1. The False Phone Call.
You think it’s your agent calling to tell you the part is yours when really it’s just Verizon reminding you your bill is past due.
2. “You must be an ASPIRING actor.”
You have a pricey theatre degree and multiple professional credits on your résumé, yet you still get the A-bomb dropped on you constantly. (Just because I’m bussing your table doesn’t mean I’m not successful!)
3. When your friends and family use the terms ‘play’ and ‘musical’ interchangeably.
“Have fun at musical practice, honey. “ Sorry Mom, pretty sure the only time Stanley Kowalski broke out into song is during that Simpsons episode.”
4. Dream Role Interrupted.
It’s the perfect part for you! Until you realize it requires opera singing, break dancing, or a Turkish accent. (But I can learn!!!)
5. Your scene partner gives you a note.
6. Realizing you can’t deduct your gym membership at tax time.
But I need to be pretty!!!
7. “That Doesn’t Look Like You.”
You just dropped a grand on your new headshots that you’re completely in love with when someone utters those nasty five (probably true) words. You don’t know what you’re talking about because you only ever see me when I look like total crap!
8. “You’re amazing!” …Crickets.
You kill it in your audition, Casting both weeps in sadness and pees themselves laughing. They tell you you’re awesome, hell they give you a standing ovation, you call your mom to tell her to expect good news any day …and then nothing.
9. You’ve aged out of your niche.
But who am I if I’m not the cute college co-ed anymore?
10. Choosing between an audition and your day job.
You spend all day waiting to audition, realize if you stick it out for thirty more minutes you’ll probably get seen, but if you don’t leave in the next ten minutes you can kiss your paying-the-rent job good-bye!
11.“Come sit next to me on this lovely Casting Couch.”
There’s nothing worse than realizing the casting director that’s been asking for your reel is only interested in getting into your pants.
(It hurts infinitely worse when you pay to take their workshop, they hit on you, you reject them, and now you’ll never get called into their office, AND you’re out fifty bucks! …Just saying.)