR the integrity of the work as written (no one said this job was going to be easy…) After all, the audience is the reason you have a job in the first place. Respect them and they’ll respect you.

10. Honor the Playwright

The most important person in the rehearsal room is always the playwright; it doesn’t matter if they’ve been dead for 2,400 years (here’s looking at you, Aristophanes…). It was the playwright’s idea that brought everyone together. Therefore, it is your primary responsibility as director to tell the story as they intended. Have a crazy concept for a show? Cool. Before you try to cram it into your new-fangled box, ask yourself, “Does this idea serve the play as written?” If not, you’re editorializing. In the theater, the playwright is God. The director just gets to spread the blessed word.

The post AGAIN, FROM THE TOP: 10 Tips For Young Directors appeared first on Theatre Nerds.

1. Packing a bag with given circumstances

An acting exercise where students do a simple action and add dimension to it by applying given circumstances.

Age: 8 plus.

Skills: Creating a character, focus, improvisation, mime, and imagination.

Participants: This can be practiced alone or in a group.

Time: 10–20 minutes.

You’ll need: A room large enough for students to spread out and find a quiet space.

How to: The students find a space in the room and sit down on their own. The student imagines that they are packing a bag for an event; perhaps they are going on holiday, on a school trip, to school, to the gym, or traveling for a year, or even that they’ve been assigned to a spy mission. Explain that they can be any character they want, but they must know at least three of their given circumstances. For example, it’s your first day at high school, you’re in your tidy bedroom with everything neatly laid out on the sofa bed, and you have stomach cramps. Or you are leaving home, you are in a rush because you don’t want your parents to find out, you have a headache, and your stuff is spread all over the room because you threw it all over the place in a rage.

Give the students a few minutes to mime packing their bags under a particular set of given circumstances and then ask them to try again with a brand-new set of circumstances. This can be done three or four times.

Variation: This exercise can also be done with a real bag and real objects. However, this can be distracting and too leading. If practiced this way, explain the exercise the week before to students and ask them to bring in a bag and some objects. It can be good for students to swap their bags and objects with others so that the items they are using don’t hold too many set connotations.

Tip: Students shouldn’t rush this exercise or feel that they have to talk or perform. Subtle actions and reactions can be very intriguing, and these should come naturally if the student is playing the given circumstances.

2. Changing the tempo

A fun warm-up game where students explore the different speeds people operate at.

Age: 8 plus.

Skills: Creating a character, imagination, and movement.

Participants: This exercise can be done alone or in a group.

Time: 5–15 minutes.

You’ll need: A room big enough for students to walk around in.

How to: Students find a space in the room, and the teacher explains how different

People move at different speeds. Ask the students to think of someone they know who moves around at top pace and someone they know who moves around very slowly. Now explain that they are going to move around the room at different speeds, which will vary depending on what number the teacher calls out. If the teacher calls out number one, students will move at a very slow speed, and if the number ten is called out, they will move at a fast pace. Students then add a character inspired by the speed. If number two is called out, for example, a suitable character might be a person who is at ease on holiday at the beach or a person who isn’t very enthusiastic about going somewhere. Then, if the number eight is called, the actor might walk around the room fast as if they are late for a meeting or excited on their way to the gates at Disney. Running isn’t allowed in this exercise, even when the number ten is called; a fast walk is the maximum speed allowed. The teacher calls out all the different numbers, asking students to come up with characters and situations for each number.

Ask the students to choose their favorite character and speed from the ones they just experimented with. Some students may choose a slow character, number one or two, and others may choose a fast one, nine or ten. Ask the students to walk around the room as their chosen character. Instantly, the diversity of speeds will create an interesting scene and annoyances, and conflicts emerge as people get in each other’s way.

Variation: Ask the students to get into pairs; within the pair, one will play a low-speed person and the other a high-speed person, but despite this, they both have the same objective. Perhaps they are looking for a lost dog, trying to complete a school assessment or trying to tidy a room. Conflict will arise in this scene because they are playing opposite tempos, and it’s quite likely some comedy will spring from this.

Tip: Explain to students not just to focus on the speed of which a character walks but also to consider the speed of their body language. Someone at a number ten, for example, might have very rapid and frequent body language.

3. Favorite feature

An acting exercise to encourage the actor to move in new ways.

Age: 8 plus.

Skills: Creating a character, movement, and mime.

Participants: This exercise can be done alone or in a group.

Time: 10–15 minutes.

You’ll need: A room students can move around in.

How to: Start by asking students to walk around the room. Explain that when you call out a body part, the student is to imagine this is their favorite feature about themselves. Let’s say the teacher calls out ‘eyes’; the students will then walk around imagining that their eyes are their favorite feature. Now ask the students to all shake hands with another student and introduce themselves, still with their eyes as their favorite feature. People’s movements are often influenced by what they like and dislike about themselves. If your favorite feature about yourself is your eyes, you may open them wide, make them expressive while you talk and be keen to make eye contact. Ask the students to move around the room introducing themselves to as many different people as possible with their eyes as their favorite feature. Then after a few minutes, change the body part so that now the hands are their favorite feature. Carry on like this, changing the favorite feature every so often. Other body parts may include the feet, waist, collarbone, lips, and hair. When working with under 18s, it is essential to avoid the more genital areas of the body in this exercise.

Variation one: What you don’t like about yourself can also influence movement. A fun variation of the above exercise is to call out a body part that the student can imagine they don’t like about themselves. So if you called ‘lips’, for example, the actor would imagine they don’t like their lips; they might keep touching and covering their lips when introducing themselves, or they might bite their lips or turn their head down slightly to draw attention away from their lips.

Variation two: Another variation is to do one favorite feature and one feature you don’t like about yourself at the same time. For example, ‘you like your hair, but you dislike your nose’.

Tip: Ask students to think about their own movement in everyday life and how their favorite and least favorite features about themselves affect their movement. However, don’t ask them to share this information with the class as it’s private.

4. Creating given circumstances for fairy-tale characters

An academic and imaginative exercise to encourage students to create backstories for characters.

Age: 8 plus.

Skills: Spontaneity, creating a character, imagination and character building. Participants: This exercise can be done alone or in a group.

Time: 10–20 minutes.

You’ll need: A pen and paper for each student.

How to: Ask the students to think of one character from a fairy tale and a scene from the fairy tale featuring this character – for example, when Jack sells his cow Daisy, or when Snow White takes an apple from the disguised queen, or when the wolf talks to Little Red Riding Hood in the woods. Now ask the students to take that character and scene and to answer the questions below:

•  What’s the character’s name?
• What are their hobbies?
•  What don’t they like?
•  What are their favorite things?
• Do they have any enemies?
•  How old are they?
•  Where do they live?
•  Who makes up their family?
• Do they have any friends?
•  How have they found themselves in the situation they are in?
•  What are their surroundings like at the moment?
•  Are they cold, hot, hungry, in a rush or in any pain?

Explain before you begin that it’s okay to make up the answers and that there is no right or wrong answer. Any interpretation is acceptable.

Variation one: After students have gathered all of this information on their character, they can put it into practice. Ask them to create short 5-minute improvisations in groups of three to four using their characters. It can be fun to have a group of characters from different fairy tales altogether, and this provides a good base for a new and unique improvisation.

Variation two: This exercise can be practiced with a different set of characters that are not fairy-tale characters. For an older, more advanced group, the same exercise as above could be done with Shakespearean characters, characters from novels or characters from musicals

Tip: Discourage students from overthinking or writing things down and encourage them to approach given circumstances in a practical and intuitive way.

5. I’m sorry I …

A fast-paced improvisation exercise perfect for a group warm-up.

Age: 8 plus.

Skills: Listening, spontaneity, imagination, and improvisation.

Participants: This needs to be done in a group of five or more.

Time: 10–15 minutes.

You’ll need: A room big enough to sit in a circle.

How to: The group sits in a circle, and one person – let’s call her Rania – starts

by standing up. Rania approaches a person sitting in the circle, and she apologizes for something. Let’s say she approaches Maya. Rania might be very sorry because she has lost Maya’s pet dog, she’s smashed Maya’s phone or she’s cast an irreversible spell on Maya’s brother. Maya can react in any way she likes. She could be sad, cross or maybe even pleased about the accident. What’s vital here is that whatever Rania is apologizing for, Maya goes along with it. Once the short improvisation comes to an end, Maya will then pick someone else in the circle and approach them to apologize for something. Maya might go over to Vadim, for example, and apologize for getting mud on his coat. But if Vadim asks to pass, that’s okay; Maya can pick someone else. Improvisation must never be forced onto anyone as that could put them off for life. Chances are if Vadim is given a few weeks in class just to watch, in a few weeks’ time, he will join in with an improvisation exercise on his own accord once he’s ready.

Tip: It can be fun when students play this game in character. Explain to students that they can be any character they like – a school teacher, princess or astronaut. Once they think of a character, it is likely to give them inspiration for something to be sorry for.

About 100 Acting Exercises for 8 – 18 Year Olds

SEE ON AMAZON

Theories and techniques of some of the greatest theatre practitioners including Sanford Meisner, Constantin Stanislavski, Lee Strasberg, and Uta Hagen provide a basis for Samantha Marsden’s original exercises. The exercises have been tried and tested in the author’s own classroom. Focus points used in leading drama schools such as voice, movement, relaxation, character development, and understanding text are recreated for a younger student.

The book features a foreword by Paul Roseby, CEO and Artistic Director of the National Youth Theatre.

“Here is the book that every drama teacher should have on their shelf” –  Sylvia Young, OBE

“An excellent resource. In it, acting coaches and their young students will find daily inspiration.” –  Robert McKee, author, lecturer and story consultant

“Every young actor that wants a working instrument should do these great, fun and practical exercises” –  Michelle Danner, Artistic Director of the Michelle Danner Acting Studio

About the Author

Samantha Marsden studied method acting at The Method Studio in London. She went on to study Drama, Applied Theatre and Education at the Royal Central School of Speech and Drama. She worked as a freelance drama teacher for eleven years at theatre companies, youth theatres, private schools, state schools, special schools and weekend theatre schools. In 2012 she set up her own youth theatre, which quickly grew into one of the largest regional youth theatres in the country.

The post Five Acting Exercises for 8–18-Year-Olds appeared first on Theatre Nerds.

Here are 17 dramatic monologues for men:

1. “We can’t strike.” – Marius from ‘Les Misérables’

Spark a revolution with this one-minute monologue spoken by Victor Hugo’s Marius.

Monologue Length: 1:00 – 1:15

“We can’t strike. Why not? Because it’s against the law to strike! The king has declared that everything is a crime. Writing is a crime. Two weeks ago, the police destroyed the Galaty, the worker’s newspaper. They smashed the press. They burned over two thousand newspapers but that didn’t satisfy the king. Three days ago at a student meeting, a peaceful meeting, soldiers broke it up and arrested two of my friends. Writing, talking, going to class, speaking out is a crime. Being poor is a crime. Being poor is the worst crime of all. And if you commit these crimes, you are condemned for life. Our government has no mercy, no pity, no forgiveness. And there’s no work for us. And because there’s no work, our children are starving. Tell me: why are we powerless to save the people we love? All of you know. Tell me – why? The king betrayed us. We were promised the vote, do we have it? Do we have the vote? Where is the republic our fathers died for? It’s here my brothers. It lives here in our heads. But most of all, best of all, it’s here in our hearts. In our hearts – WE ARE THE REPUBLIC!”

2. “You wouldn’t understand yet, son…” – Walter Lee Younger from ‘A Raisin In The Sun’

From one of the most acclaimed plays to date comes Walter Lee Younger’s iconic monologue. Walter is an ambitious dreamer who wants a better life for his family, untouched by poverty.

Monologue Length: 1:25 – 1:40

“You wouldn’t understand yet, son, but your daddy’s gonna make a transaction…a business transaction that’s going to change our lives…That’s how come one day when you ‘bout seventeen years old I’ll come home and I’ll be pretty tired, you know what I mean, after a day of conferences and secretaries getting things wrong the way they do…’cause an executive’s life is hell, man–And I’ll pull the car up on the driveway…just a plain black Chrysler, I think, with white walls–no–black tires. More elegant. Rich people don’t have to be flashy…though I’ll have to get something a little sportier for Ruth–maybe a Cadillac convertible to do her shopping in…And I’ll come up the steps to the house and the gardener will be clipping away at the hedges and he’ll say, “Good evening, Mr. Younger.” And I’ll say, “Hello, Jefferson, how are you this evening?” And I’ll go inside and Ruth will come downstairs and meet me at the door and we’ll kiss each other and she’ll take my are and we’ll go up to your room to see you sitting on the floor with the catalogues of all the great schools in America around you…All the great schools in the world! And–and I’ll say, all right son–it’s your seventeenth birthday, what is it you’ve decided?…just tell me where you want to go to school and you’ll go. Just tell me, what it is you want to be==Yessir! You just name it, son…and I hand you the world!”

3. “Well, as you guessed, Hope took over her father’s business…” – Officer Lockstock from ‘Urinetown’

We think “urine” luck with Officer Lockstock’s animated ‘Urinetown’ monologue.

Monologue Length: 1:15 – 1:30

“Well, as you guessed, Hope took over her father’s business, instituting a series of reforms which opened the public bathrooms to all the people, to pee for free whenever they liked, as much as they liked, for as long as they liked, with whomever they liked. The UGC was renamed, “The Bobby Strong Memorial Toilet Authority” and was operated as a public trust for the benefit of the people. Of course, it wasn’t long before the water turned silty, brackish and then disappeared altogether. As cruel as Caldwell B. Cladwell was, his measures effectively regulated water consumption, sparing the town the same fate as the phantom Urinetown. Hope chose to ignore the warning signs, however, preferring to bask in the people’s love for as long as it lasted. If there is a next time I’m sure we can. Well, that’s our story. Hope eventually joined her father in a manner not quite so gentle. As for the people of this town? They did as best they could. But they were prepared for the world they inherited, weaned as they were on the legend born of their founding father’s scare tactics. For when the water dried up, they recognized their town for the first time for what it really was. What it was always waiting to be.”

4. “I’m just living in Berkeley.” – Benjamin Braddock from ‘The Graduate’

Full of angst and self-confliction, the popular story of Benjamin Braddock follows his affair with the older Mrs. Robinson and his romance with her daughter, Elaine.

Monologue Length: 0:45 – 1:00

“I’m just living in Berkeley. Having grown somewhat weary of family life, I’ve been meaning to stop by and pay my respects but have not been entirely certain how you felt about me after the incident with your mother which was certainly a serious mistake on my part but not serious enough I hope to permanently alter your feelings about me. I love you. I love you and I can’t help myself and I’m begging you to forgive me for what I did. I love you so much I’m terrified of seeing you every time I step outside the door. I feel helpless and hopeless and lost and miserable, please forget what I did please Elaine O God Elaine I love you please forget what I did? Please forget what I did Elaine, I love you.”

5. “All the world’s a stage…” – Jacques from ‘As You Like It’

Perhaps one of the most memorable speeches in theatre history, Shakespeare’s “All the world’s a stage” stands the test of time. Bring your own unique voice to the role of Jacques with this monologue.

Monologue Length: 1:15 – 1:30

“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms.
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel,
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lin’d,
With eyes severe, and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper’d pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose well sav’d, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.”

6. “A heavier task could not have been imposed…” – Egeon from ‘The Comedy Of Errors’

In the opening of this play by The Bard, Egeon wears his heart on his sleeve and tells the audience of his tragic past.

Monologue Length: Up to 2:50

“A heavier task could not have been imposed
Than I to speak my griefs unspeakable:
Yet, that the world may witness that my end
Was wrought by nature, not by vile offence,
I’ll utter what my sorrows give me leave.
In Syracusa was I born, and wed
Unto a woman, happy but for me,
And by me, had not our hap been bad.
With her I lived in joy; our wealth increased
By prosperous voyages I often made
To Epidamnum; till my factor’s death
And the great care of goods at random left
Drew me from kind embracements of my spouse:
From whom my absence was not six months old
Before herself, almost at fainting under
The pleasing punishment that women bear,
Had made provision for her following me
And soon and safe arrived where I was.”

[Full Monologue HERE]

7. “To be, or not to be–that is the question…” – Hamlet in ‘Hamlet’

Hamlet’s infamous speech is sure to prove a worthwhile challenge for actors looking to take on a classic piece by Shakespeare.

Monologue Length: 1:30 – 1:45

“To be, or not to be–that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die, to sleep–
No more–and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. ‘Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep–
To sleep–perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There’s the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th’ oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely
The pangs of despised love, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th’ unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprise of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action. — Soft you now,
The fair Ophelia! — Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remembered.”

8. “Is this a dagger which I see before me…” Macbeth in ‘Macbeth’

Enter The Scottish Play – a story filled with intensity and anguish. Step into the shoes of this acclaimed role and slay your next dramatic monologue.

Monologue Length: 1:30 – 1:45

“Is this a dagger which I see before me,
The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee.
I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.
Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible
To feeling as to sight? or art thou but
A dagger of the mind, a false creation,
Proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain?
I see thee yet, in form as palpable
As this which now I draw.
Thou marshall’st me the way that I was going;
And such an instrument I was to use.
Mine eyes are made the fools o’ the other senses,
Or else worth all the rest; I see thee still,
And on thy blade and dudgeon gouts of blood,
Which was not so before. There’s no such thing:
It is the bloody business which informs
Thus to mine eyes. Now o’er the one halfworld
Nature seems dead, and wicked dreams abuse
The curtain’d sleep; witchcraft celebrates
Pale Hecate’s offerings, and wither’d murder,
Alarum’d by his sentinel, the wolf,
Whose howl’s his watch, thus with his stealthy pace.
With Tarquin’s ravishing strides, towards his design
Moves like a ghost. Thou sure and firm-set earth,
Hear not my steps, which way they walk, for fear
Thy very stones prate of my whereabout,
And take the present horror from the time,
Which now suits with it. Whiles I threat, he lives:
Words to the heat of deeds too cold breath gives.
[A bell rings]
I go, and it is done; the bell invites me.
Hear it not, Duncan; for it is a knell
That summons thee to heaven or to hell.”

9. “But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?” – Romeo from ‘Romeo And Juliet’

If it’s a declaration of love that strikes your fancy, choose this monologue from the one of the most romantic (and tragic) love stories of all time.

Monologue Length: 1:00 – 1:10

“But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the East, and Juliet is the sun!
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief
That thou her maid art far more fair than she.
Be not her maid, since she is envious.
Her vestal livery is but sick and green,
And none but fools do wear it. Cast it off.
It is my lady; O, it is my love!
O that she knew she were!
She speaks, yet she says nothing. What of that?
Her eye discourses; I will answer it.
I am too bold; ’tis not to me she speaks.
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!”

10. “Under the cool shade of a sycamore…” – Boyet from ‘Love’s Labour’s Lost’

This eloquent speech brings to life the role of Boyet, assistant to the princess in ‘Love’s Labour’s Lost’.

Monologue Length: 1:20 – 1:35

“Under the cool shade of a sycamore
I thought to close mine eyes some half an hour;
When, lo! to interrupt my purposed rest,
Toward that shade I might behold addrest
The king and his companions: warily
I stole into a neighbour thicket by,
And overheard what you shall overhear,
That, by and by, disguised they will be here.
Their herald is a pretty knavish page,
That well by heart hath conn’d his embassage:
Action and accent did they teach him there;
‘Thus must thou speak,’ and ‘thus thy body bear:’
And ever and anon they made a doubt
Presence majestical would put him out,
‘For,’ quoth the king, ‘an angel shalt thou see;
Yet fear not thou, but speak audaciously.’
The boy replied, ‘An angel is not evil;
I should have fear’d her had she been a devil.’
With that, all laugh’d and clapp’d him on the shoulder,
Making the bold wag by their praises bolder:
One rubb’d his elbow thus, and fleer’d and swore
A better speech was never spoke before;
Another, with his finger and his thumb,
Cried, ‘Via! we will do’t, come what will come;’
The third he caper’d, and cried, ‘All goes well;’
The fourth turn’d on the toe, and down he fell.
With that, they all did tumble on the ground,
With such a zealous laughter, so profound,
That in this spleen ridiculous appears,
To cheque their folly, passion’s solemn tears.”

11. “Mankind marches on…” – Peter Trofimov from ‘The Cherry Orchard’

Peter, an intellectual with an often pretentious nature, sheds light on his views with “Mankind marches on…”

Monologue Length: 1:30 – 1:45

“Mankind marches on, going from strength to strength. All that now eludes us will one day be well within our grasp, but, as I say, we must work and we must do all we can for those who are trying to find the truth. Here in Russia very few people do work at present. The kind of Russian intellectuals I know, far and away the greater part of them anyway, aren’t looking for anything. They don’t do anything. They still don’t know the meaning of hard work. They call themselves an intelligensia, but they speak to their servants as inferiors and treat the peasants like animals. They don’t study properly, they never read anything serious, in fact they don’t do anything at all. Science is something they just talk about and they know precious little about art. Oh, they’re all very earnest. They all go round looking extremely solemn. They talk of nothing but weighty issues and they discuss abstract problems, while all the time everyone knows the workers are abominably fed and sleep without proper bedding, thirty or forty to a room–with bed-bugs everywhere, to say nothing of the stench, the damp, the moral degradation. And clearly all our fine talk is just meant to pull wool over our own eyes and other people’s too. Tell me, where are those children’s creches that there’s all this talk about? Where are the libraries? They’re just things people write novels about, we haven’t actually got any of them. What we have got it dirt, vulgarity and squalor. I loathe all those earnest faces. They scare me, and so do earnest conversations. Why can’t we keep quiet for a change?”

12. “Yes, I have tricks in my pocket, I have things up my sleeve.” – Tom Wingfield from ‘The Glass Menagerie’

‘The Glass Menagerie’ opens with this monologue by Tom Wingfield, the narrator of the story.

Monologue Length: Up to 2:00

“Yes, I have tricks in my pocket, I have things up my sleeve. But I am the opposite of a stage magician. He gives you illusion that has the appearance of truth. I give you truth in the pleasant disguise of illusion. To begin with, I turn bark time. I reverse it to that quaint period, the thirties, when the huge middle class of America was matriculating in a school for the blind. Their eyes had failed them or they had failed their eyes, and so they were having their fingers pressed forcibly down on the fiery Braille alphabet of a dissolving economy. In Spain there was revolution. Here there was only shouting and confusion. In Spain there was Guernica. Here there were disturbances of labour, sometimes pretty violent, in otherwise peaceful cities such as Chicago, Cleveland, Saint Louis. . . . This is the social background of the play. The play is memory. Being a memory play, it is dimly lighted, it is sentimental, it is not realistic. In memory everything seems to happen to music. That explains the fiddle in the wings. I am the narrator of the play, and also a character in it. The other characters are my mother Amanda, my sister Laura and a gentleman caller who appears in the final scenes. He is the most realistic character in the play, being an emissary from a world of reality that we were somehow set apart from. But since I have a poet’s weakness for symbols, I am using this character also as a symbol; he is the long-delayed but always expected something that we live for. There is a fifth character in the play who doesn’t appear except in this larger-than-life-size photograph over the mantel. This is our father who left us a long time ago.He was a telephone man who fell in love with long distances; he gave up his job with the telephone company and skipped the light fantastic out of town. . . .The last we heard of him was a picture postcard from Mazatlan, on the Pacific coast of Mexico, containing a message of two words – ‘Hello – Good-bye!’ and no address. I think the rest of the play will explain itself …”

13. “Try and calm yourself, and make your mind easy again…” – Torvald Helmer from ‘A Doll’s House’

Torvald comforts his wife, Nora, in this snippet from Henrik Ibsen’s play, ‘A Doll’s House.’

Monologue Length: 1:20 – 1:45

“Try and calm yourself, and make your mind easy again, my frightened little singing-bird. Be at rest, and feel secure; I have broad wings to shelter you under. [Walks up and down by the door.] How warm and cosy our home is, Nora. Here is shelter for you; here I will protect you like a hunted dove that I have saved from a hawk’s claws; I will bring peace to your poor beating heart. It will come, little by little, Nora, believe me. Tomorrow morning you will look upon it all quite differently; soon everything will be just as it was before. Very soon you won’t need me to assure you that I have forgiven you; you will yourself feel the certainty that I have done so. Can you suppose I should ever think of such a thing as repudiating you, or even reproaching you? You have no idea what a true man’s heart is like, Nora. There is something so indescribably sweet and satisfying, to a man, in the knowledge that he has forgiven his wife–forgiven her freely, and with all his heart. It seems as if that had made her, as it were, doubly his own; he has given her a new life, so to speak; and she has in a way become both wife and child to him. So you shall be for me after this, my little scared, helpless darling. Have no anxiety about anything, Nora; only be frank and open with me, and I will serve as will and conscience both to you–. What is this? Not gone to bed? Have you changed your things?”

14. “Oh, Miss Julie, a dog may lie on the couch of a Countess…” – Jean from ‘Miss Julie’

Jean’s complex character first appears one way to Miss Julie, the play’s protagonist, before showing his true colors.

Monologue Length: 1:15 – 1:25

“Oh, Miss Julie, a dog may lie on the couch of a Countess, a horse may be caressed by a lady’s hand, but a servant—yes, yes, sometimes there is stuff enough in a man, whatever he be, to swing himself up in the world, but how often does that happen! But to return to the story, do you know what I did? I ran down to the mill dam and threw myself in with my clothes on—and was pulled out and got a thrashing. But the following Sunday when all the family went to visit my grandmother I contrived to stay at home; I scrubbed myself well, put on my best clothes, such as they were, and went to church so that I might see you. I saw you. Then I went home with my mind made up to put an end to myself. But I wanted to do it beautifully and without pain. Then I happened to remember that elderberry blossoms are poisonous. I knew where there was a big elderberry bush in full bloom and I stripped it of its riches and made a bed of it in the oat-bin. Have you ever noticed how smooth and glossy oats are? As soft as a woman’s arm.—Well, I got in and let down the cover, fell asleep, and when I awoke I was very ill, but didn’t die—as you see. What I wanted—I don’t know. You were unattainable, but through the vision of you I was made to realize how hopeless it was to rise above the conditions of my birth.”

15. “I’m celebrating because I’ve got a friend who tells me all the things that ought to be told me.” – George Gibbs from ‘Our Town’

Thornton Wilder’s beloved ‘Our Town’ chronicles the story of one town, Grover’s Corner, and the families that encompass the community. George Gibbs is an all-American boy navigating family, school, love for Emily, and growing up.

Monologue Length: 0:45 – 1:00

“I’m celebrating because I’ve got a friend who tells me all the things that ought to be told me. I’m glad you spoke to me like you did. But you’ll see. I’m going to change. And Emily, I want to ask you a favor. Emily, if I go away to State Agricultural College next year, will you write me a letter? The day wouldn’t come when I wouldn’t want to know everything about our town. Y’ know, Emily, whenever I meet a farmer I ask him if he thinks it’s important to go to Agricultural School to be a good farmer. And some of them say it’s even a waste of time. And like you say, being gone all that time – in other places, and meeting other people. I guess new people probably aren’t any better than old ones. Emily – I feel that you’re as good a friend as I’ve got. I don’t need to go and meet the people in other towns. Emily, I’m going to make up my mind right now – I won’t go. I’ll tell Pa about it tonight.”

16. “Why do you got to get killed?” – Lennie Small from ‘Of Mice And Men’

Known for his kind heart and loyalty, Lennie struggles with accepting that he has accidentally killed a puppy given to him by his friend, George.

Monologue Length: 1:00 – 1:15

“Why do you got to get killed? You ain’t so little as mice. I didn’t bounce you so hard. (bends pup’s head up and looks in its face) Now may be George ain’t gonna let me tend no rabbits if he finds out you got killed. (Scoops a little hollow and lays puppy in it out of sight and covers it over with hay. He stares at the mound he has made.) I’ll tell George I found it dead. (unburies pup and inspects it. Twists its ears and works his fingers in its fur, sorrowfully) But he’ll know. George always knows. He’ll say: “You done it. Don’t try to put nothin’ over on me.” And he’ll say: “Now just for that you don’t get to tend no ‐‐‐ you know whats.” (his anger rises. Addresses pup) Damn you. Why do you got to get killed? You ain’t so little as mice. (picks up pup and hurls it from him, turns his back on it. Sits bent over his knees, moaning to himself.) Now he won’t let me…Now he won’t let me. You wasn’t big enough. They tole me and tole me you wasn’t. I didn’t know you’d get killed so easy. Maybe George won’t care. This here pup wasn’t nothin’ to George.”

17. “What can I do? I’m a patsy, what can a patsy do?” – Eddie Carbone from ‘A View From The Bridge’

Though well intentioned, Eddie Carbone struggles to stay afloat in the real world as he lets himself slowly fall into a delusional state of mind in ‘A View From The Bridge.’

Monologue Length: 0:45 – 1:00

“What can I do? I’m a patsy, what can a patsy do? I worked like a dog twenty years so a punk could have her, so that’s what I done. I mean, in the worst times, in the worst, when there wasn’t a ship comin’ in the harbor, I didn’t stand around lookin’ for relief—I hustled. When there was empty piers in Brooklyn, I went to Hoboken, Staten Island, the West Side, Jersey all over—because I made a promise. I took out of my own mouth to give to her. I took out of my wife’s mouth. I walked hungry plenty days in this city! (It begins to break through.) And now I gotta sit in my own house and look at a son-of-a-bitch punk like that—which he came out of nowhere! I give him my house to sleep! I take the blankets off my bed for him, and he takes and puts his dirty filthy hands on her like a goddam thief!”

Have a great dramatic monologue to share with other thespians? Comment below…

The post 17 Dramatic Monologues For Men appeared first on Theatre Nerds.

Have no fear! Here are 17 dramatic monologues for women:

1. “Set down, set down your honourable load…” – Lady Anne Neville from ‘Richard III’

When it comes to drama, Shakespeare’s ‘Richard III’ doesn’t fall short – as shown by this monologue spoken by the complex and emotionally-driven Lady Anne…

Monologue Length: Up to 2:00

“Set down, set down your honourable load,
If honour may be shrouded in a hearse,
Whilst I awhile obsequiously lament
The untimely fall of virtuous Lancaster.
Poor key-cold figure of a holy king!
Pale ashes of the house of Lancaster!
Thou bloodless remnant of that royal blood!
Be it lawful that I invocate thy ghost,
To hear the lamentations of Poor Anne,
Wife to thy Edward, to thy slaughter’d son,
Stabb’d by the selfsame hand that made these wounds!”

[Full Monologue HERE]

2. “And for that matter I have no secrets.” – Julie from ‘Miss Julie’

The woeful tale of Miss Julie dates back to 1888, written by playwright August Strindberg (it has since then been adapted into modern works such as the National Theatre’s production of ‘Julie’).

Monologue Length: 1:25 – 2:00

“And for that matter I have no secrets. You see, my mother was not of noble birth. She was brought up with ideas of equality, woman’s freedom and all that. She had very decided opinions against matrimony, and when my father courted her she declared that she would never be his wife—but she did so for all that. I came into the world against my mother’s wishes, I discovered, and was brought up like a child of nature by my mother, and taught everything that a boy must know as well; I was to be an example of a woman being as good as a man—I was made to go about in boy’s clothes and take care of the horses and harness and saddle and hunt, and all such things; in fact, all over the estate women servants were taught to do men’s work, with the result that the property came near being ruined—and so we became the laughing stock of the countryside. At last my father must have awakened from his bewitched condition, for he revolted, and ran things according to his ideas. My mother became ill—what it was I don’t know, but she often had cramps and acted queerly—sometimes hiding in the attic or the orchard, and would even be gone all night at times. Then came the big fire which of course you have heard about. The house, the stables—everything was burned, under circumstances that pointed strongly to an incendiary, for the misfortune happened the day after the quarterly insurance was due and the premiums sent in by father were strangely delayed by his messenger so that they arrived too late.”

3. “My sister, Veronica, and I did this double act…” – Velma Kelly from ‘Chicago’

…5, 6, 7, 8! Take on the role of Cook County Jail diva, Velma Kelly, who recounts her murderous mishap involving her late husband and sister.

Monologue Length: 0:40 – 1:00

“My sister, Veronica, and I did this double act and my husband, Charlie, traveled around with us. Now for the last number in our act, we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row, one, two, three, four, five…splits, spread eagles, flip flops, back flips, one right after the other. Well, this one night we were in Cicero, the three of us, sittin’ up in a hotel room, boozin’ and havin’ a few laughs and we ran out of ice, so I went out to get some. I come back, open the door and there’s Veronica and Charlie doing Number Seventeen–the spread eagle. Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I can’t remember a thing. It wasn’t until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands I even knew they were dead.”

4. “I dream of a place where we could be together at last…” – Audrey from ‘Little Shop Of Horrors’

While ‘Little Shop Of Horrors’ offers audiences plenty of laughs (and horrors), it also carries a few heavy themes. Cue Audrey’s heartfelt monologue, denoting her hopes and dreams to live somewhere that’s green beyond Skid Row.

Monologue Length: 0:30 – 0:50

“I dream of a place where we could be together at last… It’s just a daydream of mine. A little development that I dream of. Just off the interstate in a little suburb, far, far from urban Skid Row. The sweetest, greenest place – where everybody has the same little lawn out front and the same little flagstone patio out back. And all the houses are so neat and pretty… ‘Cause they all look just alike. Oh, I dream about it all the time. Just me. And the toaster. And a sweet little guy – like Seymour…”

5. “I come here from North Carolina at seventeen…” – Esther from ‘Intimate Apparel’

Lynn Nottage’s play is set in 1905 and chronicles the journey of a young woman following her dreams in New York City.

Monologue Length: 0:50 – 1:00

“I come here from North Carolina at seventeen after my mother died of influenza. God bless her loving spirit. My father died two years later, he was a slave you see and didn’t take to life as a freeman. He’d lost his tongue during a nasty fight over a chicken when I was a baby, so I never heard him speak, no complaints, no praise, no gentle words, no goodbye. He was… silent. Broken really. I come to this city by myself, worked my way North little by little, picking berries in every state until I get here. An old woman in the rooming house teach me to sew intimate apparel, saying folks’ll pay you good money for your discretion. It was just about the best gift anybody give me. It was as though God kissed my hands when I first pulled the fabric through the sewing machine and held up a finished garment. I discovered all I need in these fingers. I wanted you to know that about me.”

6. “Long gone away somewhere I don’t know…” – Mrs. Robinson from ‘The Graduate’

And here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson… The story of ‘The Graduate’ has graced both screen and stage, an acclaimed script accompanying both.

Monologue Length: 0:30 – 0:45

“Long gone away somewhere I don’t know. I met your father, he used t’sing t’me. We’d be go someplace in the car and he would sing. He could sing. But not the high notes. Some songs he couldn’t get those high notes. So at school I had this teacher. Who taught the choir and the piano and the oboe, but the choir, so I know if you singing high up there you must think you breathing in, not out, as you go up… You understand? In, not out, and high as you like. So one night. In the car. I taught him. And right away, he could. And all the songs he used to sing… to want to sing… suddenly… he could sing ‘em. And you know what? He never sang to me again.”

7. “One woe doth tread upon another’s heel…” – Gertrude from ‘Hamlet’

If there’s one playwright who knows drama, it’s William Shakespeare. In one of his most-read works, the character of Queen Gertrude laments the death of Ophelia as she informs Ophelia’s brother, Laertes.

Monologue Length: 0:50 – 1:10

“One woe doth tread upon another’s heel,
So fast they follow. Your sister’s drown’d, Laertes.
Drown’d! O, where?
There is a willow grows aslant a brook,
That shows his hoar leaves in the glassy stream.
There with fantastic garlands did she come
Of crowflowers, nettles, daisies, and long purples,
That liberal shepherds give a grosser name,
But our cold maids do dead men’s fingers call them.
There on the pendant boughs her coronet weeds
Clamb’ring to hang, an envious sliver broke,
When down her weedy trophies and herself
Fell in the weeping brook. Her clothes spread wide
And, mermaid-like, awhile they bore her up;
Which time she chaunted snatches of old tunes,
As one incapable of her own distress,
Or like a creature native and indued
Unto that element; but long it could not be
Till that her garments, heavy with their drink,
Pull’d the poor wretch from her melodious lay
To muddy death.”

8. “O good Iago, What shall I do to win my lord again?” – Desdemona from ‘Othello’

In another monologue penned by The Bard, Desdemona beckons the help of her friend, Iago, to win back her husband’s love and affections.

Monologue Length: 0:40 – 1:00

“O good Iago, What shall I do to win my lord again? Good friend, go to him; for, by this light of heaven, I know not how I lost him. Here I kneel: If e’er my will did trespass ‘gainst his love, Either in discourse of thought or actual deed, Or that mine eyes, mine ears, or any sense, Delighted them in any other form; Or that I do not yet, and ever did. And ever will—though he do shake me off To beggarly divorcement—love him dearly, Comfort forswear me! Unkindness may do much; And his unkindness may defeat my life, But never taint my love. I cannot say ‘whore:’ It does abhor me now I speak the word; To do the act that might the addition earn Not the world’s mass of vanity could make me.”

9. “Thou knowest the mask of night…” – Juliet from ‘Romeo and Juliet’

Perhaps the most iconic tragedy to date, ‘Romeo And Juliet’ bare countless woeful speeches. You can get your fill of drama with Juliet’s “Thou knowest the mask of night” monologue.

Monologue Length: 1:00 – 1:15

“Thou knowest the mask of night is on my face;
Else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek
For that which thou hast heard me speak to-night.
Fain would I dwell on form — fain, fain deny
What I have spoke; but farewell compliment!
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say ‘Ay’;
And I will take thy word. Yet, if thou swear’st,
Thou mayst prove false. At lovers’ perjuries,
They say Jove laughs. O gentle Romeo,
If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully.
Or if thou thinkest I am too quickly won,
I’ll frown, and be perverse, and say thee nay,
So thou wilt woo; but else, not for the world.
In truth, fair Montague, I am too fond,
And therefore thou mayst think my havior light;
But trust me, gentleman, I’ll prove more true
Than those that have more cunning to be strange.
I should have been more strange, I must confess,
But that thou overheard’st, ere I was ware,
My true-love passion. Therefore pardon me,
And not impute this yielding to light love,
Which the dark night hath so discovered.”

10. “Cremuel– tell the Ambassador of the bill you are bringing into Parliament.” – Anne Boleyn from ‘Wolf Hall’

‘Wolf Hall’ sheds light on the Tudor era of King Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn through the eyes of Thomas Cromwell. Channel your anguished inner queen with these words by Anne…

Monologue Length: 1:05 – 1:20

“Cremuel– tell the Ambassador of the bill you are bringing into Parliament. I wish it made clear to your master, and to all Europe, that a bill is going through Parliament which settles the succession of England on my children. Mine. Not Katharine’s. When a son is born to me he shall succeed to the throne of England. And my daughters are and shall be royal princesses.

Cremuel’s bill declares that Katharine’s child Mary is a bastard– she was never your wife, Henry, so the child you go on her is a bastard–is that not so, Cremuel? It’s not enough to put Mary out of the line of succession! It’s no good to me. I want her made a bastard. You bill will make her a bastard.

You are worried about her cousin, the Emperor? You don’t want to provoke him? No? Then I shall provoke him for you. I shall tell you, Ambassador, what will happen to Mary. The Princess Elizabeth is to have her own household and the bastard Mary will join it as her servant. She will go on her knees to my daughter. And if she won’t bend her knee then she shall be beaten and buffeted until she does bend. She will call my daughter Princess, or I shall make her suffer.”

11. “I went to the typing instructor and introduced myself as your mother.” – Amanda Wingfield from ‘The Glass Menagerie’

A devoted yet overprotective mother involves herself with the business of her children in this monologue from the acclaimed play, ‘The Glass Menagerie’.

Monologue Length: 1:25 – 1:40

“I went to the typing instructor and introduced myself as your mother. She didn’t know who you were. Wingfield, she said. We don’t have any such student enrolled at the school! I assured her she did, that you had been going to classes since early in January. ‘I wonder,’ she said, ‘if you could be talking about that terribly shy little girl who dropped out of school after only a few days’ attendance?’ ‘No,’ I said, ‘Laura, my daughter, has been going to school every day for the past six weeks!’ ‘Excuse me,’ she said. She took the attendance book out and there was your name, unmistakably printed, and all the dates you were absent until they decided that you had dropped out of school. I still said, ‘No, there must have been some mistake I There must have been some mix‐up in the records!’ And she said, ‘No – I remember her perfectly now. Her hands shook so that she couldn’t hit the right keys! The first time we gave a speed‐test, she broke down completely ‐ was sick at the stomach and almost had to be carried into the wash‐room! After that morning she never showed up any more. We phoned the house but never got any answer’ – while I was working at Famous and Barr, I suppose, demonstrating those – Oh! I felt so weak I could barely keep on my feet! I had to sit down while they got me a glass of water! Fifty dollars’ tuition, all of our plans – my hopes and ambition for you – just gone up the spout, just gone up the spout like that.”

12. “When I was very small…” – Beneatha Younger from ‘A Raisin In the Sun’

Audiences are brought into the living room of one Chicago family in ‘A Raisin In The Sun’. Beneatha, one of the play’s main characters, discusses her past in the below snippet.

Monologue Length: 1:15 – 1:30

“When I was very small…we used to take our sleds out in the wintertime and the only hills we had were the ice covered stone steps of some houses down the street. And we used to fill them in with snow and make them smooth and slide down them all day…and it was very dangerous you know…far too steep…and sure enough one day a kid named Rufus came down too fast and hit the sidewalk…and we saw his face just split open right there in front of us…and I remember standing there looking at his bloody open face thinking that was the end of Rufus. But the ambulance came and they took him to the hospital and they fixed the broken bones and they sewed it all up…and the next time I saw Rufus he just had a little line down the middle of his face…I never got over that…

That that was what one person could do for another, fix him up–sew up the problem, make him all right again. That was the most marvelous thing in the world…I wanted to do that. I always thought it was the one concrete thing in the world that human being could do. Fix up the sick, you know–and make them whole again. This was truly being God…”

13. “Yes–someday, perhaps, after many years…” – Nora Helmer from ‘A Doll’s House’

This play’s leading lady is a model housewife and mother plagued by an inner discontentment for her “perfect” world.

Monologue Length: 1:00 – 1:15

“Yes–someday, perhaps, after many years, when I am no longer as nice-looking as I am now. Don’t laugh at me! I mean, of course, when Torvald is no longer as devoted to me as he is now; when my dancing and dressing-up and reciting have palled on him; then it may be a good thing to have something in reserve–[Breaking off.] What nonsense! That time will never come. Now, what do you think of my great secret, Christine? Do you still think I am of no use? I can tell you, too, that this affair has caused me a lot of worry. It has been by no means easy for me to meet my engagements punctually. I may tell you that there is something that is called, in business, quarterly interest, and another thing called payment in installments, and it is always so dreadfully difficult to manage them. I have had to save a little here and there, where I could, you understand. I have not been able to put aside much from my housekeeping money, for Torvald must have a good table. I couldn’t let my children be shabbily dressed; I have felt obliged to use up all he gave me for them, the sweet little darlings!”

14. “He was a boy, just a boy…” – Blanche DuBois from ‘A Streetcar Named Desire’

In one of theatre’s most known works written by Tennessee Williams, Blanche DuBois shares her discovery of love and its tumultuous and tragic downfall.

Monologue Length: 1:50 – 2:10

“He was a boy, just a boy, when I was a very young girl. When I was sixteen, I made the discovery–love. All at once and much, much too completely. It was like you suddenly turned a blinding light on something that had always been half in shadow, that’s how it struck the world for me. But I was unlucky. Deluded. There was something different about the boy, a nervousness, a softness and tenderness which wasn’t like a man’s, although he wasn’t the least bit effeminate looking–still–that thing was there…. He came to me for help. I didn’t know that. I didn’t find out anything till after our marriage when we’d run away and come back and all I knew was I’d failed him in some mysterious way and wasn’t able to give the help he needed but couldn’t speak of! He was in the quicksands and clutching at me–but I wasn’t holding him out, I was slipping in with him! I didn’t know that. I didn’t know anything except I loved him unendurably but without being able to help him or help myself. Then I found out. In the worst of all possible ways. By coming suddenly into a room that I thought was empty–which wasn’t empty, but had two people in it… the boy I had married and an older man who had been his friend for years….

[… …]

I ran out–all did!–all ran and gathered about the terrible thing at the edge of the lake! I couldn’t get near for the crowding. Then somebody caught my arm. “Don’t go any closer! Come back! You don’t want to see!” See? See what! Then I heard voices say–Allan! Allan! The Grey boy! He’d stuck the revolver into his mouth, and fired–so that the back of his head had been–blown away!

It was because–on the dance-floor–unable to stop myself–I’d suddenly said–“I saw! I know! You disgust me…” And then the searchlight which had been turned on the world was turned off again and never for one moment since has there been any light that’s stronger than this–kitchen– candle…”

15. “Fie, fie, unknit that threat’ning unkind brow…” Katherine from ‘The Taming Of The Shrew’

Shakespeare’s comedy (later adapted into musical form via ‘Kiss Me, Kate’) also brings drama to the table. If it’s an eloquent monologue comprised of old English you’re looking for, put your twist on Katherine’s “Fie, fie, unknit that threat’ning unkind brow…”

Monologue Length: Up to 2:15

“Fie, fie, unknit that threat’ning unkind brow
And dart not scornful glances from those eyes
To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor.
It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads,
Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds,
And in no sense is meet or amiable.
A woman moved is like a fountain troubled,
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty,
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.
Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee
And for thy maintenance; commits his body
To painful labor both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou li’st warm at home, secure and safe;
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks, and true obedience–
Too little payment for so great a debt.”

[Full Monologue HERE]

16. “A reserved lover, it is said, always makes a suspicious husband.” – Kate Hardcastle from ‘She Stoops To Conquer’

Conquer this traditional dramatic monologue at your next audition. It’s spoken by Kate Hardcastle (also known as “Miss Hardcastle), the story’s heroine who yearns for true love.

Monologue Length: 1:45 – 2:00

“A reserved lover, it is said, always makes a suspicious husband. […] He must have more striking features to catch me, I promise you. However, if he be so young, so handsome, and so everything as you mention, I believe he’ll do still. I think I’ll have him. […] Well, if he refuses, instead of breaking my heart at his indifference, I’ll only break my glass for its flattery, set my cap to some newer fashion, and look out for some less difficult admirer. […] Lud, this news of papa’s puts me all in a flutter. Young, handsome; these he put last; but I put them foremost. Sensible, good-natured; I like all that. But then reserved, and sheepish, that’s much against him. Yet can’t he be cured of his timidity, by being taught to be proud of his wife? Yes, and can’t I–But I vow I’m disposing of the husband, before I have secured the lover.”

17. “Oh, my sins….” – Lyuba Ranevsky from ‘The Cherry Orchard’

In Chekhov’s symbolic drama, the role of Lyuba encompasses a richly complex woman who continually attempts to run from her troubles in search of a happier life.

Monologue Length: 1:10 – 1:25

“Oh, my sins…. I’ve always scattered money about without holding myself in, like a madwoman, and I married a man who made nothing but debts. My husband died of champagne—he drank terribly—and to my misfortune, I fell in love with another man and went off with him, and just at that time—it was my first punishment, a blow that hit me right on the head—here, in the river… my boy was drowned, and I went away, quite away, never to return, never to see this river again…I shut my eyes and ran without thinking, but he ran after me… without pity, without respect. I bought a villa near Mentone because he fell ill there, and for three years I knew no rest either by day or night; the sick man wore me out, and my soul dried up. And last year, when they had sold the villa to pay my debts, I went away to Paris, and there he robbed me of all I had and threw me over and went off with another woman. I tried to poison myself…. It was so silly, so shameful…. And suddenly I longed to be back in Russia, my own land, with my little girl…. [Wipes her tears] Lord, Lord be merciful to me, forgive me my sins! Punish me no more! [Takes a telegram out of her pocket] I had this to-day from Paris…. He begs my forgiveness, he implores me to return…. [Tears it up] Don’t I hear music? [Listens.]”

Have a great dramatic monologue to share with other thespians? Comment below…

The post 17 Dramatic Monologues For Women appeared first on Theatre Nerds.

This week, Theatre Nerds is rounding up 40 terms that we think every thespian (as well as their perplexed friends and loved ones) should know. Start studying!

1. BLOCKING – Rather than standing in front of someone so that they can’t get by, ‘blocking’ in the theatre world refers to the exact placement on a stage where an actor needs to be during a scene.

2. CALL TIME – The time in which an actor must be present at the theatre for an audition, rehearsal or show. No phones are involved with this kind of call.

3. COLD READING – Put your tissues away. This simply means to read a script with little to no preparation. No rehearsing for you – you’re going in cold!

via GIPHY

4. CURTAIN CALL – That magical moment after a production when the cast comes out for a bow and applause.

5. DOWNSTAGE – The front of a stage where performers are closest to the audience.

6. DRAMATURGY – A study of the context in which a production takes place. Generally, a bunch of actors (or a person assigned to the role of dramaturg) research a play’s specific era, location, societal beliefs, traditions, etc. to gain a better understanding of the world where the story is set.

7. DRESSER – A stagehand who aids in keeping costumes neat and tidy, as well as helping performers during costume changes. Not to be confused with a piece of furniture.

8. ENCORE – That epic musical number that occurs after audiences have applauded the finale of a show and cast members have given a closing bow.

via GIPHY

9. FOURTH WALL – Sounds like something from the Twilight Zone but is really the conceptual barrier between actor and audience member. Performers that “break the fourth wall” address the audience.

10. FRINGE – Thespian lingo for theatre that is out of the box, avant garde and experimental.

11. FRONT-OF-HOUSE – Areas of a theatre or performing arts venue where the public can be. Antonym: backstage.

12. GHOST LIGHT – A light that stays illuminated on a stage when the auditorium is otherwise unoccupied. Naturally this term was coined by a thespian and therefore super dramatic (and creepy).

13. GOBO – A fancy term for light-based projections that are used during a theatrical production.

14. LOGE – A section of boxed balcony seats located in a theatre.

15. METHOD ACTING – When actors try to achieve complete emotional understanding of their character (i.e., adjusting their lifestyle to align with a role as part of the rehearsal process).

16. OFF BOOK – When actors can finally toss the script aside because they have their lines memorized.

17. OPEN AIR THEATRE – An outdoor theatre.

18. ORCHESTRA – While even non-theatre folks know that the orchestra can refer to live instruments accompanying a show, the term also defines a venue’s main floor seating.

19. PROSCENIUM – The arch or boarder that frames a stage.

20. QUICK CHANGE – A really, really, really, really, really, really fast costume change.

21. RUN THROUGH – When a cast rehearses their entire show from beginning to end.

22. SCRIM – A piece of cloth that’s used as a backdrop on-stage (often lit from behind to create the scene).

23. SITZPROBE – A magical rehearsal where singers and musicians unite to run through musical numbers together.

24. SOLILOQUY – When a character expresses internal thoughts or emotions verbally for the benefit of the audience. Basically, when a character talks to themselves.

25. STAGE DIRECTION – When a play’s text includes instructional movement or gestures.

26. STAGE DOOR – The secret place where theatre nerds fan-girl and get Playbills signed after a show.

via GIPHY

27. STAGE MANAGER – (Noun) A magical device usually fueled by caffeine that brings order to chaos. (We even put it on a shirt.)

28. STAGE MOM – Those super-moms that aid their thespian offspring in line running, costume sewing, prop making, shoe shopping, choreography watching, snack supplying, makeup applying, fundraising and more. (We put that on a shirt also.)

29. STRIKE – When the run of a show is done and everyone involved congregates to destroy the set. Tears are probably shed.

30. SUPERNUMERARIES – While this word reminds us of superheroes, it is the Individuals who are onstage during a show to fill in crowd scenes but aren’t actually actors, singers or dancers. (They may have superpowers as well.)

31. SWING – A thespian ninja who has the ability to jump into multiple roles as an understudy at any given moment.

32. TECHIE – A loving term of endearment for those who make the magic happen offstage (aka theatre technicians who work with lights, props, sets, etc.)

33. THEATRE-IN-THE-ROUND – A theatre with seats surrounding every side of the stage. They are also known as arena stages.

34. THE BARD – What ultra-theatre nerds call William Shakespeare.

35. THRUST STAGE – A stage that “thrusts” into the auditorium; there are seats surrounding three sides.

26. TYPECAST – When you’re just ALWAYS cast in a nerdy role. Or ALWAYS the villain. Or ALWAYS that cool sidekick who owns a hairless cat.

37. UNDERSTUDY – It’s like substitute teaching but one step closer to winning a Tony.

38. UPSTAGE – The back of the stage farthest from the audience.

39. UPSTAGED – This word also refers to that theatre kid who constantly tries to outshine everyone. *Cue Beyoncé’s “Diva”*

via GIPHY

40. WINGS – The area to the sides of the stage where all things important happen: quick changes occur, props await their moment in the sun, and performers enter onstage.

Have a thespian term you want to include? Share it with us in the comments below!

The post 40 Theatre Terms Every Thespian Should Know appeared first on Theatre Nerds.

Impress your casting director with these 17 comedic monologues for men:

1. “I would like to say something your honor…” – Leo Bloom from ‘The Producers’

Chronicling a goofy duo of ‘has been’ Broadway producers, this aptly titled musical is packed with satire and witty dialogue making it a shoo-in for a comedic monologue choice. Take on the role of Leo Bloom, a nerve-wracked accountant who partners up with the bold and scheming Max Bialystock.

Monologue Length: 1:08 – 1:20

“I would like to say something your honor, not on my behalf, but in reference to my partner, Mr. Bialystock….your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Max Bialystock is the most selfish man I ever met in my life…Not only is he liar, and a cheat and a scoundrel, and a crook, who has taken money from little old ladies, he has also talked people into doing things, especially me, that they would never in a thousand years had dreamed of doing. But, your honor, as I understand it the law was created to protect people from being wronged. Your honor, whom has Max Bialystock wronged? I mean, whom has he really hurt? Not me. Not me. I was…. this man…. no one ever called me Leo before. I mean, I know it’s not a big legal point, but even in kindergarten they used to call me Bloom. I never sang a song before. I mean with someone else, I never sang a song with someone else before. This man…. this man… this is a wonderful man. He made me what I am today…he did. And what of the dear ladies? What would their lives have been without Max Bialystock? Max Bialystock, who made them feel young, and attractive, and wanted again. That’s all I have to say.”

2. “Perhaps you think…” – Black Stache from ‘Peter And The Starcatchers’

Do you have a knack for the dark side? Set sail with this fantastical monologue from the Tony Award-winning play, “Peter And The Starcatchers.” Show the audition room that it’s not easy being a villainous pirate – as seen by this lament from the ominous (and slightly silly) Captain Black Stache.

Monologue Length: 45 seconds – 1 minute

“Perchance you think a treasure trunk sans treasure has put my piratical BVDs in a twist? How wrong you are. Yes, I’d hoped to be hip-deep in diamonds, but they’re a poor substitute for what I really crave: a bona fide hero to help me feel whole. For without a hero, what am I? Half a villain; a pirate in part; ruthless, but toothless. And then I saw you, and I thought, “Maybe? Can it be? Is he the one I’ve waited for? Would he, for example, give up something precious for the sake of the daughter he loves?” But alas, he gives up sand. Now, let’s see: hero with treasure, very good. Hero with no treasure…. doable. No hero and a trunk full o’ sand? Not s’much. NOW, WHERE’S MY TREASURE?!?”

(Credit: Elice, Rick. Peter and the Starcatcher Disney Editions, 2014.)

3. “Eliza, you are to stay here…” – Henry Higgins from “My Fair Lady”

This monologue from Professor Henry Higgins sums up ‘My Fair Lady’ in a nutshell. As a stiff and stern educator, Higgins is out to make a lady of the wild and carefree Eliza Dolittle. He states his rules for their lessons in this memorable scene.

Monologue Length: 1:07 – 1:20

“Hmmm. Eliza, you are to stay here for the next six months learning how to speak beautifully, like a lady in a florist shop. If you’re good and do whatever you are told, you shall sleep in a proper bedroom, have lots to eat, and money to buy chocolates and take rides in taxis. But if you are naughty and idle you shall sleep in the back kitchen amongst the black beetles, and be walloped by Mrs. Pearce with a broomstick. At the end of six months you shall be taken to Buckingham Palace in a carriage, beautifully dressed. If the King finds out that you are not a lady, the police will take you to the Tower of London, where your head will be cut off as a warning to other presumptuous flower girls (Eliza looks up at him terrified) But if you are not found out, you shall have a present of seven-and-six to start life with as a lady in a shop. If you refuse this offer you will be a most ungrateful wicked girl, and the angels will weep for you. (Seeing by Eliza’s reaction that she has understood every word he turns to Pickering, his former tone instantly changed to one of good humor) Now are you satisfied, Pickering?”

4. “Juicy as a pomegranate.” – Beverly Carlton from “The Man Who Came To Dinner”

If it’s a bit of dramatic flair you’re looking for, this might be your cup of tea. Enter Beverly Carlton: a playwright and performer with a talent for impressions. In this minute-long monologue, he reenacts an overly theatrical conversation.

Monologue Length: 55 seconds – 1:10

“Juicy as a pomegranate. It is the latest report from London on the winter maneuvers of Miss Lorraine Sheldon against the left flank — in fact, all flanks — of Lord Cedric Bottomley. Listen: “Lorraine has just left us in a cloud of Chanel Number Five. Since September, in her relentless pursuit of His Lordship, she has paused only to change girdles and check her oil. She has chased him, panting, from castle to castle, till he finally took refuge, for several weekends, in the gentleman’s lavatory of the House of Lords. Practically no one is betting on the Derby this year; we are all making book on Lorraine. She is sailing tomorrow on the Normandie, but would return on the Yankee Clipper if Bottomley so much as belches in her direction.” Have you ever met Lord Bottomley, Maggie dear? “Not v-v-very good shooting today, blast it. Only s-s-six partridges, f-f-four grouse, and the D-D-Duke of Sutherland.”

5. “I think lunchtime is about the worst time of day for me.” – Charlie Brown from ‘You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown’

Poor Charlie Brown! Nothing can ever seem to go right. In this scene, a melancholy Charlie discusses why lunchtime is his least favorite part of the day. Nail your audition with an excerpt from this Peanuts-inspired script.

Monologue Length: 2:12 – 2:30

“I think lunchtime is about the worst time of day for me. Always having to sit here alone. Of course, sometimes, mornings aren’t so pleasant either. Waking up and wondering if anyone would really miss me if I never got out of bed. Then there’s the night, too. Lying there and thinking about all the stupid things I’ve done during the day. And all those hours in between when I do all those stupid things. Well, lunchtime is among the worst times of the day for me. Well, I guess I’d better see what I’ve got. Peanut butter. Some psychiatrists say that people who eat peanut butter sandwiches are lonely…I guess they’re right. And when you’re really lonely, the peanut butter sticks to the roof of your mouth. There’s that cute little red-headed girl eating her lunch over there. I wonder what she would do if I went over and asked her if I could sit and have lunch with her?…She’d probably laugh right in my face…it’s hard on a face when it gets laughed in. There’s an empty place next to her on the bench. There’s no reason why I couldn’t just go over and sit there. I could do that right now. All I have to do is stand up…I’m standing up!…I’m sitting down. I’m a coward. I’m so much of a coward, she wouldn’t even think of looking at me. She hardly ever does look at me. In fact, I can’t remember her ever looking at me. Why shouldn’t she look at me? Is there any reason in the world why she shouldn’t look at me? Is she so great, and I’m so small, that she can’t spare one little moment?…SHE’S LOOKING AT ME!! SHE’S LOOKING AT ME!! (he puts his lunchbag over his head.) …Lunchtime is among the worst times of the day for me. If that little red-headed girl is looking at me with this stupid bag over my head she must think I’m the biggest fool alive. But, if she isn’t looking at me, then maybe I could take it off quickly and she’d never notice it. On the other hand…I can’t tell if she’s looking, until I take it off! Then again, if I never take it off I’ll never have to know if she was looking or not. On the other hand…it’s very hard to breathe in here. (he removes his sack) Whew! She’s not looking at me! I wonder why she never looks at me? Oh well, another lunch hour over with…only 2,863 to go.”

6.“Don’t let her bedevil you, gentlemen.” – Finian McLonergan from ‘Finian’s Rainbow’

If you’re opting for a traditional monologue, this snippet from ‘Finian’s Rainbow’ will do the trick. Walk into your audition as Finian himself using this outrageous speech which takes place after the titular character’s daughter is accused of witchcraft.

Monologue Length: 45 seconds – 1 minute

“Don’t let her bedevil you, gentlemen. A witch she is and a witch she’s always been. Who would know better than me, her unhappy father, who found her on me doorstep, left by a fairy in the moonlight. At the age of two, she could talk with the skylarks, and decode the chirping of the crickets. At the age of four, she could blow a rainbow out of a bubble pipe, and then wear her pants out sliding down it. Then, during her adolescence, she took a tragic turn. She began to change whiskey into milk. It was a crisis, a crisis. From then on, one change led to another, and now you are all witnesses to the unhappy climax – she’s changed a white man into a black. (silencing gesture) Quiet, Woody, I’m doing the right thing. Just a minute, gentlemen. Sharon can also change a black man into a white.”

7. “Well either you are closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge…” – Harold Hill from ‘The Music Man’

There may be seventy-six auditionees vying for a role, but only one will be cast! Impress casting directors by embodying the infamous Harold Hill, a traveling salesman who poses as a band director in a small Iowa town.

Monologue Length: 1:25 – 1:40

“Well either you are closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge, or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of a pool table in your community.
Well, you got trouble my friend. Right here, I say, trouble right here in River City. Why sure I’m a billiard player, certainly mighty proud to say, I’m always mighty proud to say it. I consider that the hours I spend with a cue in my hand are golden. Help ya cultivate horse sense, and cool head and a keen eye. Did you ever take and try to give an ironclad leave to yourself from a three rail billiard shot? But just as I say it takes judgement, brains and maturity to score in a balk line game, I say that any boob, can take and shove a ball in a pocket. And I call that sloth, the first big step on the road to the depths of degreda- I say first, medicinal wine from a teaspoon, then beer from a bottle. And the next thing you know your son is playing for money in a pinch back suit and listening to some big out of town jasper here to talk about horse race gamblin’. Not a wholesome trottin race, no, but a race where they sit down right on the horse! Like to see some stuck up jockey boy sitting on Dan-Patch? Make your blood boil? Well, I should say. Now friends, let me tell you what I mean. Ya got one, two, three, four, five, six pockets in a table. Pockets that mark the difference between a gentleman and a bum with a capital B and that rhymes with P and that stands for pool.”

8. “O, she misused me past the endurance of a block!” – Benedick from ‘Much Ado About Nothing’

Shakespearean dialogue has long been a popular monologue choice – and with good reason! These words, spoken by the role of Benedick, is a great choice if you’re looking to find a monologue that showcases old English and can be performed in approximately one minute.

Monologue Length: 1:05 – 1:15

“O, she misused me past the endurance of a block! An oak but with one green leaf on it would have answered her; my very visor began to assume life and scold with her. She told me, not thinking I had been myself, that I was the Prince’s jester, that I was duller than a great thaw; huddling jest upon jest with such impossible conveyance upon me that I stood like a man at a mark, with a whole army shooting at me. She speaks poniards, and every word stabs. If her breath were as terrible as her terminations, there were no living near her; she would infect the North Star. I would not marry her though she were endowed with all that Adam had left him before he transgressed. She would have made Hercules have turned spit, yea, and have cleft his club to make the fire too. Come, talk not of her. You shall find her the infernal Ate in good apparel. I would to God some scholar would conjure her, for certainly, while she is here, a man may live as quiet in hell as in a sanctuary; and people sin upon purpose, because they would go thither; so indeed all disquiet, horror, and perturbation follows her.”

9. “And I, forsooth, in love!” – Berowne from ‘Love’s Labour’s Lost’

This particular Shakespearean declaration of love is a tad dramatic (and can be a fun monologue when auditioning for a comedic role!) Berowne, a former cynic when it comes to romance, unexpectedly falls for a beautiful girl; this new revelation sparks the words below…

Monologue Length: 1:20 – 1:45

“And I, forsooth, in love!
I, that have been love’s whip,
A very beadle to a humorous sigh,
A critic, nay, a night-watch constable,
A domineering pedant o’er the boy,
Than whom no mortal so magnificent.
This wimpled, whining, purblind, wayward boy,
This signor-junior, giant-dwarf, Dan Cupid,
Regent of love-rimes, lord of folded arms,
The anointed sovereign of sighs and groans,
Liege of all loiterers and malcontents,
Dread prince of plackets, king of codpieces,
Sole imperator and great general
Of trotting paritors — O my little heart!
And I to be a corporal of his field,
And wear his colors like a tumbler’s hoop!
What? I love, I sue, I seek a wife!
A woman that is like a German clock,
Still a-repairing, ever out of frame,
And never going aright, being a watch,
But being watched that it may still go right!
Nay, to be perjured, which is worst of all;
And, among three, to love the worst of all;
A whitely wanton with a velvet brow,
With two pitch balls stuck in her face for eyes.
Ay, and, by heaven, one that will do the deed,
Though Argus were her eunuch and her guard.
And I to sigh for her, to watch for her,
To pray for her! Go to, it is a plague
That Cupid will impose for my neglect
Of his almighty dreadful little might.
Well, I will love, write, sigh, pray, sue, groan:
Some men must love my lady, and some Joan.”

10. “Well, kiddies, that’s what happened to Tommy today.” – Jeff Douglas from ‘Brigadoon’

Pack your bags and take a trip to Brigadoon with this monologue. Lerner and Lowe’s beloved show follows two friends who stumble upon a mystic town that appears once every 100 years (ooh! aah!)

Monologue Length: 1:30 – 1:45

“Well, kiddies, that’s what happened to Tommy today. But, what about his friend Jeff? Well, he had fun too. Tonight he went running off through the woods after some highland hot-head who was gonna make all the people disappear by crossing the wrong street. Well after a while, Jeff thought he saw a bird perched low in a tree, and he shot at it. Something fell to the ground. He rushed over to it, and whaddya think it was? It was hot-head Harry. Yessir, the boy Dermish himself, lying there looking all dead….Now to kill somebody somewhere else in the world would’ve been an awful thing, but you see, Harry was a citizen of the little town that wasn’t there, and he probably never lived in the first place. Chances are there weren’t even any woods. In fact the whole day probably never even happened, because you see, this is a fairy tale…(angry) Dream stuff, boy, all made up outta broomsticks and wishing wells! It’s either that or a boot camp for lunatics, I don’t know what goes on around here. All I know is that whatever it is, it’s got nothing to do with me and nothing to do with you! And anything that happens to either of us just doesn’t count! How can it when you don’t understand it? And you wanna give up your family, your friends, your whole life for this? It’s not even worth arguing about. Now go say goodbye to the little people and thank them for the picnic!…You’re confused aren’t ya boy? You know, if you believed as much as you think you do, you wouldn’t be.”

11. “Okay. Now here it comes.” – Man In Chair from ‘The Drowsy Chaperone’

Over the years, the nameless Man In Chair has been played by many well-known actors. Now it’s your time to shine with this iconic monologue from “The Drowsy Chaperone.”

Monologue Length: 1:18 – 1:30

“Okay. Now here it comes. The moment I was talking about […] a moment that has fascinated me more than any other and that has brought me back to this record again and again. Here it comes. (Pause). You can’t quite make out what she says because someone drops a cane. Is she saying “live while you can,” or “leave while you can”? And that’s exactly what you think when you’re standing at the altar, isn’t it, “Live” or “Leave” and you have to live. [… … …] So, one day […] you say “I love you” and you basically phrase it as a question, but they accept it as fact and then suddenly there she is standing in front of you in a three thousand dollar dress with tears in her eyes, and her nephew made the huppah, so what do you do? […] You choose to live. And for a couple of months you stare at the alien form in the bed beside you and you think to yourself “Who are you? Who are you?” And one day you say it out loud…then it’s a trial separation and couples counseling and all your conversations are about her eating disorder and your Zoloft addiction, […] and the whole “relationship” ends on a particularly ugly note with your only copy of Gypsy spinning through the air and smashing against the living room wall. But still, in the larger sense, in a broader sense, it’s better to have lived than left, right?”

12.“I’m sorry to have to say it to your face, Lucy, but it’s true.” – Schroeder from ‘You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown’

If this were a ‘Friends’ episode, this monologue would be called ‘the one where Schroeder calls out Lucy for being crabby. This humorous confrontation is a light-hearted pick especially if you’re auditioning for the role of a young character.

Monologue Length: 40 seconds – 1 minute

“I’m sorry to have to say it to your face, Lucy, but it’s true. You’re a very crabby person. I know your crabbiness has probably become so natural to you now that you’re not even aware when you’re being crabby, but it’s true just the same. You’re a very crabby person and you’re crabby to just about everyone you meet. Now I hope you don’t mind my saying this, Lucy, and I hope you’re take it in the spirit that it’s meant. I think we should be very open to any opportunity to learn more about ourselves. I think Socrates was very right when he said that one of the first rules for anyone in life is ‘Know Thyself’. Well, I guess I’ve said about enough. I hope I haven’t offended you or anything.”

13. “It pains me very much to have to speak frankly to you, Lady Bracknell…” – Jack from ‘The Importance of Being Earnest’

This classic work by Oscar Wilde is best known for its cleverness and wit. While much of the text comes across as prim and proper, the play is a farce commenting on social hierarchies and traditions of the upper class.

Monologue Length: 1:05 – 1:15

“It pains me very much to have to speak frankly to you, Lady Bracknell, about your nephew, but the fact is that I do not approve at all of his moral character. I suspect him of being untruthful. I fear there can be no possible doubt about the matter. This afternoon during my temporary absence in London on an important question of romance, he obtained admission to my house by means of the false pretence of being my brother. Under an assumed name he drank, I’ve just been informed by my butler, an entire pint bottle of my Perrier-Jouet, Brut, ’89; wine I was specially reserving for myself. Continuing his disgraceful deception, he succeeded in the course of the afternoon in alienating the affections of my only ward. He subsequently stayed to tea, and devoured every single muffin. And what makes his conduct all the more heartless is, that he was perfectly well aware from the first that I have no brother, that I never had a brother, and that I don’t intend to have a brother, not even of any kind. I distinctly told him so myself yesterday afternoon.”

14. “Medium” Monologue by Joseph Arnone

In this contemporary piece, Derek might have a bit of a “Napoleon complex.” Put your unique spin on his character with this unique monologue (available on monologueblogger.com) if you’re looking for something new and modern.

Monologue Length: 1:30 – 1:45

DEREK: “I’m a medium. Why do you keep asking me if I’m a small? Do I look like a hobbit to you? I have wide shoulders. (standing up from his seat) Look. Look at me. See how my shoulders are wide and then as you go down it starts to V, that’s because I have wide shoulders, alright?

(beat)

I know the last shirt you got me was a small and still looked big on me. That’s because it was made that way. That’s the design of how that company makes that style shirt. There are other companies I can get in a large, like that coat you made fun of me in, that was the style, a little baggy…well, actually, yeah, you’re right about the coat. It was too big. Why did I buy a coat so big??

(beat)

Honey, do I suffer from a slight case of Napoleon disease? Not like a big case but like a small case…you think? Well, my height is 5’11 so I’m no Napoleon. What? I am 5’11! I’m not 5’9. Listen, when we measured last time it was in an old house with crooked flooring, alright? Your mother’s floor is still the original from 1910. It’s all lopsided. Everyone’s height fluctuates in that house depending on where they’re standing. Your Uncle Tobey, who’s 2’2 was staring down at me in the kitchen and then in the living room he was at my knees. Come on, that’s not fair. I’m no smaller than 5’10, that I’m one hundred percent sure about. On my life, I swear on my life about that and that’s still a good height for a guy so I’m not complaining. I’ll give you the inch.

But please, most shirts fit me as a medium, so order me a medium.”

15. “God, Gloria, how I always loved this!” – Leo from ‘At Long Last Leo’

This play touches on human nature, family dynamics and the promise of a better life. Leo is addicted to thinking, hoping and changing which can be seen in this excerpt from ‘At Long Last Leo.’

Monologue Length: 1:05 – 1:15

“God, Gloria, how I always loved this! (sits on the ground) Being out back at night, looking up at the sky. It always made me think about what an extraordinary tourist attraction the world is. About all the famous people who’ve lived here, and all the incredible events that have happened right here on this planet. Sometimes, you know what I think about? I think about all the incredible events that have happened that history never knew about. I mean it is unbelievable some of the things that must have happened that, for one reason or another, we don’t know about. Sometimes, I think about all the amazing coincidences that have happened that you hear about. And then I think about all the amazing coincidences that almost happened, but didn’t…because one guy went down the canned food aisle just as the other one went down the baking goods aisle. I can feel this planet, Gloria. I swear I can actually feel this planet hurtling through space. Fast. Much faster than we realize. (then) Know what else I think about that’s weird? What if it turns out I really am the next Moses? Can you imagine? What if I really am?”

16. “You know why men are constantly fighting instead of working together to survive?” – Barry from ‘Dreams In Captivity’

It’s a man’s world in this short monologue from Gabriel Davis’ ‘Dreams In Captivity.’ Find your distinct inspiration for Barry, a Lazy Boy salesman who has a thing or two to say.

Monologue Length: 40 seconds – 1 minute

“You know why men are constantly fighting instead of working together to survive? Simple. Man is mainly motivated to sit on his ass. Our greatest inventors are busy right now finding more ways for us to sit on our ass better. And when they make it, men will kill to sit on it. Wars will happen because every man wants the best Lazy Boy Recliner in the galaxy. AND I SELL IT. I sell a deluxe Lazy Boy outfitted with massagers, heating pads, a cooling unit for drinks – it’s the closest experience of comfort a man can get on earth short of climbing back through his mother’s hoo-ha into the womb. If it’s a choice between that and helping you colonize space? No contest.”

17. “If music be the food of love, play on.” – Orsino from ‘Twelfth Night’

All the world’s a stage and, therefore, we must end our collection with another monologue by Shakespeare. Orsino, a powerful nobleman, is the definition of lovesick. Command the audition room with this hilarious declaration of love.

Monologue Length: 40 seconds – 1 minute

“If music be the food of love, play on; Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting, The appetite may sicken, and so die. That strain again! it had a dying fall: O, it came o’er my ear like the sweet sound, That breathes upon a bank of violets, Stealing and giving odour! Enough; no more: ‘Tis not so sweet now as it was before. O spirit of love! how quick and fresh art thou, That, notwithstanding thy capacity Receiveth as the sea, nought enters there, Of what validity and pitch soe’er, But falls into abatement and low price, Even in a minute: so full of shapes is fancy That it alone is high fantastical.”

Have a great comedic monologue to share with other actors? Comment below…

The post 17 Comedic Monologues For Men appeared first on Theatre Nerds.

Next time you’re looking to slay an audition with a funny monologue (YAS, QUEEN!), peruse this diverse collection.

Here are 17 great comedic monologues for women:

1. “So, the day after I turned 18…” – Val Clarke from ‘A Chorus Line’

Chances are, you and Val have at least one thing in common: you’re familiar with the trials and tribulations of auditioning. This witty monologue, from the acclaimed musical, ‘A Chorus Line,’ denotes one dancer’s darkly comedic journey to the Broadway stage.

Monologue Length: 2:10 – 2:30

“So, the day after I turned 18, I kissed the folks goodbye, got on a Trailways bus – and headed for the big bad apple. Cause I wanted to be a Rockette. Oh, yeah, let’s get one thing straight. See, I never heard about “The Red Shoes,” I never saw “The Red Shoes,” I didn’t give a fu** about “The Red Shoes.” I decided to be a Rockette because this girl in my home town – Louella Heiner – had actually gotten out and made it in New York. And she was a Rockette. Well, she came home one Christmas to visit, and they gave her a parade. A goddamn parade! I twirled a friggin’ baton for two hours in the rain. Unfortunately though, she got knocked up over Christmas. Merry Christmas – and never made it back to Radio City. That was my plan. New York, New York. Except I had one minor problem. See, I was ugly as sin. I was ugly, skinny, homely, unattractive and flat as a pancake. Get the picture? Anyway, I got off this bus in my little white shoes, my little white tights, little white dress, my little ugly face, and my long blonde hair – which was natural then. I looked like a fucking nurse! I had 87 dollars in my pocket and seven years of tap and acrobatics. I could do a hundred and eighty degree split and come up tapping the Morse Code. Well, with that kind of talent I figured the Mayor would be waiting for me at Port Authority. Wrong! I had to wait 6 months for an audition. Well, finally the big day came. I showed up at the Music Hall with my red patent leather tap shoes. And I did my little tap routine. And this man said to me: Can you do fankicks? – Well, sure I could do terrific fankicks. But they weren’t good enough. Of course, what he was trying to tell me was…it was the way I looked, not the fankicks. So I said: Fuck you, Radio City and the Rockettes! I’m gonna make on Broadway!

Well, Broadway, same story. Every audition. I mean I’d dance rings around the other girls and find myself in the alley with the other rejects. But after a while I caught on. I mean I had eyes. I saw what they were hiring. I also swiped my dance card once after an audition. And on a scale of 10….they gave me for dance 10. For looks: 3.”

2. “I can’t open sardines and answer the phone…” – Dotty Otley from ‘Noises Off’

Who doesn’t love an audition where you’re playing a character auditioning to play a character? This play-within-a-play features Dotty Otley, a washed-up actress who has a flare for the dramatics. Dotty is not only a principal investor in the play’s production but cherishes the role of Mrs. Clackett, a gossipy housekeeper.

Monologue Length: 1:10 – 1:25

“It’s no good you going on. I can’t open sardines and answer the phone. I’ve only got one pair of feet. Hello…. Yes, but there’s no one here, love…. No, Mr. Brent’s not here…He lives here, yes, but he don’t live here now because he lives in Spain… Mr. Philip Brent, that’s right…. The one who writes the plays, that’s him, only now he writes them in Spain… No, she’s in Spain, too, they’re all in Spain, there’s no one here… Am I in Spain? No, I’m not in Spain, dear. I look after the house for him, but I go home at one o’clock on Wednesday, only I’ve got a nice plate of sardines to put my feet up with, because it’s the royal what’s-it’s called on the telly — the royal you know — where’s the paper, then? And if it’s to do with letting the house then you’ll have to ring the house-agents, because they’re the agents for the house…. Squire Squire, Hackham and who’s the other one…? No, they’re not in Spain, they’re next to the phone in the study. Squire, Squire, Hackham, and hold on, I’ll go and look. Always the same, isn’t it. Soon as you take the weight off your feet, down it all comes on your head.”

3. “I sighted a herd near Penguin’s Creek” – Lady Mary from ‘The Admirable Crichton’

If it’s traveling back in time you like, choose the words of Lady Mary Lasenby, daughter of an English lord who is stuck on a deserted island with fellow aristocrats. Derived from a play by James M. Barrie (creator of ‘Peter Pan’), this challenging monologue proves a unique pick.

Monologue Length: 45 seconds – 1 minute

“I sighted a herd near Penguin’s Creek, but had to creep round Silver Lake to get to windward of them. However, they spotted me and then the fun began. There was nothing for it but to try and run them down, so I singled out a fat buck and away we went down the shore of the lake, up the valley of rolling stones; he doubled into Brawling River and took to the water, but I swam after him; the river is only half a mile broad there, but it runs strong. He went spinning down the rapids, down I went in pursuit; he clambered ashore, I clambered ashore; away we tore helter-skelter up the hill and down again. I lost him in the marshes, got on his track again near Bread Fruit Wood, and brought him down with an arrow in Firefly Grove.”

4. “[Let me] tell you again, Grace, how important it is to give everyone a chance.” – Mrs. Armstrong from ‘The Best Christmas Pageant Ever’

Enter Mrs. Armstrong: veteran Christmas pageant director dedicated to ensuring one church’s amateur stage adaptation of the story of Jesus’ birth does the Bible justice. Tackle her hilarious lecture, and you’re sure to bring a little holiday cheer to the room.

Monologue Length: 1:15-1:30

“[Let me]tell you again, Grace, how important it is to give everyone a chance. Here’s what I do — I always start with Mary and tell them we must choose our Mary carefully because Mary was the mother of Jesus… Yes, and then I tell them about Joseph, that he was God’s choice to be Jesus’ father. That’s how I explain that. Frankly, I don’t ever spend much time on Joseph because it’s always Elmer Hopkins, and he knows all about Mary and Joseph, but I do explain about the Wise Men and the shepherds and how important they are. And I tell them, there are no small parts, only small actors. Remind the angel choir not to stare at the audience, and don’t let them wear earrings and things like that. And don’t let them wear clunky shoes or high heels. I just hope you don’t have too many baby angels, Grace, because they’ll be your biggest problem. You’ll have to get someone to push the baby angels on, otherwise they get in each other’s way and bend their wings. Bob could do that, and he could keep an eye on the shepherds too. Oh, another thing about the angel choir. Don’t let them wear lipstick. They think because it’s a play that they have to wear lipstick, and it looks terrible. So tell them…. And, Grace, don’t use just anybody’s baby for Jesus… get a quiet one. Better yet, get two if you can… then if one turns out to be fussy, you can always switch them.”

5. “I got a ‘C’ on my coathanger sculpture?” – Sally Brown from ‘You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown’

Charlie Brown and friends may be a mere bunch of kids, but the beauty of the hit musical, “You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown” is that a cast of adult actors brings this motley crew to life. Poor Sally garners an average ‘C’ grade for a school sculpture, and she has a thing or two to say about it…

Monologue Length: 1 Minute

“A ‘C’? A ‘C’? I got a ‘C’ on my coathanger sculpture? How could anyone get a ‘C’ in coathanger sculpture? May I ask a question? Was I judged on the piece of sculpture itself? If so, is it not true that time alone can judge a work of art? Or was I judged on my talent? If so, is it fair that I be judged on a part of my life over which I have no control? If I was judged on my effort, then I was judged unfairly, for I tried as hard as I could! Was I judged on what I had learned about this project? If so, then were not you, my teacher, also being judged on your ability to transmit your knowledge to me? Are you willing to share my ‘C’? Perhaps I was being judged on the quality of coathanger itself out of which my creation was made…now is this not also unfair? Am I to be judged by the quality of coat hangers that are used by the drycleaning establishment that returns our garments? Is that not the responsibility of my parents? Should they not share my ‘C’?”

6. “Do you know what I intend?” – Lucy Van Pelt from ‘You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown’

If it’s another member of Charlie Brown’s gang that strikes your fancy (or if you have a knack for dishing severe sass), check out this infamous declaration by the incomparable Lucy Van Pelt. Spoiler alert: she intends to be a QUEEN!

Monologue Length: 1 Minute

“Do you know what I intend? I intend to be a queen. When I grow up I’m going to be the biggest queen there ever was, and I’ll live in a big palace and when I go out in my coach, all the people will wave and I will shout at them, and…and…in the summertime I will go to my summer palace and I’ll wear my crown in swimming and everything, and all the people will cheer and I will shout at them… What do you mean I can’t be queen? Nobody should be kept from being a queen if she wants to be one. It’s usually just a matter of knowing the right people.. ..well…. if I can’t be a queen, then I’ll be very rich then I will buy myself a queendom. Yes, I will buy myself a queendom and then I’ll kick out the old queen and take over the whole operation myself. I will be head queen.”

7. “I’m sorry, but a good HALF of the United States hates pigeons.” – Janet from ‘The West Wing’

Jenny Kirlin’s short play offers plenty of witty political humor. If you’re in need of a shorter monologue, consider reading this snippet of theatre that features a great opening line (we do hate pigeons!)

Monologue Length: 30 Seconds

“I’m sorry, but a good HALF of the United States hates pigeons. One third shoots them for game. I’m not the only bad guy here. You would have voted for an elephant if it had told you it could fix the economy. Which, by the way, is still not fixed. A giant goose egg. […] I’m sorry if I am offending you, but I find it more than a little offensive that I just walked my daughter past a portrait of a pigeon in the National Art Gallery before I came here.”

8. “Well nothing’s perfect Benjamin” – Elaine Robinson from ‘The Graduate’

If you’re a film buff as well as a theatre nerd, you may enjoy reading from the stage version of cult-classic blockbuster, ‘The Graduate.’ Your part? Elaine Robinson, daughter of Mrs. Robinson (*cue Simon & Garfunkel*).

Monologue Length: 1 Minute

“Well nothing’s perfect Benjamin. I wish my mother didn’t drink so much. I wish I’d never fallen out of that tree and broken my thumb because it so affects my fingering I’ll probably never play the violin as well as I’d love to but that’s about it for the bullshit, Benjamin. It’s only bullshit if you let it pile up. Heaven’s in the details. Someone said that. I think Robert Frost said that. I was in this diner with my roommate Diane? And this guy came along with a goat on a rope and it turns out the reason he’s got a little goat on a rope is that he was thrown out the day before for bringing in his dog? But the point is that Diane had stood up to leave when she saw the man walk in and she sat straight down again and said, well if there’s a goat I think I’ll have dessert. And that’s why I love Diane, because if you think like that you not only notice more little goats, you get more dessert.”

9. “O, I am out of breath in this fond chase!” – Helena from ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’

Are your acting chops shown best when getting in tune with old-school theatre? A Shakespeare monologue can do no wrong. Fortunately, The Bard did auditionees the favor of writing comedies and tragedies; and “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” is one of his most beloved comedic plays. To read Helena’s monologue or not to read Helena’s monologue, that is the question…

Monologue Length: 45 Seconds

“O, I am out of breath in this fond chase!
The more my prayer, the lesser is my grace.
Happy is Hermia, wheresoe’er she lies;
For she hath blessed and attractive eyes. 
How came her eyes so bright? Not with salt tears:
If so, my eyes are oftener wash’d than hers.
No, no, I am as ugly as a bear;
For beasts that meet me run away for fear:
Therefore no marvel though Demetrius 
Do, as a monster fly my presence thus.
What wicked and dissembling glass of mine
Made me compare with Hermia’s sphery eyne?
But who is here? Lysander! on the ground!
Dead? or asleep? I see no blood, no wound.
Lysander if you live, good sir, awake”

10. “And why, I pray you?” – Rosalind from ‘As You Like It’

We’ve another Shakespearean gem for you: Cue Rosalind, the smart, cunning and beautiful heroine of ‘As You Like It.’ Yes, this comedic piece also has a dramatic flair to it but the text lends itself to some witty interpretations.

Monologue Length: 1:20-1:30

“And why, I pray you? Who might be your mother,
That you insult, exult, and all at once,
Over the wretched? What though you have no beauty,–
As by my faith, I see no more in you
Than without candle may go dark to bed,–
Must you be therefore proud and pitiless?
Why, what means this? Why do you look on me?
I see no more in you than in the ordinary
Of nature’s sale-work. Od’s my little life!
I think she means to tangle my eyes too.
No, faith, proud mistress, hope not after it:
‘Tis not your inky brows, your black silk hair,
Your bugle eyeballs, nor your cheek of cream,
That can entame my spirits to your worship.
You foolish shepherd, wherefore do you follow her,
Like foggy south puffing with wind and rain?
You are a thousand times a properer man
Than she a woman: ‘tis such fools as you
That make the world full of ill-favour’d children:
‘Tis not her glass, but you, that flatters her;
And out of you she sees herself more proper
Than any of her lineaments can show her.
But, mistress, know yourself: down on your knees,
And thank heaven, fasting, for a good man’s love:
For I must tell you friendly in your ear,
Sell when you can; you are not for all markets.
Cry the man mercy; love him; take his offer:
Foul is most foul, being foul to be a scoffer.
So take her to thee, shepherd. Fare you well.”

11. “I don’t know what it is with me lately but I just get so UGH!” – Kim from ‘Rather Be A Man’

Joseph Arnone’s one-act play, ‘Rather Be A Man’ chronicles two girls who are totally done with men being men. The e-play (available for download on MonologueBlogger.com) features a dark-clever reading into the mind of modern women.

Monologue Length: 1:05-1:15

KIM: “I don’t know what it is with me lately but I just get so UGH! when guys come up to me, with their cheesy lines, (imitating guy) “Hey, you have such a beautiful smile” or “Can I just tell you that you are so beautiful”.  Ugh!  It disgusts me.  I mean, who the hell does this guy or that guy think he is to give me such compliments?  What gives him the right?  I don’t do anything to give off any kind of interest whatsoever, I completely look the other way when I see eye contact happening and they STILL come over thinking they’re so suave and it’s simply repulsive.  You know what I’m saying??

What does a girl have to do these days?  Maybe if I just vomited on myself the guy would walk the other way but I bet even then, I’d get, “The way you vomit on yourself is just so, so delightful.”

…All I want is to be left alone.  I have a man, I love my man and I do my best to be polite but the irritation and the cheesy lines are getting to be too much.  Guys are blind, they really are, OBLIVIOUS to when a girl is not interested.  There are days when I rather be a man.”

12. ‘Don’t Look At Me’ monologue by Joseph Arnone

This monologue brings to life the high-power attitude of one high-powered fashion designer. If it’s Meryl Streep in ‘Devil Wears Prada’ that acts as your creative muse, take a look at this monologue and add your own personality to this major diva supreme.

Monologue Length: 45 Seconds -1:00

Elmira: “Don’t look at me.  (points) You.  Eh, eh, eh…when I address you, do not look at me.  No eye contact.  Is that understood?  Look away.  (beat)  Okay, look at me now.  (snaps her fingers) I told you not to look at me.  Even if I tell you to look at me, do not look at me. Understood?  Good, good darling.

(she removes her gloves and hands them to her assistant)

Oh!  I have something in my eye, can you help me?  (pointing) Looking, looking, looking!  NO looking under all circumstances.

You must raise up that attention span of yours.  A fish could retain more darling.  That is true.  I have read it.  Less attention span than a fish.

Do not let that be you darling.”

13. “Something I’ve resurrected from that old trunk!” – Amanda Wingfield from ‘The Glass Menagerie’

Own the audition room with some Tennessee Williams as you portray Amanda Wingfield, one of the most well-known roles in ‘The Glass Menagerie.’ Though chock full of drama, there are bits of comedic relief throughout the award-winning play. This monologue is spoken by Amanda, an aging and overbearing mother.

Monologue Length: 2 Minutes

“Possess your soul in patience – you will see!

Something I’ve resurrected from that old trunk! Styles haven’t changed so terribly much after all.

[She parts the portières.]

Now just look at your mother !

[She wears a girlish frock of yellowed voile with a blue silk sash. She carries a bunch of jonquils – the legend of her youth is nearly revived.]

[Feverishly]: This is the dress in which I led the cotillion, won the cakewalk twice at Sunset Hill, wore one spring to the Governor’s ball in Jackson ! See how I sashayed around the ballroom, Laura?

[She raises her skirt and does a mincing step around the room.] I wore it on Sundays for my gentlemen callers ! I had it on the day I met your father. I had malaria fever all that spring. The change of climate from East Tennessee to the Delta – weakened resistance I had a little temperature all the time – not enough to be serious – just enough to make me restless and giddy. Invitations poured in – parties all over the Delta! – ‘Stay in bed,’ said mother, ‘you have fever!’ – but I just wouldn’t. – I took quinine but kept on going, going ! Evenings, dances ! – Afternoons, long, long rides! Picnics. – lovely! – So lovely, that country in May. – All lacy with dogwood, literally flooded with jonquils! – That was the spring I had the craze for jonquils. Jonquils became an absolute obsession. Mother said, ‘Honey, there’s no more room for jonquils.’ And still I kept on bringing in more jonquils. Whenever, wherever I saw them, I’d say, “Stop ! Stop! I see jonquils ! I made the young men help me gather the jonquils ! It was a joke, Amanda and her jonquils ! Finally there were no more vases to hold them, every available space was filled with jonquils. No vases to hold them? All right, I’ll hold them myself – And then I – [She stops in front of the picture.] met your father ! Malaria fever and jonquils and then – this – boy…. [She switches on the rose-coloured lamp.] I hope they get here before it starts to rain.”

14. ‘Ferret Envy’ monologue by Tara Meddaugh

Ferret murderers and unconventional pets run amok in this monologue by playwright Tara Meddaugh. Maybe you’re looking to read something that reflects your unique, one-of-a-kind sense of humor. We think this bizarrely wild scenario might do just the trick.

Monologue Length: 2 Minutes

Jyoti: “I know you think I murdered your ferret, but—hey, stop crying. You’re gonna make me cry too. And you (starts crying)—know—happens—when—we—both—start—oh! I’m doing it too now…Okay. Okay. What would Zena do? Julia, your ferret ran away. He did. I know you don’t want to believe me, but I know this, because…well, I saw him. And I was wearing my glasses, so I had 20/20. Or 20/30. I need a new prescription. But I could still see it was Foozu, and he was wearing the yellow rain slicker, not the winter coat you tie dyed for him, so I think he was headed for Seattle. And, I don’t think we should go after him, Julia. That Payless box wasn’t big enough; you always forgot to feed him, and when you did, it was usually just pebbles and sticks—and I really don’t think ferrets can live on that. Seattle has a lot more to offer Foozu. Food, drinks, warm shelter, intellectual stimulation, perpetual contentment. He deserves that, don’t you think? I, I know coming in and seeing me with the knife over Foozu’s box makes it look rather strange. But. . . Well. . . You miss him, don’t you? (pause) I could be your ferret. Don’t dismiss it right away. I’d be a good pet. I like to curl up in small places and I don’t mind rocks and sticks. You could knit me a winter coat, and you don’t even have to tie dye it if you don’t want to. That’s okay with me. Is that okay with you? I’m gonna just rinse this knife off and throw this little bag away, and then I’ll curl up in my box. I found a new one—a size 11! I’ll wait for you there and you can throw me a ball, okay? Unless, you don’t want me to be your ferret. You don’t need to back away from me. . . Don’t you want me here anymore? If I’m not here, who’s going to sing to you? I know the entire soundtrack to Sleepless In—don’t be scared—I’ll—but I don’t know where I’m supposed to go, Julia. (pause) I could follow Foozu. I could—I could go to Seattle. . . . I’ll follow Foozu. But Julia, when I go, you’ll have to clean off the knife again—I won’t be able to do it. . . . I don’t have a yellow slicker.”

15. “Brothers and sisters, resist the Devil…” – Sarah Brown from ‘Guys and Dolls’

Step up onto your soapbox and dive into the role of Sarah Brown. In a buzzing New York City, Sarah is set on bringing truth to sinners. This lively monologue is one of the most memorable from this Tony Award-winning musical.

Monologue Length: 45 Seconds – 1 Minute

“Brothers and sisters, resist the Devil and he will flee from you. That is what the Bible tells us. And that is why I am standing here, in the Devil’s own city, on the Devil’s own street, prepared to do battle with the forces of evil. Hear me, you gamblers! With your dice, your cards, your horses! Pause and think before it is too late! You are in great danger! I am not speaking of the prison and the gallows, but of the greater punishment that awaits you! Repent before it is too late!

Just around the corner is out little mission where you are always welcome to seek refuge from this jungle of sin. Come here and talk to me. Do not think of me as Sergeant Sarah Brown, but as Sarah Brown, your sister. Join me, Brothers and Sisters, in resisting the Devil, and we can put him to flight forever.”

16. “Oh! It is strange…” – Gwendolen Fairfax from ‘The Importance of Being Earnest’

Oscar Wilde’s classic work is fully titled, ‘The Importance of Being Earnest, A Trivial Comedy for Serious People.’ It’s incomparable wit and wordplay is perfect monologue content as can be seen by these words from leading lady Gwendolen Fairfax:

Monologue Length: 1:05 – 1:15

“Oh! It is strange he never mentioned to me that he had a ward. How secretive of him! He grows more interesting hourly. I am not sure, however, that the news inspires me with feelings of unmixed delight. [Rising and going to her.] I am very fond of you, Cecily; I have liked you ever since I met you! But I am bound to state that now that I know that you are Mr. Worthing’s ward, I cannot help expressing a wish you were—well, just a little older than you seem to be—and not quite so very alluring in appearance. In fact, if I may speak candidly— […] Well, to speak with perfect candour, Cecily, I wish that you were fully forty-two, and more than usually plain for your age. Ernest has a strong upright nature. He is the very soul of truth and honour. Disloyalty would be as impossible to him as deception. But even men of the noblest possible moral character are extremely susceptible to the influence of the physical charms of others. Modern, no less than Ancient History, supplies us with many most painful examples of what I refer to. If it were not so, indeed, History would be quite unreadable.”

17. “My aunt died of influenza, so they said.” – Eliza Doolittle from ‘My Fair Lady

Take on one of the most beloved characters of all time (and on Broadway currently). Quirky and lovable, this Eliza Doolittle monologue is an excellent pick for any woman who knows that the rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain!

Monologue Length: 55 Seconds – 1 Minute

“My aunt died of influenza, so they said. But it’s my belief they done the old woman in. Yes Lord love you! Why should she die of influenza when she come through diphtheria right enough the year before? Fairly blue with it she was. They all thought she was dead. But my father, he kept ladling gin down her throat. Then she come to so sudden that she bit the bowl off the spoon. Now, what would you call a woman with that strength in her have to die of influenza, and what become of her new straw hat that should have come to me? Somebody pinched it, and what I say is, them that pinched it, done her in. Them she lived with would have killed her for a hatpin, let alone a hat. And as for father ladling the gin down her throat, it wouldn’t have killed her. Not her. Gin was as mother’s milk to her. Besides, he’s poured so much down his own throat that he knew the good of it.”

You Might Like: 8 Strong Female Monologues From Shakespeare

Have a great comedic monologue to share with other women? Comment below…

Research credit to stageagent.com , monologueblogger.com 

The post 17 Comedic Monologues For Women appeared first on Theatre Nerds.

Here are 53 great audition songs for tenors:

1. One Track Mind from Sweet Smell of Success

Range : E4-A5

Style : Uptempo Swing (Contemporary)

Mood : Showstopper, Flamboyant

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2. Love To Me from The Light In the Piazza

Range : D4-F#5

Style : Ballad (Contemporary)

Mood : Romantic, Passionate, Re-assuring

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3. Beethoven Day from You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown

Range : D4-Ab5

Style : Uptempo (Contemporary)

Mood : Soulful, Energetic, Charismatic

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4. Saturn Returns from Myths and Hymns

Range : C3-Bb4

Style : Ballad (Contemporary)

Mood : Soulful, Tragic, Heartbroken

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5. Many Moons Ago from Once Upon A Mattress

Range : D3-G#4

Style : Ballad (Golden Age)

Mood : Romantic, Story-Telling, Inviting

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6. One More Beautiful Song from A Class Act

Range : C4-F5

Style : Ballad (Contemporary)

Mood : Inspired, Futuristic, Intimate

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7. She Was There from The Scarlet Pimpernel

Range : C#4-G#5

Style : Ballad (Pop Opera)

Mood : Romantic, Nostalgic, Introspective

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8.Where In the World from The Secret Garden

Range : F4-Ab5

Style : Uptempo (Pop Opera)

Mood : Anxious, Desperate, Afraid

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9. Prayer of the Comfort Counselor from The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

Range : E4-B5

Style : Uptempo (Contemporary)

Mood : Soulful, Encouraging, Rousing

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10. Into The Fire from The Scarlet Pimpernel

Vocal Part : Tenor

Range : D4-Ab5

Style : Uptempo (Pop Opera)

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11. Fifty Million Years Ago from Celebration

Vocal Part : Tenor

Range : Eb3-F4

Style : Uptempo

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12. The Games I Play Ago from Falsettos

Range : B3-G5

Style : Ballad (Contemporary)

Mood : Romantic, Regretful, Introspective

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13. Buffalo Nickel Photoplay Inc. from Ragtime

Range : B3-F#5

Style : Uptempo (Contemporary)

Mood : Enthusiastic, Comedic

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14. I’m Martin Guerre from Martin Guerre

Range : D4-A5

Style : Uptempo (Pop Opera)

Mood : Vengeful, Intimidating, Plotting

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15. Race You to the Top of the Morning from The Secret Garden

Range : Db4-Ab5

Style : Ballad (Contemporary)

Mood : Story-telling, Fatherly, Dramatic

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16. Quasimodo from When Pigs Fly

Range : D3-A4

Style : Uptempo Swing (Contemporary)

Mood : Flirtacious, Romantic, Flamboyant

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17. When I’m Not Near the Girl I Love from Finian’s Rainbow

Range : B3-D5

Style : Midtempo Waltz (Golden Age)

Mood : Comedic, Romantic

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18. The Mason from Working

Range : B3-G5

Style : Ballad (Soft Rock)

Mood : Inspirational, Uplifting, Futuristic

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19. Heaven on Their Minds from Jesus Christ Superstar

Range : D4-C6

Style : Uptempo Rock

Mood : Menacing, Critical, Desperate

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20. How Glory Goes from Floyd Collins

Range : Bb3-G5

Style : Ballad (Contemporary)

Mood : Introspective, Nostalgic, Bittersweet

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21. The Flower Garden of My Heart from Pal Joey

Range : Eb4-G5

Style : Midtempo (Golden Age)

Mood : Romantic, Light-hearted, Carefree

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22. Drift Away from Grey Gardens

Range : D4-F5

Style : Ballad (Contemporary)

Mood : Jazzy, Nostalgic, Romantic

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23. What Is It About Her? from The Wild Party

Range : C4-Ab5

Style : Midtempo (Contemporary)

Mood : Passionate, slight Latin rhythm, Seductive

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24. Enjoy The Trip from Bring It On: The Musical

Range : C4-Ab5

Style : Midtempo (Contemporary)

Mood : Nostalgic, Romantic, Intimate

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25. Stranger from Big Fish

Range : C4-G5

Style : Uptempo (Contemporary)

Mood : Uplifting, Inspirational, Futuristic

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26. Her Voice from The Little Mermaid

Range : D4-F#5

Style : Ballad (Contemporary)

Mood : Disney, Romantic, In Awe

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27. No Moon from Titanic

Range : E4-G5

Style : Midtempo Waltz (Pop Opera)

Mood : Romantic, Serene

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28. The Proposal/The Night Was Alive from Titanic

Range : E4-E5, C4-G5

Style : Ballad (Pop Opera)

Mood : Romantic, Hopeful, Nostalgic

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29. I Never Knew from Far From Heaven

Range : C#4-G#5

Style : Ballad (Contemporary)

Mood : Jazzy, Confessional, Coming Clean

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30. The Streets of Dublin from A Man of No Importance

Range : E4-A5

Style : Uptempo (Contemporary)

Mood : Cheerful, Observant, In Awe

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31. Let It Sing from Violet

Range : D4-Eb5

Style : Uptempo (Contemporary)

Mood : Racially Specific, Retro, Inspirational

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32. I’d Rather Be Sailing from A New Brain

Range : A3-Gb5

Style : Ballad (Contemporary)

Mood : Inspirational, Hopeful, Futuristic

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33. I Chose Right from Baby

Range : Bb3-Eb5

Style : Midtempo (Soft Rock)

Mood : Romantic, Youthful, Intimate

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34. A Man Could Go Quite Mad from The Mystery of Edwin Drood

Range : A3-G5

Style : Uptempo (Pop Opera)

Mood : Fascinated, Scary, Villainous

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35. I Will Follow You from Milk and Honey

Range : D4-Bb5

Style : Ballad (Golden Age)

Mood : Romantic, Passionate

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36. The Thought of You from Fanny

Range : E3-A4

Style : Midtempo (Golden Age)

Mood : Romantic, Passionate, Driving

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37. Fanny from Fanny

Range : Bb3-Eb5

Style : Ballad (Golden Age)

Mood : Romantic, Passionate

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38. You Walk With Me from The Full Monty

Range : B3-B5

Style : Ballad (Contemporary)

Mood : Romantic, Intimate

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39. I Am In Love from Can-Can

Range : C4-F5

Style : Midtempo (Golden Age)

Mood : Romantic, Light-hearted, Carefree

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40. Come With Me from The Boys From Syracuse

Range : B2-F#4

Style : Uptempo (Golden Age)

Mood : Romantic, Lighthearted, Inviting

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41. You Are Never Away from Allegro

Range : B3-G5

Style : Uptempo (Golden Age)

Mood : Romantic, Lighthearted

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42. Awaiting You from Myths and Hymns

Range : G3-F5

Style : Ballad (Contemporary)

Mood : Contemplative, Soulful, Introspective

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43. The Day After That from Kiss of the Spider Woman

Range : D4-A5

Style : Midtempo

Mood : Majestic, Troubled, yet Hopeful

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44. Alive from Jekyll and Hyde

Range : D4-E5

Style : Uptempo (Pop Opera)

Mood : Fascinated, Scary, Villainous

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45. I’ll Be There from The Pirate Queen

Range : C4-A5

Style : Ballad (Pop Opera)

Mood : Romantic, Hopeful, Passionate, Jealous

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46. All Good Gifts from Godspell

Range : D4-A5

Style : Ballad (Soft Rock)

Mood : Inspirational, Uplifting

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47. Love Can’t Happen from Grand Hotel

Range : D#4-A5

Style : Midtempo

Mood : Romantic, Passionate

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48. Fortune Favors the Brave from Aida

Range : Bb3-G5

Style : Uptempo (Contemporary Rock)

Mood : Triumphant, Powerful

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49. Oh, Is There Not One Maiden Breast? from The Pirates of Penzance

Range : G3-Gb4 (optional Bb4)

Style : Ballad (Operetta)

Mood : Romantic, Desperate, Lonesome

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50. 30/90 from Tick, Tick…Boom!

Range : E3-A5

Style : Uptempo (Contemporary Rock)

Mood : Hopeful yet Anxious

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51. My Girlfriend Who Lives in Canada from Avenue Q

Range : Range: B2–G4

Style : Uptempo

Mood : Comedic

52. I Am Aldolpho from The Drowsy Chaperone

Range : Range: E2 (optional)–A4

Style : Midtempo

Mood : Comedic

53. I Don’t Understand the Poor from A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder

Range : Range: B2–G4

Style : Midtempo

Mood : Comedic

You May Like: 16 Underrated Contemporary Tenor Roles

Have one we missed? Leave your favorite tenor audition song in the comments below…

The post 53 Refreshing Audition Songs For Tenors appeared first on Theatre Nerds.

1. Always Get to Rehearsal Early

This can be difficult when you have a crazy schedule, but it’s very important to show up early to rehearsals. You need time to get everything set up and ready so that you’re not in a rush when everyone else gets there. If you forget something or feel unprepared, you’ll feel stressed, and that will put more stress on your stage manager run crew and cast.

2. Teach Your Crew to Work Together

While you may not be able to get your crew to love each other, you can get them to work well together by arming them with all the knowledge they need to get through the show successfully. Before each show, go to each crew member and make sure they know their cues, scene changes and all other duties. Ensure everyone has their cue sheets and always have an extra one on hand, to be safe—someone will inevitably forget theirs.

You should also have everyone run their scene changes before the show starts and keep a checklist for yourself so you know you’ve accomplished all your tasks. Your stage manager can also weigh in on whether there’s anything else that needs to be taken care of.

3. Stay Organized

It’s very important to stay organized and keep up with all rehearsal and show reports. You don’t have to print them out the way that a stage manager does, but it’s a good practice to keep them in a file on your computer in case your stage manager forgets one and you need to help him or her out. You should also keep an eye on the stage manager kit to make sure everything is fully stocked and in its place. It’s a nice way to stay organized and keep from running out of anything you might need.

4. Bring Snacks

You don’t have to do this all the time, but it can help the cast and crew’s morale if you bring in snacks such as fruit, cookies or candy every once in a while. Technicians especially tend to skip meals during tech week, so it helps to bring in something small for them. And even if you don’t bring enough for everyone, be sure to always have a snack in your bag in case of an emergency.

Being on a show crow can be stressful, but if you do these small things, it will help take some of the stress off of you and the rest of your crew.

Any tips for assistant stage managers? Post them in the comments below!

The post Tips For Being The Best Assistant Stage Manager You Can Be appeared first on Theatre Nerds.